MIL bored of doing childcare

[AlphaElf]

I have never asked MIL to provide free childcare for DCs so that I can work. DC1 went to nursery everyday on my work days and after having DC2, MIL asked me if she could take care of him for 1 day a week. I was really pleased and obliged- but she asked me to change my work day to one that was more convenient for her, so I did.

As my inlaws are quite old, we just asked that both MIL and FIL were present to take care of DC. At nursery, there are plenty of people there should something go wrong.

At first, MIL loved have DC2, but soon became disillusioned I think, possibly as DC2 is more of a handful than DC1.

Now she keeps on making other plans on the days they have DC2 and leaves him with FIL who is lovely, but makes careless mistakes- think covering the buggy in a thick blanket in summer to block out the light, incorrectly fitting a carseat, giving hard foods too young. I find him hard work on my own, even when I understand his mischievous ways, so I really think that both grandparents need to be present.

This is becoming a regular pattern.
FIL doesn't seem to mind having DC at all, but I have concerns for his safety whilst he is still a baby. I have asked them if it's too much for them and they say it's not, so I don't understand why MIL continues making other plans on the days they have DC2. I think she is bored. She seems to be making less effort with DC1 also and often goes upstairs to do chores/ have a rest leaving her with FIL also.

I don't want to offend anyone, so how do I go about this? If I were to take him out of their care, they would be completely offended. They also get offended when I point out something they have done incorrectly.

Next week, MIL is leaving FIL with BOTH DCs after we asked them to take care of both at the same time, I think this will be far too much for him when they are both so young.
DH has agreed in the past that he thinks it's too much for FIL but is now arguing that it isn't probably because he doesn't want to have to deal with the fallout of looking for paying for alternative childcare.

What should I do?

How many days do they have the 1 year old for?

If your MIL loves it then why does she keep making plans on those days?

My in-laws are slightly older and although their health is ok but they would find my toddler exhausting for more than 2 or 3 hours. I would trust them to be safe with him but I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him with them for the whole day as I know they would struggle to keep up with him and find it very tiring. As a PP said, it's the mental effort as well as physical.

She didn’t ask them jkscot. I especially think people who go in full blast to tell the op thry are an entitled tosser should read the opening post at least.

Tell dh mil obviously doesn’t love it as she fucks off every week and if your childrens safety isn’t his priority you will look at him completely differently. It is your absolute priority and you’re stopping the plan. He can take them around on Saturday while you’re at work.

She seems to be making less effort with DC1 also and often goes upstairs to do chores/ have a rest leaving her with FIL also.
Isn't this normal behaviour, though? Do you expect her to sit in the living room for the whole 7 hours, or whatever it is?

When you say your MIL makes plans, can you give more detail? Does she go out for the day or go out for an hour, for example?

Please find alternative childcare. This is not working.

When I read that FiL doesn't fit the car seat correctly and is feeding lumpy food too early.......... these are serious safety concerns......

Find other childcare,theres an accident waiting to happen there.

Puts heavy blankets to block out the sun.Suffocation
Giving lumpy food,choking hazard
Not fitting car seats properly is serious.

Your kids health should come first.

70 and 71 isn’t too old? My grandparents were older than that and would look after my DD (her great grandparents) all day. It really depends on how fit and we’ll they are and how confident you are in them. But I certainly wouldn’t say too old.

Has he had them both before alone?

Hi OP. I was in a similar situation with my DS only it was my mum who looked after him one day a week. She had him from about 11 months when I went back to work. By the time he had got to 3, I could tell she was finding it hard work although she kept saying she was fine. I think she didnt want to let me down (which of course she was wasnt, I was very grateful she offered to have him) but like you, it was playing on my mind and I was worrying at work. So one day, I booked him an extra place at nursery and told mum that I think now he's older, he would benefit from being with other children etc. I think she was a little sad about it but about two weeks later, my Dad told me she was getting very tired having him all day. You really have to go with your gut feeling her. If there's an extra cost for you to bear well, unfortunately, that is something you'll have to factor in I'm afraid - they're your children after all. X

Just to add both my parents are 72 and this was a couple of years' ago.

Can you see if you can get a half day at first, and this may be easier than a full day for them ? Also if you want to use CC full time ,easier to make the break with them full day if you need to .I think there are some concerns here .Can you prepare food in advance for DC? Also provide them with a parasol as well ? Many older people struggle with childcare but dont like to admit it! I think any couple in their 70s are going to find a full day with a tot hard work really