Help me figure out a new routine! 3 DC’s 3 & under + nursery pick up/drop offs.

[FreudianShit]

Hi,

I have three DC’s - DC1 has just turned 3, DC2 has just turned 2 and DC3 is 4 months old.

DC1 started nursery this week, he’s going Monday to Friday for the morning sessions which start at 9 and finish at 12. His nursery is about a 20 minute walk away, so 40-45 minute round trip, but if you throw in getting three kids dressed, loaded up in a pushchair and a sling and out of the house, and then unloaded when I get home again, it ends up being closer to an hour and a half of mad rushing about in the morning then again mid afternoon.

My question really is this, as I know many of you on here have been there, done that, so need some advice - how do you juggle the drop offs, housework, naps, pick ups, make dinner, more naps etc!?

Before nursery, we all had a good routine which worked well for each of us. DC2 would go down for a nap at around 11 and would sleep for 2-3 hours. During that time, I could get the baby to sleep for a decent length and give DC3 his lunch, allowing me a nice chunk of time to crack on with the majority of the housework and prepping dinner etc. But now I feel at a loss and can’t think of a routine that will benefit all of us.

The time that we leave in the morning is slap bang when I’d usually put the baby down for his first nap of the day. He won’t nap in the sling, meaning that once we’ve dropped DC1 off and have got back home again, the baby has missed his ‘nap window’ and is overtired and cranky. I then spend forever trying to get the baby to sleep for a while before we need to leave again, but with no luck. DC2 is no longer able to nap at his usual time, due to the time we need to leave to pick DC1 up again. So DC2 now naps much later in the day which will no doubt see a knock on effect at his bed time, but he’s a miserable crank if he doesn’t get a nap, so I now don’t have much choice! The baby hasn’t napped at all today, because again, we was out picking DC1 up when he’d have been having his lunch time nap!

I haven’t managed to get any housework done as I’ve been struggling to stop the baby from constantly crying where he’s so over tired, on top of making DC1 and DC2 their lunch/generally keeping them amused and attempting to prep some stuff for dinner in the 5 minutes of calm I've managed to get.

There are clothes sat on the airer that need putting away, a washing machine full of clothes that need hanging out, a sink full of dishes, all beds are still unmade, there are chalks, pens, 2000 books and blocks all over the lounge floor and I now need to start getting dinner on the go even though right now is when the baby starts to cluster feed (and will not be put down for love nor money!) and will continue to do so up until about 8-9pm tonight!

Help! I wish I was someone that could turn a blind eye to mess etc, but a messy home and things left unfinished really effect my mental state and drag me down; what’s more, we kind of need cutlery and things to wear so not exactly ‘jobs’ I can pretend don’t need doing like dusting or bleaching the bathroom.

Any advice for what things I could do make my day easier/a structure that worked for you will be massively appreciated!!! It’s only day 2 of this new set up and I can already see myself losing the plot before Friday!

Anyone???

That sounds like an absolute nightmare to be honest. My first one was in school 8:30-3 when I had my 2nd and even then the days were quite short.

The socialisation is lovely for them, but it’s also to give you a break too. I couldn’t imagine doing 9-12 5 days a week. Can you switch to longer days but not every day? I was back to work and mine was in 9-5 by that age, so they really do adjust. Otherwise your other two miss out on pretty much half a day of quality time with you with all that faffing about and rushing places and that hardly seems worth it.

Could you change DC1’s nursery hours and have him doing 2-3 full days rather than five mornings?

Sorry cross posted with @mindutopia!

I would definitely change it to 2 full days rather than 5 mornings if you can. I’m assuming that driving isn’t an option?

Either change to full days or try nursery again in six months!

I feel for you, DC1 was in nursery of an afternoon but it was a pain so he's now in all day.
Will the baby sleep in a pram? Could you so the drop offs with the baby in a pram then he would sleep at his usual time? I'm guessing maybe DC2 is in a pram (?) which would mean getting a double pram.

If your baby won't sleep in a sling, could you get a double pushchair for the youngest two and a buggy board for your three year old. My baby will sleep on the way to and from nursery but will wake for drop off.

You and the children will adjust and get used to the new routine after a while. My son goes to the afternoon session (12.30 to 16.30) so we all have lunch at 11.00 am which was strange at first but we're used to it now!

I initially wanted DC1 to do a couple of full days - to give myself a bit more of a break and to get him used to being away from me for a longer stretch of time, but DH said establishing a routine of DC1 going somewhere every day and being apart from me every day would be more beneficial for him adjusting to school.

But honestly, today was so chaotic, all for DC1 to be at nursery for three hours. It just doesn't seem worth it. Poor DC2 getting lugged around twice a day and disturbing his nap time, dc3 not being able to have any naps because it's all just massively clashing and mucking everything up, no housework being able to get done because I'm playing catch up with everyone's naps.

