DC2 planned and wanted so why do I view it as an inconvenience?

[Sallythespider]

Apologies, I’m posting here instead of in pregnancy as it’s a bit busier here.

Currently 22 weeks pregnantwith DC2. There will be a 15 month age gap between DC1 and DC2 when baby arrives.

This is a much wanted pregnancy especially as it followed on from a miscarriage.

I was excited when I first found out but my excitement has changed to disappointment and resentment. I can’t think of any names I like. We’ll have to lose our great childminder as she doesn’t have space for both kids. I didn’t realise how much of a battering my career has taken. She is also breach at the moment (although I know that can still change) and I’ve managed to convince myself there will be something wrong with her (autism runs in the family). Given the autism risk in hindsight I should have stopped at one.

I don’t want to feel this way but I don’t know how to feel better either?

Has anyone else felt like this or am I just a monster?

I should add that DC1 is female and DC2 is as well. When DC1 was born she was labelled a daddy’s girl from the get go and I’m not in the mood for that to happen again either

I think you’re justified to be annoyed about all those things, honestly. You’re not a monster.

You're pregnant so your hormones are all over the place. And some of those do sound really annoying! Just make sure you knock any Daddy's girl comments on the head immediately if they start again this time. And good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

I have the same age gap and had some similar feelings.

Keep DC1 at the childminder. It's a difficult age gap and you will need a break.

I'm guessing you are in between maternity leaves at the moment which is also hard.

It's still early days and the reality is just setting in. It gets better, but If you are still feeling like this in a couple of months let your midwife know.

I would speak to your midwife about PND. It is possible you are experiencing it now or you may be at risk as thing progress.

When I was pregnant with my second after 5 yrs of trying for my first.. I was incredibly resentful .. she was all I ever wanted and a real 'daddy's ' girl.. .

Please understand that the love just increases.. it's not an infinite pot. Although I thought it was. It simply expands and it's magical...

Also I also have a similar age gap and while I can see the benefits I sometimes feel like I missed out on having one on one time with both my children.

The childminder thing is really annoying but surely it will be a while until oyu need a place for both? I'm a childminder and I couldn't possibly know if I would have another space for you in a years time, things change. Still time for baby to turn. You will think of a name, it should be making you feel resentment towards the baby because you can't think of a name for her. You should speak to your gp or midwife.

Shouldn't, not should

I don’t really have the same regret but there are many a time I’m gripped with ‘why did we decide to this again?!’ .. my toddler is 2.8 & currently going through a pretty tricky phase. Awful tantrums, fussy eating, her sleep is dreadful & everything is no, I don’t like it, I don’t want too, even to things like softplay which she loves 🙄 and you get her dressed, she takes all her clothes off again. It’s testing to say the least & a lot of the time, I can’t wait for Monday & escaping to work! I just sit & think oh god, we are going to have to do this all over again. Why did we think this was a good idea?!

I think a lot of my panic comes from the fear of change. And what life will be like with two! But my rational mind knows we’ll be OK in the end! I try think of all the nice bits, I’ve pottered buying a few new super cute clothes & been having a look at classes/baby events on in my area come spring/summer!

Don’t worry about breech AT ALL at 22 weeks. They roll about all over the place at that stage! She probably flips from breech to head down several times a day! My baba was breech at a 29 week scan, transverse are 30 weeks when I went for some monitoring & head down at my midwife appointment at 31 one weeks this week!

Do you need the childminder to take both of them anytime soon? Surely they can’t know availability for an extra one in say a years time?!

As for the Autism, well, what will be will be. There’s no predicting what your child will be like nor illness/conditions they may have. Silly to even worry about it. And personally, unless it was a serious genetic condition, a slight possibility of a child having autism (which we all have) isnt enough reason to not have a second should you want one!

Try keep your chin up OP, all you worries will melt away when baby is here I’m very sure

Thanks all!

I am feeling a bit better now

Glad you're feeling a bit better

Just to add to everyone's comments, my first two are 16 months apart, both boys. I spent ages during my second pregnancy wondering what on earth had we done. It was planned, but happened a lot quicker than we expected (literally first time of trying after a year trying for DC1) hence the small age gap. I was so worried about my career as well, worried about everything in fact.

It turned out OK. Yes the career took a battering but I decided to change tack for a bit. Yes, it was hard with two babies, but we coped. On the plus side, the boys have grown up to be best friends which is lovely. The eldest was a daddy's boy for a while after his brother was born, wasn't keen on me at all for a while, but soon decided he liked me again too

Don't fret, you'll cope, it'll be fine