EBF, need a break, give up?

[Andersonx3]

My DD is 8 weeks old and is EBF. My husband went back to work after 1 week and so I've been alone with her since then. He leaves at 8 and returns at 6, but only watches baby whilst
I shower and cook dinner, then she's mine again. During the day I don't eat and maybe have 1 drink, because DD won't sleep unless she's on me or it's night time. When she does sleep and I manage to get her down, I have to look after the dog and clean the house etc so no time to even eat.
I need a break. I need to be able to eat a meal without holding her, ending up feeding and having my dinner cold an hour later. I need to sleep. I need to be able to do things without planning 4 hours ahead.
I do express but can never get enough to make more than one feed, so DD can't be left as she could demolish her bottle she still want more.
I know 'fed is best' but we made the decision to EBF as we believe that's what's right for her. I'm now thinking of combi feeding. Am I being weak? Should I persevere or slowly introduce formula? Any advice? A

You shouldn't have to ask, but if he's planning on being so helpless then that's bad news going forward. Does he have to be given step-by-step instructions for other areas of his life? That must be irritating for his employers and his friends.

It might be worth trying out giving each other areas of responsibility - e.g. he's responsible for bathing, nappy changes, settling when he gets in from work (I used to like making the dinner as it was a change from baby care all day). He can also tidy up from the day, put a washing on, get things ready for the next day while you're feeding in the evening.

The more he just does baby care, the less he'll need to ask. It's a real trap to become the "baby expert" just because you're around more. Once dd is a little older he can take her out or you can go out and get a proper break and that will give him more scope to parent and make his own mistakes without you to tell him what to do.

A lot of people (men) can’t take the initiative when thinking of what you might need for the day ahead. Making a lunch (sandwiches) and sticking them in the fridge for you to grab when lunchtime rolls around will help you massively. Things will get easier, and if anything though it’s just a window in time and your days won’t always look like this.

That said, I did combo-feed and I think it’s one of the best things I did for our family. Sometimes she had one bottle a day, sometimes we’d go a week without giving a bottle. Embrace the fact you have the option.

Have you tried using a sling so that you could at least get up and grab a sandwich from the kitchen whilst the baby is sleeping on you?

"Doting" on a child doesn't make a good dad. It's a huge period of adjustment for both parents - I think often mum's just get on with it better. Stop thinking of it as "helping", it's parenting.

Your DH obviously can't start breast feeding but he should be doing other stuff - he can clean, he can cook, he can change nappies, he can hold baby so you can have a bath and dinner, he can make you a packed lunch and pop it in the fridge so you can eat something decent during the day. If you do introduce FF, he can wash & sterilise bottles. It's annoying but you probably need to sit down and talk through division of labour.

I also introduced Combi feeding, we got those pre-made bottles which are so handy (and you don't need to buy a big box of formula).

Some nights when I was exhausted I would give my DH the baby and sleep in the spare room. In the morning I would be able to feed and express at the same time as I'd build up.

Thanks everyone. I think I'll make sure he does more to help of an evening. If I were to combi feed, I know this wouldn't solve many of my issues but even if she has 1 formula bottle a day and I express another bottles worth, that's 2 feeds DH can do of an evening giving me time to have an hour to look after myself.

We both used to take packed lunches to work but since me being on maternity he's just bought lunch at work, so maybe encouraging him to make a packed lunch again and me one at the same time will help!

Op if you can't express enough (I think pretty common as the pump is nothing like baby) then maybe set one bottle a day as the one that DH gives. If you want to maintain a good supply you could pump at that time or just have that bottle as a permanent fixture of your routine. Do you repeatedly try to put her down? My youngest is a similar age, also bf, so obviously she needs to go down whilst I sort the older ones out. She'll sometimes have a grump at first but then settle down.

Do you have a soft sling? Keeps baby close & happy/sleeping while you have your hands free. Also excellent for dog walking! Mine had their naps on my knee or whilst out walking.

Your DH needs to pull his finger out a bit

Try combi feeding and have your DH do a feed in the evening so you can rest.

Let him cook dinner every evening as well and make extra to have for lunch the next day.

And you could even try the ready made bottles for those FF feeds, less faff involved.

If you can afford it get a cleaner once a week, take the pressure off

Good luck! 8 weeks in, you're doing great!!

You need to prioritise yourself. If you havent eaten or drank all day while your husband is at work then your calorie intake is pretty much guaranteed to be less than 1500. This will cause a decrease in milk production, causing you to be unable to express as much and your baby to have to feed more to get the required volume. She will be fine to be put down in a bouncer or pram while you get yourself breakfast and lunch, or even treat yourself to a lunch out and have someone else do the hard work. I had a clingy DS who just wanted to be held the whole time and it is so tough to hear them cry but they will suffer no harm being in a safe place for 2 minutes while you grab a snack.

Have you tried a bouncer at all? DS would wake as soon as I put him in a cot or crib but I could get him to a bouncer with a thick blanket around him to let me stretch my legs while he had a supervised nap.

I do pop her down but as soon as she hits her basket she's awake. Sometimes she'll settle in a bouncer but not often. She's fine at night in her basket, just not in the day - it's almost as if she knows that's when I have things to do and food to eat!!

I have a carrier but not a sling, we've used it to walk the dog around the village but I have spinal arthritis and I can't bend down to pick up any dog mess so I don't take her out in that on my own because the dog will do 1000 poo's!

I'm happy to let her cry for 2 mins and comfort when I've sorted whatever I need to, but I don't ever have anything to eat that I could make in 30 seconds and eat with her on me. I think I'll have DH make a sandwich/wrap and some snacks I can just grab out of the fridge as you have all suggested!

I managed to express a bottles worth this evening so I'm currently enjoying a glass of red in the bath whilst DH cuddles and potentially feeds DD!