why oh why do I react to competitve mums by playing their game...

[hatwoman]

before I start I want to say that on the whole I think competitive mum syndrome as a social trend is a made up media phenomenon and quite possibly distinctly mysogynistic (which I hope I am not). 99.9 per cent of the mums I know come nowhere near. however there is one exception. she is pretty extreme - not only tells you how great her dd is and how many wonderful things she is doing but justifies it all in terms of how wonderful a little person these things will make her into. so why do I derive HUGE pleasure from being able to drop into conversation a particular activity dds do that I know hers doesn't (I'm sure she'll be taking it up soon...) when in reality I'm not into racking up activities - and those that dds do I don;t take all that seriously. so why don;t I have the balls say this to her - instead of trying to play her game? I'm just a big fat wuss aren;t I?

because its human nature and a bit of healthy competativeness is good for the soul.

dont feel bad, make it your hobby!

its sooo hard not to join in isn't it? I have to shamelefully admit to having to try really really hard not to succumb, and I fail miserably sometimes. I'm getting better and manage to adopt a kind of benign grin in these circumstances, or I go to the other extreme and go totally overboard praising their LO.
Hate myself when I do drop the odd purposeful competitive snippet in, but God, these mums deserve putting in their place every now and again.

I find 'wow, that's amazing, she's so well developed considering her parents' nips that sort of thing in the bud

Lol at wmmc.
Yup, the baby olympics, funny how with the best will in the world you can find yourself dragged in? It stops by the time they are teenagers.

Or 'really, she's just started speaking swahili/knitting her own yoghurt/reciting prime numbers, wow!' Then look at your DD and wink knowingly with a smile.

Alternatively say something along the lines of 'I feel quite sorry for children these days, pushed from class to class, no time to play or enjoy themselves, it's no wonder overachieving kids turn into depressed teens is it?'

I just say, "Oh does she? You must be very proud" and watch them struggle with the comment, not sure whether to do a modest blush, look at you suspiciously to see if you are sincere or attempt some praise back -either way it's funny.

maybe we're all a little competitive.

i was stupidly puffed up and proud last year when my dd won the pumpkin competition

but gutted when she only got second place in the easter one...i mean fgs...it was a faberge egg

This made me lol hatwoman.

You have it perfectly.

This is exactly what happens, you endure, you put up with and then you can't take it anymore and you can't say 'Oh shut up you boring boring insecure self-obsessed women from hell' so you say, 'dd is really really enjoying kayaking at the moment - yours don't do that do they?'

I do this. I hate myself. I can't help it.

A glazed expression and inspecting ones nails can bring the other mum back down to earth too.

As can 'ooh look, your DD is eating worms over there in the sandpit'

agree with heated - i met up with a mum of that type the other week and spent the whole time saying - "wow you must be so proud of that" until she really looked like an idiot, esp as it was patently obvious my LO of 1 month younger was doing exactly the same things as her DS, I also say - well they all level out don't they?

Well I have a MN meet up tomorrow so we'll see if anyone there is frighteningly competitive. I'm always frightened to say 'DD is doing X now, because she then refuses to do it for weeks'.

I did say last month 'oh no, she's very average, only just crawling' at mums and toddlers and she immediately stood up unaided and grinned at everyone (she's ten months now)

wmmc - I once tried the "it's ridiculous how much some kids do these days" approach, she agreed with me and then proceeded to tall me that her dd "just" does ..... half an hour later I had to grub about on the floor looking for my jaw

I sometimes do the opposite, just to confuse competitive people. As an example my FIL (not a mum I know, but you get what I mean) goes on and on about how when my ds is at their house he watches no tv and is always busy busy while making sniping comments about him being watching tv when he arrives to collect him from our house . So I just say "oh yes he's CONSTANTLY watching it here, does nothing else, can't peel him away from it, etc etc"

I know it's naughty (and obviously not true, he hardly watches it at home) but I got fed up of trying to explain/defend myself in some way....so maybe try that hatwoman....but to be fair they may all start avoiding you and think you are the devil woman LOL, works with my IL's!