I wasn't sure if this was something I'd just have to get used to, or if it really does seem a bit ridiculous

We have a double pram, but if I put baby in the carry cot then a buggy board won't attach to it - stupid I know! Plus, the baby takes a while to drift off in the pushchair; I'm talking almost an hour of solid walking before he begins to settle, so unfortunately that wouldn't be much use anyway!

That sounds a complete nightmare and I’ve done the whole drop off in complete directions thing. I would a) see if he can do 9-3 two days a week instead of the five mornings or b) drop the nursery for now and try again in a few months when your baby is a bt older and has dropped morning naps (saying that mine didn’t stop her morning nap until 21 months!). Why make the other two and you suffer just so your older one can do a few hrs. Also remember your own mental health and well being, you’ll end up exhausted.

Can your dh do Drop off at all?

I think I might try and see out the week and hope the last two days were just awful blips. If nothing improves over the next few days, then I'm going to have to re-evaluate things. I can't go from having a routine that suited each of us so well, to disrupting two of my children's lives just so one dc can play at nursery for a couple of hours every day.

DH leaves for work at 6, so it's on me to do all the carting around I'm afraid

I feel your pain. I have a 3 year old 2 year old and 5 month old. My 3 year old goes to playschool 12 - 3. All up at 730 fed together then all changed. Baby down for nap. Put 2 in front of telly while I get beds made , house aired , wash up , load of washing on , general tidy. Set off to do what jobs need doing. Drop dc1 off at 12. Home 2 fed 1 down for nap. Clean up more laundry prep dinner. Collection at 3. Back home some outside time. Baby in buggy may or may not nap. Dinner. bath. bed. Sit down and relax . All 3 in bed by 7. Literally exhausted writing this! Its mental. Only a few years in it .

Wow! You sound amazing!
Try to get baby used to napping in the pram on the way there?
When you get in from Nursery could your middle one have a nap then or is too late? Could he/she have had an early lunch so they can go for a sleep as soon as you’re back?
I think giving your DH jobs to do in the evening would help E.g.

• Prepare lunch for next day (including yours)
• Put some washing away

Could you try to allocate particular times the day to particular jobs?
E.g. 4:00 ish start or prep a meal
6:00 Quick tidy up

I feel like I'd just got in to the swing of having three so close in age, and found a pattern/routine that works for us, and now it's like it's all been turned on it's head and I'm back to running around like a headless chicken with screaming children and a car crash of a house wondering what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing.

I would see if you could change it to full days instead. I would be inclined to tell DH that if he’s not helping with the rushing around then he doesn’t get a say

I can't put DC2 down for his nap after the drop off as that's too early in the morning and he just won't sleep at that time. He will sleep after we've done the pick up which is something I guess, but I'm wary of the later nap affecting how easily he falls asleep at bed time/night wakings.

DH doesn't really like to do housework once he's in from work. He'll get DC1 and DC2 in to bed and do their bedtime routine with them, as I'm in the front room cluster feeding the baby, but once the elder two are sorted, he views the evening as his chill out time which is fair enough, he works long hours and I don't do much in the way of housework in the evening either as I'm 1) feeding/settling the baby and 2) too tired to do much else!

I never would've thought doing something as simple as a pick up and a drop off would disrupt my day this much, and I'm gutted that it has. I was looking forward to dc being able to attend nursery every day and me having some time with just two children, but if him going every day means I'm going to be left with a cranky, tired baby and toddler and no housework being able to get done, then it doesn't really seem feasible at the moment.

I'd definitely switch to s couple of full days instead.

Honestly, you sound like a super woman, and your previous routine worked so I'd really consider if these nursery hours work for you.

Tell your DH plenty of children do 2/3 full days at nursery and settle into school fine, and he's welcome to take on more jobs at home.

I know nursery is beneficial, but the situation isn't benefiting the other three of you (excluding DH).

"but DH said establishing a routine of DC1 going somewhere every day and being apart from me every day would be more beneficial"

Wow...easy for your husband to say, especially as he's not actually doing any of the drop offs or pick ups.

And he doesn't like to do housework when he gets in from work, you say?

I think it sounds an absolute faff and I'd be scrapping the 5 mornings a week immediately. Hopefully you can get him in 2 full days, giving two days of quality time with your younger two and the meaning that you can have a more relaxed / flexible schedule on the days when you have all 3.

We did morning nursery, I only have 2 but it wasn't easy at first but you soon adapt ... I simply used the two hours or so to do jobs in the morning as dd fell asleep usually on the way back from nursery drop off

Just turned 3...I wouldn't bother with nursery, try again in a few months if you can. Lots would start at 3.5 years.

Or else a bike and trailer if roads are quiet/cycle lane? Share the run with another parent so 1 drops and 1 collects? Taxi?

I wouldn’t bother going home. When I had one in nursery and one not I went to a playgroup and then went back to pick dc1 up. Would something like that work? We had some fab playgroups here, the people running them would hold dd when she was a little baby so I could play with ds and the other way round when dd needed feeding. You can then all have a chill out in the afternoon with long naps then. If your children agree that is!