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Feeling like the worst mum in the world :’(

23 replies

Dontbsicily · 08/01/2020 02:49

Currently typing this from the chair next to my 12 week old baby girls hospital bed and looking for a bit of reassurance from someone who isn’t my DP or DM.

I initially EBF my LO and after a couple of months introduced the odd bottle with the vision of slowly transitioning. I decided earlier today that I would invest in one of those bottle making machines and up the amount of bottles I was giving her as, up until now I was using the premixed milk however it is very expensive and not sustainable for us if she is having more frequent bottles. I went to ASDA this afternoon but they did not have the machine in stock and so, I just purchased some of the formula powder and decided to buy online instead.

When I got home and LO woke from her nap I decided to give the powder a try. She started to cry and without thinking, I picked her up and attempted to settle her whilst I continued making the bottle. I had already poured the water into the bottle and just had to put the formula in and cool it down. I hadn’t made a bottle up before but, I know that you should not pick your baby up whilst dealing with hot liquids. I was so stupid and whilst putting the formula in the bottle I knocked the bottle over and covered myself in the hot water and my baby girls bare leg. I immediately put her in the sink and hosed her down with cold water and as I did this, the skin started to move on the top of her foot and eventually came away. I was devastated and called 999 immediately. The paramedic was there within minutes and he called an ambulance to take her to hospital (they were 30 minutes) I had given her calpol and nurofen and breastfed her which settled her completely and she had a little nap before waking up and smiling away at everyone. She seemed fine and everyone told me I did everything I was supposed to do but I am heartbroken. Her screams after the water hit her foot will ring in my ears forever 😢

We were at the hospital 3 hours before they assessed her and she was cooing away and charming all of the staff and passers by whilst we listened to their conversations about how no one wanted to take her on due to her age etc and how busy they were. Eventually they told us that we needed to travel an hour to a hospital with a Pediatric burns unit to be assessed and for the wound to be dressed properly.

The second hospital saw her immediately, cleaned and dressed the wound and told us that this was classed as a medium dermal burn which means it was only the first layer of skin and whilst it wasn’t superficial, it wasn’t deep. They were concerned that the wound looked wet and said if it were to weep and leak, we would have to come back and so, to be on the safe side asked if we would stay and wait to see the consultant at 9am.

So here I am at 2:45am sat staring at her whilst her and her dad are fast asleep.

Everyone keeps telling me this is a common mistake and it was an accident etc but I can’t believe I was so stupid. Why didn’t I just breast feed her if she was crying? What if it went on her face or in her eyes?

I feel sick with guilt and worry even though I know she is alright.

Sorry for the essay, I think I am just killing some time and emptying out my thoughts as, I don’t think my close family and friends will get it and I’m hoping someone else on here might be able to relate to me somehow?

If you have made it this far... thank you for “listening” x

OP posts:
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PinkSpring · 08/01/2020 02:54

It was an accident, you can't beat yourself up about it. Mistakes happen and she is fine!

littleduckeggblue · 08/01/2020 02:57

Big hug
Accidents happen. What's done is done. You will always think "what if"
Don't be hard on yourself!
Sending love x

stilldoesntknowwhatshappening · 08/01/2020 02:58

It happened. You can't change that. You beating yourself up isn't helping anyone and being up this late certainly isn't going to help you in the morning when you need to communicate with Doctors and medical staff.

You're presumably never going to do this again so you just have to get through the next few hours and then you'll be home.
And before you know it she'll be healed and this will all be a bad memory. Just take a deep breath. Turn off your phone and get some sleep.

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eaglejulesk · 08/01/2020 03:28

It was an accident, not your fault. Please don't torture yourself, we all do things we shouldn't at times, you were just unlucky in knocking the bottle over. It sounds as though your little girl will be fine, and you did all the right things after the accident. Hugs. Flowers

bettybattenburg · 08/01/2020 03:38

If you were a bad parent then you wouldn't be beating yourself up about the accident. Accidents do happen and we all make mistakes.
It sounds like your lovely daughter will be fine and you are in the right place.

Vickisponge · 08/01/2020 03:53

We all take risks and shortcuts every day because if we didn't parenting would be impossible. Don't beat yourself up over it and instead be proud of how you dealt with it. It sounded like you were superb and knew exactly what to do when she was hurt and that's the sign of a super mum. So well done for looking after your baby girl so well! I'm not sure I'd have been so calm and known how to treat my baby so effectively.

Expressedways · 08/01/2020 04:09

It was a really unfortunate accident but after it happened you dealt with it so well and did everything you were supposed to do to help your little girl. That makes you a great mum. I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight and are home tomorrow.

