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Parenting

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Stopping contact with my daughter

7 replies

Tatiebee97 · 05/01/2020 19:36

I found out I was pregnant on the 23 February 2019
I told the dad I was pregnant. First of all he said abort. But I chose to keep going with the pregnancy. He decided he didn't want nothing to do with us.

Around my 12 week scan he asked for a picture. So I sent him one, I wasn't going to deny him I wasn't going to stop him seeing her. He has his right to.
He then blocked me on my 20 week scan because he didn't want his new gf to find out.

He would message me from about 26 weeks onwards saying how happy he was that I kept her, that he want to be part of her life that he can wait.

While he was saying all of this he was also having a go at me for wasting money on baby clothes, buying my LG what she needed. I was doing it on my own so I only got her the main things with the money I had. He invested nothing in her. Yet he drove round in his car day in day out picking up people sitting in car parks. Not once did I ask him.

The day I went in to labour he said he wanted to just come up and see me for 10 minutes.... he rang me while I was in the middle of contractions and made the joke "it sounds like you've been out running... I didn't know you exercised" so I put the phone down. He then messaged me having at go at me calling me all names under the sun. I was in a lot of pain I wasn't down for jokes. He then demanded that my mom come off the ward so he could sit there and basically take the piss out of me while I was in labour. I asked him if he wanted to be in the delivery room. He said " na I'm okay I got better things to do"

Fast forward to 2 days pp, he demanded he seen her. I had 3rd degree tear and could hardly walk. So I offered for him to come to my parents house where I was for him to see her. At first he refused he wanted me to go out and he drive around. No thank you...

But every since she has been born he says I don't let him see her. But he doesn't ask. He says I stop him being involved yet he never bothers. No once have I stopped him or debtors him access. Every time he asks to see her I let him. He pays zero maintenance. Yet says he wants this and that. So I gave up and said to him he can see her but I want nothing to do with him.

I met someone else I went on a few dates and one of his mates see me. My daughter was at home having sleep overs with her little cousins. So as you can imagine it got back to him and he blew his top. He was saying " so someone's playing dad to my kid"... no he isn't we went on a date and so what if in the future he steps up.

So my question is what would you do? Would you carry on letting him do what he wants or just cut off from him completely and carry on as a single parent.

OP posts:
SuckingDieselFella · 05/01/2020 19:40

I would get legal advice. Your ex may do this himself to demand his rights.

KidCaneGoat · 05/01/2020 19:41

You need better boundaries with contact.

SoulStarS · 05/01/2020 19:44

Is he on the birth certificate?

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Tatiebee97 · 05/01/2020 22:52

I asked him to come to the registry office but he was "busy" so no he's not. I've also been told to claim child maintenance it I don't really want his money tbh I'm doing just fine without it but if I did get it I'd put it in her bank account and tell her that's what I saved out of the money he game me.

OP posts:
Disillusioneddaisy · 05/01/2020 22:57

If he's not on the birth certificate he hasn't got parental rights. He would need to fight for that but judging by what you've said he sounds like a silly little boy who has no interest in his daughter, he just wants to control you and piss you off.

Don't take offence but you both sound young. If this is the case you have plenty of time to meet someone else and create a happy family life. For now concentrate on your daughter and stop wasting your time and energy on this waste of space.

Give him the opportunity to see his daughter but with firm boundaries in place. If he breaks these or behaves badly then stop contact. He doesn't sound like he's going to be a positive influence in her life and he will continue to bring you down too.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 06/01/2020 13:24

Agree with everyone else about setting boundaries and sticking to them, no matter how much he pushes back about them.

If he's not on the birth certificate, then he has no parental rights.

He sounds really immature and probably needs careful management because he sounds incapable of measured emotional responses. It'll be great practice for when your DD is a teenager!

RhinoskinhaveI · 06/01/2020 13:26

He's stuck at the level of a 9-year-old boy isn't he😳
You should deal with him accordingly, just don't waste your time with this idiot, you don't want him to be your problem
he's neither use nor ornament get rid ASAP

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