Bonding with second child

[secondtimeround]

DS is now nearly 3 weeks old. Since bringing him home I feel I am neglecting DD. She is nearly 5 years old. I am trying to pay her attention but DS takes up so much time. She seems to just be amusing herself and ends up getting shouted at just because I'm tired!
For so long it has just been me and DD and I feel I'm cheating on her by having another baby. I'm waiting for the maternal instinct with DS to kick in but it isn't. I still prefer (there I've said it) DD. Maybe it is because I know her and how she ticks and DS is still very new and demanding.
I have always wanted two children. A boy and a girl and now I have that but I just want to go back to just the one.
Is this just the baby blues still or something more severe.

Let's be honest. Very young babies are hard work and not that interesting... I am not surprised you prefer dd at this stage as you can interact with her. Took me a couple of months to "bond" with ds without having another child around. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Probably an obvious thing, but have you got her involved in helping with the baby? My dsd was about 8 when ds was born and loved having the responsibility of helping change his nappies, etc.

My dd was 5 when ds was born. I think it's a good age gap because they are old enough to understand (a bit) and to be bribed (a lot!) What helped with us was that we did a bit of "Oh no, not the baby crying again - isn't he a pain. Hang on a minute - have a biscuit while I sort him out then we'll carry on with.....[whatever it was]" I think it helped dd to realize that we found the baby a bit of a bore sometimes and it wasn't just her!

Remember that the baby won't feel neglected so long as he's fed and so on - I did the bare minimum for ds in the first few weeks and concentrated on dd.
It is hard - but hang in there - it does get better, I promise. Mine are 11 and 6 now and they adore each other. And the very first time you hear your dd saying "We" and you realize that she means her and her brother, not her and you is a truely magical moment!

I felt exactly the same when my second arrived (18 months after my ds). I realised however, that I thought I hadn't bonded because I just didn't know my dd yet. That takes time. Now she is 2.5 we are very close and she gives me the best nighttime cuddles and kisses.

Incidently ds2 arrived 9 weeks ago and its only recently I am starting to feel a bond.

I am wondering the same thing. I am due my second in 4 weeks time, ds1 is 2:4 and at a very demanding stage, I'm just wondering how I am going to cope with two demanding boys

seeker - I did a similar thing to you when DD was born. However, I overdid it - on hearing my usual, "Oh dear, baby is crying again - she is noisy isn't she!". DS (then 2.4) replied, ""It's OK, Mummy, she's just hungry - I'll go talk to her while you get her bottle." I think it did affect my relationship with DD that I had to switch to FF at three and a half weeks whereas DS was breastfed for six months - we just seemed to have so much less exclusive "baby and me" time. I really enjoyed the nightime feeds with DD because it could be just her and me. secondtimeround - all the feelings will develop very soon, although I did have the initial rush of love when I first saw DD I didn't feel I developed the sort of relationship I had with DS as a baby until she was about five weeks old. I also think that the fact that DS was a week overdue, and DD was two weeks early and thus much more of a feed and put down to sleep baby, rather than please carry me around all day until I am six weeks old baby affected it all as well!

Thanks everyone. I feel better now. DD is very good with Ds. I'm trying to set time aside for DD and me so she isn't left out but DS always ends up crying and I have to sort him out.
DD starts full time school next week so I'll have more time to spend with DS on my own. Hopefully I'll feel more motherly towards him when I don't have two to cope with at once.