I need some help😭

[Oceanrae]

Hi everyone, disclaimer.. this is going to sound bizzare I hate that I feel like this but please don’t judge I’m struggling😓 , basically I have a boyfriend that I have 2 children with my first one is not his real child but he was there from birth and continued to be the best dad since that, over the years of having her and my second child I’ve become more paranoid I don’t let them stay out due to having these most horrid thoughts! There like , what if they stop breathing and who ever has them DOESNT no or what if they crash with my kids in the car the worst one is what if someone gets upset with my children since there very hard to deal with and hit them and possibly kill them , I KNOW it sounds so bad and I hate these thoughts I’m so angry on a day to day basis because of these thoughts It’s beginning to get worse , my daughter is really naughty absolutley screams all day when she doesn’t get her own way and with 2 toddlers and a 7 year old ( step son) it’s not ideal to have her do that all day so when I have errands to run and need to leave kids with dad I always think my daughter is going to be so naughty my partner will get so stressed and hit her and when I think about that I think that what if she falls and cracks her head and dies he’s never ever disciplined her only the naughty step and she has the most amazing bond with him I think this about everyone and I’m SO SO scared to go say this to the doctors becuase they will think wow what a lunatic let’s get child services on her but on most days I’m in a great mood my kids are well looked after they go to play groups nursery and days out on a weekly basis there very spoilt! I’m just so scared and I want help before I end up been mentally ill and CANNOT look after my kids I don’t want to get to that point what can I do 😭 please don’t judge me

No judgement from me but you do absolutely need to speak to your GP or HV for some support and help.

You do need to go to the doctor, they won't judge you. It sounds like you have anxiety or maybe PND or something - but your GP will have seen it before and be able to properly diagnose and help you. You don't need to live like this x

I had a phase of feeling like this when my first 2 dc were babies. I had pnd.

Speak to your GP. You probably need treatment for anxiety and/ or depression

Hey thank you for your time to read my post , I appreciate it & I also have spoke to my hv she assured me that they won’t ring social as it’s a normal thing but why don’t I feel normal I feel awful as I can’t allow them to spend time with family because I’m so scared they can’t look after them like I can! I don’t drink I don’t do drugs or anything I would love a night at bingo with my friend I’m only 23 I don’t like the normal 23 year old things like partying I love been with my kids I don’t get a break because of how I feel and I also feel like if you have kids you don’t get a break they need you I don’t no what’s wrong with me 😭

Hi Hun , I have got anxiety and depression ( depression) not so bad but anxiety extremely bad 4 years ago I couldn’t go out my house do my shopping even speak to people on the phone I couldn’t have anyone in my house I was that bad with anxiety I had to stop my college corse because of this I had private treatment nothing worked till I had my first child it’s like it eased up a lot! I’m doing really well but I did stop my medication a while ago I have got it again and I’m going to start taking it again I just hate the fact that only tablets will make me normal yano? I was so proud of getting off the first ones😓

Bobsters mum - will they take my children if I have that and can I have that even tho my youngest is 15month? Xx

Honestly OP it sounds like OCD (I have it). I'm obviously not qualified to diagnose but it rings true to me. No one is going to take your kids because you love them so much but you need to see someone as these intrusive thoughts take over your life as you can see.

Have you had CBT before? That may help you.

All the best

@Greyhound22 hi Hun I’m not sure what CBT is love? Also it is taking over my life 😭 I cannot tell my partner the thoughts that I have becuase it will be shocked that it’s not just about everyone else it’s him too and no one has done anything to make me feel like this if anything they have seriously done everything they possible can to love my children just like me! & sometimes I feel ocd I let my kids get any toy or all of there toys out but if there not put in the right place or there not straight like I put them before I get so anxious & my food if my chicken isn’t cut in a very perfect square I will literally not eat it I feel like crying over it! If my bed sheets arnt straight with no crinkles it really frustrates me , but the thoughts I have I searched PND and the only symptoms I have on there and the frightening thoughts and the low moods constantly and no motivation xx

@Greyhound22 also I feel like no one else can look after my kids better than me I feel like they don’t no there routines , what they mean when they do certain things or what they want I cant let them Go I judge everyone on what they do with my kids and my daughters been wanting to sleep at my bestfriends with her daughter for some time and I can’t let her becuase im scared Someone will do something to her 😭

No, they won't take your children I promise. Sounds like you have OCD (it's not about cleaning or organisation!) and is often triggered by having children.There is loads of help online you can access, try searching for 'intrusive thoughts'.

