Cry it out alternatives?

[Jane11113]

Hi guys,

My 9mo is becoming a little harder to get to sleep on a night. He is bottle fed and doesn't have a dummy, so the only form of comfort he's used to to fall to sleep is being rocked or talked/sang to. This is taking its tole on me and my husband (and our backs as he weighs a lot) but I just don't think the cry it out method is for me.

I've researched it a lot, and I know it works for so many people and my husband is really for it. But we tried it once and I went in after 5 minutes and he was in such a state it really upset me and I don't want to try it again.

Surely there has to be some other options of what I can try, that are maybe a softer approach to this?

Someone did suggest putting my hand on his chest and hushing him. This doesn't work for us as he's always sitting or standing and he just gets even more worked up by the fact that I'm not picking him up.

Nap times are usually really easy as he seems to fall asleep on the bottle throughout the day and I just transfer him to bed easily, but at night he needs a lot of comfort.

Any other suggestions? Many thanks xxx

Sorry I know you said not cry it out, but I got upset with my son too... it was horrible and I felt so bad. But my OH took over as he was all for it, so he did it and the longest our son cried for was 18 minutes.
By day 3 he was sleeping 7-7pm!
He was 7 months old.

Worth it for 18 mins crying!

So did you just leave him to cry and not go in at all? As I found that when I went in after 5 minutes (as I know a lot of people are advised to do) he was just sooo much worse x

Also, what did you do in the meantime, did you listen or go out?

We did controlled crying which is going in every few minutes with the gaps getting longer. Took a couple of days. We also did pick up put down in the night to help DS when he was crying during nighttimes as I hated just leaving him plus didn't want the neighbours to suffer at 3am.

Friend of mine did gradual retreat - she's a bit more "gentle parenting" than me.

We did gradual retreat based on Kim West's book - google the sleep lady sleep shuffle. It worked brilliantly and I was initially really sceptical anything would help as DS was such a terror at night!

Can you get a rocking chair or somewhere else comfortable to sit with him? Try singing or music while you rub his back, etc it’s really just about figuring out something else that works better.

Mine were both fed, rocked, held to sleep and we co-slept. When that didn’t work anymore, it was a matter of figuring something else that did - a story, cuddly toy, cup of milk, singing. Youngest now mostly puts himself to sleep (he’s nearly 2) and sleeps through and we didn’t have to do anything except wait for it to happen on its own. In the meantime, it’s just about finding another strategy that works well for everyone without causing distress.

I did the gentlest controlled crying I could think of. I was dreading it, but in 3 days my son went off to sleep with no tears. He was 7months at the time.

I cuddled him until drowsy then put him in his cot, went downstairs and timed 3 mins. He cried of course. At 3 mins I went upstairs, made no eye contact and didn’t speak apart from ‘shhh shhh’. I picked him up, only very briefly, quick pat on back, kiss on cheek for reassurance & put back down whether crying or not for another 3mins. Repeated until baby asleep. First time took 20mins. Second night 15, third night he just went straight to sleep.

3 minute intervals seems like a faff, but my logic was that the baby is learning that although you are not in the room holding him, you are still there — só frequent returns for reassurance makes the point quicker than him having to screech himself into a state first. It’s just the baby learning that they can fall to sleep on their own and that you are nearby.

The best advice I ever got for sleep and babies is ‘at night BE BORING’ even now with a nine & five year old, if they wake they get minimal conversation just ‘shhh shhh, it’s night time, have some water, shhh night night.’ So they know there is nothing more interesting on the cards than sleeping.

Good luck x

Im currently going through this so would be good to follow your thread OP.

My baby appears to be a lot more stubborn and has a lot more stamina than everyone else's babies!! If only it would take 18 mins :(

I did this once and my dd got into a right state worse than what she was didn't do it again!