Toddler hitting and headbutting

[ColourMeExhausted]

Pretty much what the title says really. DS is 2.2 and for the past few months he has been lashing out when he doesn't get his way (which is often). I wasn't too worried at first, figured it was just a stage and if we reminded him about kind hands etc then it would get better...but it's becoming a problem. Before he would just be hitting me and DH, but now he's hitting his older sister and has started to do it at nursery.

He's pretty strong and if he gets you in an unprotected area it can really, really hurt. I've had a busted lip, DH has had a bruised nose and he's jabbed me and DH in the eye several times. It's getting to the point where I'm almost scared to get him changed or put shoes on him as it's such an exhausting/nerve wracking process...

We have no other concerns about his development, he hit his milestones all on time, and is otherwise a chatty, fun loving little boy. He loves his food, his books and playing with his sister. It's just when the red mist descends, he can't seem to stop. I have a temper too so I wonder if he's inherited from me??

So far we have tried:

Gentle/kind hands to be used - but he just laughs or ignores us.

Excessive praise for when he is gentle or affectionate to his sister or us, like kissing or hugging us.

Time out on the step/in his cot for a few minutes (increasingly the latter as he will not stay sat on the step).

Removing favourite toys as a consequence (which I'm not comfortable doing and it hasn't worked anyway, he's too young to understand).

We have tried not to shout. But when you're suddenly jabbed in the eyeball by a furious child after a long day of working and chores and you're exhausted...yeah, we have not always been successful.

Tried to get him to express his feelings in other ways. He's getting more vocal by the day but there's only so much he can tell us.

So yes, we are feeling a little desperate now! DH did nursery pick up today and they said DS had been hitting, they asked DH what we are doing about it to which he helpfully replied 'well he's been hitting us too!' so going to see if I can get some time to chat with his key worker and see if we can coordinate on a strategy for nursery and home.

But if anyone has suggestions for avoiding flailing little fists, I'm all ears!

At 2 it is difficult as he is probably too young to react to consequences or reasoning.

Can you identify what the triggers are? He is probably doing it for attention, perhaps when you are talking to your other child for example.

See if you can reduce the triggers, for example breaking off and talking to him while also talking to your DF, keeping him occupied with activities. Then target the absolute worst behaviour, perhaps hitting his sister, as soon as he does that give an immediate consequence like go to the step.

It's partly about keeping your own sanity and managing it as best you can til he is old enough to understand!

• DD, not DF!

From what I’ve read they mostly say toddlers hit or kick out as they are unable to communicate enough or express them selves and due to overwhelming emotions, frustration and impulse, they say to be supportive and patient when they are feeling this way and hitting out but to also tell them something like I know your upset right now and that’s ok but I can’t let you hurt your DSis that isn’t ok, and to be calm and to look them in the eyes at their level when talking to them and you normally find with this approach the toddler will become visibly upset and usually cry which supposedly is good as the child is letting they emotions out and the child will calm down this way and it’s also good to add you can tell me when your upset/sad/mad as they get older they will process what you have said and your reaction to them hitting/kicking/biting and will learn other ways to let out they frustration and emotions

Do you remember what happened with this OP? I could have written your post myself...