I am clinically diagnosed OCD and you can pm me if it helps.

You are NOT mad, or bad or dangerous to know, you are unwell.

CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy - it's a type of talking therapy. It's very successful for OCD and other anxieties.

OCD is more than the obsessive cleaning etc that people think it is - in fact that tends to be one of the 'control' aspects of it - for example 'if my chicken isn't cut properly something terrible will happen so I can stop it happening by cutting my chicken properly' and so on and the cycle is born.

At my worst I actually have frightening thoughts that I am going to hurt someone I love. It's very classic - and the truth is that people with OCD are actually very unlikely of doing any of these things it's all about fear and anxiety.

I had it as a child. I had various obsessions - germs, time etc however - I am 38 now and it's pretty much under control. I still have times of anxiety - most of us do - especially with young children - and it's natural to worry about them - that's you being a good Mum - but it's now gone that step too far.

Have a look as in some areas you can self refer to MH services - they will call you or have a face to face to discuss this and work a way forward that is most suitable for you. Or/and speak to your GP. Do it Monday you can get help for this

You may find this website helpful:

www.intrusivethoughts.org/

@emeeno1, hi thankyou it does actually sound the same as my feelings I’m going to go to the doctors Monday and talk to them , & @Greyhound22 I have had them feelings of “ I’m going to hurt someoen I love” I mean me and my mum HAVENT been on the best of terms my whole life due to my upbringing but I’m the total opposite from her she didn’t care where as me all my children have routine manners respect for other people & when she comes around I honestly go in a instant mood Cos I just don’t want her around me the way she lives annoys me I stopped my daughter staying because she didn’t stick with her routine and it got me angry everytime not only that I did stop her staying because I don’t trust her with my other child because she doesn’t really no him never paid attention to him always my daughter she’s out before every grandchild she has so I had to stop my eldest because she cannot treat my kids differently , I’m going to get help I need it I just want to be happy and not low moods and so angry everyday!

@Greyhound22 & I have been given leaflets for mental health and letters from the doctors I just really darn’t go down that route as my partners ex has mental health and he’s just got custody 2 years ago for his son becuase she just went down hill but that was due to drugs and alcohol both that I do not use , but the thought of him thinking I have mental health scares me he thinks mental health is what she’s like and what she has because he’s never seen it before other than her she didn’t look after her child so he had to take him and fight in court for him so I think he will feel like I’ll get like that and he will have 3 to raise alone which isn’t true he just doesn’t get it , he said when I first was with him “ so glad you haven’t got mental health” I’m just scared 😓 I’m also very down due to my weight that’s shot up since I had my last I can’t seem to loose it every girl I go past o always think my partner would like someone like that instead of me I think he isn’t attracted to me or loves me what the he’ll is wrong with me?! He doesn’t kiss me or cuddle becuase im such a atse all the time and so moody so I’m not suprised he doesn’t !

Hi everyone , I have a update , I have been to the doctors they have said it does sound more like ocd intrusive thoughts & severe anxiety around the thoughts I am on strong tablets I just hope now I can calm down and relax my mind abit and may be able to sleep through tthe night without these horrible thoughts! Thank you for all your help!

That's great news you have got treatment, hope you start feeling better quickly

Well done for going to the drs! It's a big step and you should be proud of yourself.

thank you everyone for the help and support I really couldn’t of done it without that push!

Glad you are feeling much improved, sounded like a difficult situation and frightening. You mentioned before wanting to get off medication, if that is the thing helping them stay on it, but do try to do some talking therapy of some kind. If you can train your brain to deal with these thoughts in a more healthy way then you will feel better. But that requires understanding yourself really well and keeping track of your mood and having techniques to deal with things before they go down.
Good luck, sounds like you're on the right track, and make sure to take advantage of any practical help as well as emotional help.

@johnd2 thank you very much I am currently waiting for counciling my doctors referring me through I’m hoping this years better for me so I can better myself for my children