Lilkat · 08/01/2020 07:29

Oh my heart goes out to you! You're not a bad mum, you had an accident, and you showed great presence of mind in how you responded. If you hadn't reacted so quickly things could have been worse but you did everything in your power to make things better.
It's normal to feel bad when things like this happen, but try to keep some perspective - your lo is okay, it's upsetting and scary for you but you're not a bad mum. I hope you got some rest and get home with your lo soon x

DocusDiplo · 08/01/2020 07:33

I'm sorry OP Flowers
She will be OK. Good lesson, no long-term harm done. Try and be kind and gentle on yourself. It's OK. You must feel really horrible. It's all over now. Try and relax. Sorry Brew

brightlights73 · 08/01/2020 07:44

This happened to me. Put a mug of scalding hot fruit tea a shelf, which just toddling dd wobbled and splashed tea on both arms. Had to have them dressed in hospital, I could not believe I had been so stupid and cried and cried. I still can't believe I did it, I'm generally a very sensible and cautious person. Dd is 9 now, and when I think about it now I realise that this is the nature of accidents, it's really obvious afterwards but for whatever reason you just don't see the danger at the time, I felt so guilty for years for putting my little girl at risk, but these days I'm more gentle with myself and grateful it wasn't worse, And dd doesn't even remember.

Bipbipbipbip · 08/01/2020 08:54

It was an accident, these things happen. You acted quickly and she's getting help.
Have you been checked out too for burns?

SinkGirl · 08/01/2020 09:02

Oh my lovely, it is awful being in hospital with a baby at the best of times, and even worse if you feel responsible (different situation but similar feelings when one of my twins was readmitted as a little baby).

You responded brilliantly and did everything right. When you’re sleep deprived accidents can happen, it doesn’t make you a bad parent. So many of my friends have had accidents when their friends were babies - falling downstairs holding them, baby pulling coffee on to themselves etc. This doesn’t make you a bad parent in the least, accidents can happen to anyone.

TheVanguardSix · 08/01/2020 09:09

Oh you poor soul. Your poor baby. You've done brilliantly. You acted fast and took all the right steps. And everything is alright. You're alright. She's alright. Dad's the lucky one sleeping. Group hug. Huddle in. Breathe.
OP, I still wake up in the night with my heart in my mouth when I reflect on two 'close calls'- one with DC1 and the other with DC3. Even as I type, my heart races. I mean, DC1 is about to turn 18 and I still get anxiety over that close call.
As for you and your baby: She's here. She's fine. Yesterday's gone. Fresh start.
Make it your mantra and seriously, think those thoughts whenever memories of that bad moment seep inside.
And take no blame! These things really, really do just happen.
Flowers

Dontbsicily · 08/01/2020 09:30

Thank you so much for all of your kind replies and reassuring stories. The consultant has been to see her this am and just wants the pediatric doc to give her the all clear before we go home. LO slept from 1-6 without a murmur, fed and changed and went back down and still fast asleep now, perfectly happy, which eases me somewhat. I think I managed to snooze for an hour or two. My mind was in overdrive with thoughts of regret and guilt, as expected.

The consultant said to us “Trust me, accidents like these are unbelievably common. Hot water bottles and hair straighteners are what keep us in business on this unit. We once had 7 in one day.” Which again, was somewhat reassuring.

At least I have learned a very very difficult lesson. DP and I keep reflecting on all of the occasions whereby we have held her and taken a swig of hot tea etc. I think it’s safe to say our baby girl will be coming nowhere near anything hot in future.

Thank you again x

OP posts:
AmazingGreats · 08/01/2020 09:30

I make bottles all the time and so with my third child I thought I knew what I was doing. So make it one handed early one morning so I could cuddle him and not wake the others? No problem. Except the milk was hotter than I expected, so when I shook the bottle it spurted out the top and all over me. It missed the baby, but I was burnt and that was pure luck that it missed him. Since then I have never made a bottle without putting the baby down first (and never will).

EmeraldShamrock · 08/01/2020 09:34

Oh OP it was an accident.
You saved your baby too, good idea or no more hot drinks in a few months they pull over everything when crawling.

PenguinMama · 08/01/2020 09:41

Oh op, it was an accident! As the consultant says, it happens lots so you need to stop beating yourself up. You did everything you should afterwards and she's going to be ok.

When I was 5 or 6 I managed to tip a boiling kettle down myself when it was closer to the edge of the table than my parents realised - a few dressings and monitoring and it was fine - not even a scar.

Are you going home today?

katzenellenbogen · 08/01/2020 10:05

What a dreadful shock for you.
You acted quickly and did exactly the right thing.
She will be fine - go easy on yourself.

Dontbsicily · 08/01/2020 17:48

@PenguinMama, thank you. We are all home and settled now but meet to keep making the hour long drive back to the burns unit every few days to redress the wound until it has healed.

LO was awake a lot at the hospital today with so much going on and so, slept all the way home and has slept after each feed since then. She must be knackered poor thing. It was a stressful 24 hours for her :(

OP posts:
frankincenseandmur · 08/01/2020 17:53

You did exactly the right thing, don’t beat yourself up, we all make mistakes

LovelyBrick · 08/01/2020 18:09

It was an unfortunate accident and you responded immediately. Mothers guilt is the very worse, I dropped a cup of tea over my son and 30 years later I still get palpitations when I think about it.

confusedandemployed · 08/01/2020 18:14

The same thing happened to me at a similar age to your DD. My DM spilt boiling water over my arm. It happens, it was an accident. I'm not minimising how terrible you must feel but honestly, no real harm was done.

I certainly don't remember a thing about it!

I hope your DD is soon all healed.

PenguinMama · 08/01/2020 18:51

Glad you're home and I hope your DD sleeps well, and recovers soon (almost certainly she'll feel better before you!). You're doing brilliantly and make sure you get some rest too Flowers

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