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At what age do you get 'tough' on them?

5 replies

goldpendant · 06/01/2020 18:29

Hi all,

We've 2DC, DS is just 6, and DD just 4. DD generally very easy but we are continuing to struggle with DS.

Over the years we've sought advice from HV's, counsellors, for behaviour issues. Aspergers/HFA suggested but too young to tell and more likely just "hypersensitive".

Things are generally better as a trend than they were at age 4, but typically on a daily basis we have to contend with;

  • early wake up calls when DS will selfishly demand we get up, shout, flail around in our room and usually wake his sister in the process.
  • Demands over breakfast, type, etc. General impatience and overreaction to any discipline we try to instill in the morning routine.
  • generally annoying and provocative to his sister. In her space, taunting, competition etc.
  • generally disinterested in schoolwork (unless topic related in which he excels). Yet upset when his friends move up a reading level - we don't seem to be able to motivate him at all. Sometimes some handwriting goes ok at home if we engage him with a topic or something he's currently into.
  • generally insolent attitude to things, unless we are doing what he wants and on his terms.

As we get to the end of the holidays this has tipped DH and I to boiling point and we've both shouted more than we would want to. We both feel tremendous guilt and hate coming down on DS so hard. I know his brain is still developing as is his emotional intelligence- but at what point/age do you have to start to come down on this kind of behaviour? Or how do we manage it more effectively? He is a really bright boy, very in touch with his feelings and usually those of others, but to his immediate family he frequently just shows us disdain.

One thing worth mentioning- DS seems to find discipline very hard to take, either laughing his way through any kind of intervention we stage (serious chat, time out type things), or shouting the house down himself (learned from us I'm sure).

School goes back tomorrow and I'm sure a lot of this has come from the over excitement of Christmas (birthday and lots of gifts at end November too), but we do need to nip it in the bud, he creates a lot of tension and angst at home.

Grateful for any advice- whether "normal" 6yo behaviour or other!

OP posts:
Coughy4u · 07/01/2020 04:37

I think look at improving your parenting skills rather than getting tough.

TwinMum89 · 07/01/2020 04:41

Have a look at Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s book Gentle Parenting.

These articles may also help: sarahockwell-smith.com/tag/gentle-discipline/

goldpendant · 07/01/2020 09:39

Thanks..... yeah, we've tried that, gentle parenting, AHA parenting, used lots of strategies over the years but nothing seems to create much change.

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TheReef · 07/01/2020 09:44

Is he like this at school? If so I'd have a chat with the school Senco about his behaviour, they may also have some ideas on how to motivate him, plus you can combine home and school rewards and parent in a similar way that they teach him (if that makes sense). Give him a sense of continuity.

My dc sound very much like yours. My eldest is quite, gentle and a breeze, my youngest is chaos. She's 8 and the night before last woke the entire house at midnight as she suddenly wanted her light on (this is not unusual and can be for a variety of reasons), she's just been diagnosed with ADHD.

goldpendant · 07/01/2020 11:35

Nope, he's a gem at school, glowing reports, reading/writing distinctly average but excelling in all the other PSHE/topic/attitude areas. "Kind, gentle, popular"

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