Teenager saying she hates herself

[suziesue45]

Hi All,
I really don't know what to do. My daughter, whos 14, was upset this morning, I sat her down and asked what was wrong. She told me she hates herself and started crying then said its nothing to do with school. I asked what she meant by hating herself and she said she cant do anything with her hair and she's ugly. I told her she was having a bad moment and that a lot of people would love to have hair like hers and I struggle with getting mine to do what I want too. Basically reassure her that its normal to feel like this at times and we'd talk later tonight when she gets in from school and I get home from work but I don't know how to handle the situation. She keeps making jokes about her been fat (she isn't) so Im wondering if there is something underlying.

We've got a good relationship and are really open to eachother so I'm hoping she is able to talk to me. Thanks for any advice.

14 is such a difficult age , with social media these days kids are under so much pressure to look a certain way and get likes.Could it have been the wrong time of the month and she is just feeling generally low ?

She's talking to you so that sounds like a good start. When my DD16 has these wobbles I tell her to look in the mirror every day and say out loud one thing that she likes about herself (or doesn't hate as much as the rest) - finding one thing to like is a good first step to self love.

The teenage years are so hard, if your DD is anything like mine you'll have the whole chat planned and she'll be fine at that time because someone at school said something nice to her today!

She is a big fan of Little Mix and she has watched the Jesy Nelson documentary so I hoped that would help her see things in a different way.
@pumpkinpie01 yes I think it may be down to hormones a bit too.

@eenymeenyminyme that sounds like a good idea, I'll tell her to look in the mirror more and find something she loves about herself, thank you.

I just so worried about her and I know we've all been there when we were teens but it was a lot different back then. I just want to support her and make sure she is happy as you hear so many horror stories about mental health at this age too.

So sorry haven't replied sooner , been decorating 😩 I remember going through similar with my daughter I think it's the surge in their hormones . Do you have much one on one time with her ? Offer to go for a meal just the 2 of you keep the lines of communication open

@pumpkinpie01
Thanks for your reply and good luck with the decorating.
We do spend a lot of time together, its just the 2 of us and we go out together quite often, shopping, exploring etc. When we both got home on thursday we had tea then sat down and talked about feelings, hormones, I showed her photos of me at her age with a horrendous mullet and wr both laughed. Shes told me she will talk to me but doesn't feel she needs to right now. I think she understands we all go through it and I'm trying to make her see it's normal. Shes with her dad this weekend so I'll talk to her again when shes back with me just to reiterate I'm here for her.

You are doing all the right things , communication is key at this age . It's a hard age as some days they will feel like a child and want a cuddle and then the next day they could be feeling all grown up and rejecting you which is hard but don't take it personally. My daughter would change from one hour to the next at that age ! Looking at photos was a good idea

It's so hard, I hated my teen years.
I just want her to be happy and confident but also independent, it's so tough at times.
Thank you for your support and kind words, much appreciated.

She will come out the other side, just lots of love ,compliments and listen to her that will mean so much and will really help her.It sounds like you're doing that anyway, it's just a tough age I'm afraid. My DD is 18 but I do remember those years .