5 year old is only interested in one friend

[Bootsuit]

DS is 5. He's always preferred to have one best friend (if you can call it that) at a time. He will latch onto someone and pretty much exclude any other child that wants to play or be friends with him.

It's currently been ok because the children he's formed these intense 1 on 1 friendships have reciprocated his interest so my DS remains happy enough.

However, I think it's pretty cruel of him to strike up these friendships and then cast them away when he takes a liking to a different child. His 'best friend' from reception year still chases after him to play with him and my DS very obviously shows him that he's now not interested. I've tried talking to him about it and how it's not kind to ignore people that are trying to be nice and play with him. That it's OK to have a close friend and to still have other children to be friends with. I don't like the idea that he can be mean and exclude children he was once friends with because they're no longer flavour of the month. He will pretty much mug off any other kid that's not his current number one.

I also worry for him. That by only having one friend that other children will soon learn not to bother trying to include him or befriend him because they'll get nothing back from him. I worry that he could potentially isolate himself and end up making himself quite lonely should his one friend decide to drop him. Some irony there considering that's what my DS is happy doing!

I am aware that at 5, friendship groups change rapidly. I just want him to treat others kindly and to not set himself up to potentially not having any friends at all!

Any help or advice? Is it something he will grow out of as he matures emotionally?

My 4 year old son is the same! His twin sister tries her best to spend time with him but he ignores her to only focus on having fun with his current best friend, he refuses to let the other kids at his school join in too, even when his best friend asks him to. I do hope they will grow out of this, it cannot be healthy for them. Best of luck to you and your 5 year old.

He is so young that I wouldn't worry at all about his current behaviour predicting anything about his long-term/later friendships.

Think about how difficult friendships/relationships can be for us. We have years and years of experience and knowledge around how to communicate effectively, how people are likely to respond to certain behaviour etc.

Your child is practicing essential skills for life. He is allowed to get things wrong. He might work out himself at some point that how he relates with his peers is not going to work and could turn against him at some point.

You'll know your child best and will know better than anyone else what works for him. If he was one of mine I'd continue to have regular chats about how it feels for other children to be left out, how the other children might leave him out if they see him do that etc. I suppose you could ask his teacher for advice too? They should be experienced and knowledgeable about this kind of things and might have some tips. Knowing you're worried about this they might be able to keep an eye on this behaviour and support him develop different kinds of ways of making friends and playing in a group.

It could be quite likely that it's a normal part of his development and in a couple of years there could be totally different way of relating. Less likely but it could always be because of learnt dynamics at home. Does he have a need to feel really secure in just one relationship. Does he have to compete for attention with a lot of siblings at home? By trying to think about your family dynamics you might be able to think what purpose this serves for him.

Thanks for your replies.

myotherface yes, I didn't think of it like that. How at 35 I still have to think about my behaviour towards others and how to navigate certain relationships. Good point! Maybe I am looking at him through an adults eyes.

I have spoken to his teacher and she does mix up the children during classroom time. He does after school clubs and he has to be coaxed into going because his best friend does different activities but he's fine and chats to the other children once he's there.

I'm continue to talk about friendships and his behaviour towards others. Hopefully it'll sink in.

ThePackAlpha it would seem we have similar children. I think it's probably very common behaviour and they will eventually learn how to navigate friendships and relationships with others better.