Toddler regressing to breastfeeding

[Goostacean]

Not sure regression is the right word... DC1, 23mo, stopped breastfeeding at 15-16mo because of a combination of my early pregnancy, illness, and return to work meant I couldn’t continue.

Now that DC2 is here (4weeks old), I’m breastfeeding the newborn and DC1 showed an interest in the breast. All fine, internet advised letting DC1 have a go to avoid them feeling left out. However now DC1 wants to feed first thing in the morning and before bed, and it’s the only time I’ve seen him be unkind to the baby- pushing baby out of the way because baby was impeding access!

How to handle? Has anyone had this situation? I like breastfeeding so happy to let DC1 continue but don’t want to end up with sibling acrimony or supply issues or any other problems...

Anyone...? Was very insistent on a feed again this morning!

To be honest, I'm surprised he can remember how to do it. Is he actually drinking the milk?

Seems to be, I can feel the letdown and then he’s swallowing...

Do your nipples hurt after he’s done? If so his latch reflex is probably gone and I would be getting really strict. If not then provided he is kind to the baby and lets baby have its turn first then let him continue

Interesting, thanks for your reply. Really not sure how to handle it as it makes him SO happy when I say he can do it, but he’s getting a bit rough with baby when he thinks baby is getting a go and he isn’t. I also don’t want issues with supply for baby.

Nipples are fine except in certain positions where his teeth seem to get in the way; he’s not biting or anything, as far as I can tell.

I think I you need to tell him no tbh. 7/8 months have passed since he weaned from the breast. There is no need for him to be feeding from you.

'I like breastfeeding' isn't really a reason to let him continue, particularly as you are feeding a baby anyway.

Does he get 1-2-1 time with you or his dad without the baby? If not then make that happen - he doesn’t want of need the milk he just feels left out. Letting him feed when he has lost his latch reflex may result in you needing to stop bf the baby faster if you get an infection etc and that’s not fair.

To be honest I would just say no. He's old enough to understand the baby needs to feed now, not him. It must be very confusing for him to be going back to breastfeeding when he's so long weaned - I suspect he's copying rather than remembering.

I think only you can decide whether to stop him or not. My 23mo has suddenly started demanding a lot more milk during the day. She has cows milk in a bottle at bedtime and bf first thing in the morning, but she's been dragging me to the cupboard and the fridge throughout the day for a couple weeks - she wants extra milk at least 3 times a day. My instinct (she's DC3) says this is a phase and I'm happy to go with it as long as its not affecting her meals.

Could you compromise and give him one feed at a time that you're happy with, and the rest of the time he gets cows milk and a cuddle while the newbie feeds so he knows he's not being pushed out?

Congratulations on your new baby, emotional times for everyone!

Do you have a LLL locally? They would be able to give you lots of good advice.

Mine were much older when they got new siblings so didn’t tandem but I have Several friends who did/do & they all say it made the kids really close - lots of cute stories about holding hands while feeding/offering baby the other breast

I think there is a huge difference between tandem feeding and regression. If the OP toddler was regressing with potty training (for example) nobody would be saying it was fine and to buy him nappies, they would be suggesting ways to help stop the regression.

I don’t think it’s the same as going back to nappies - it’s not really a regression it’s age appropriate but the opportunity to BF was removed but has now been returned.

Well, to follow up, DC1 has largely forgotten and can be fobbed off with toys and cow’s milk, except if I’m actually in bed with him (we don’t cosleep so I’m referring to eg weekend morning cuddles in the adult bed) or if he’s unsettled. For example yesterday evening after nursery, having spent overnight with grandparents, he was quite emotional and, after persistent requests, had a feed after baby was done.

I don’t want to make it a regular occurrence, but DC1 is still so little - he just seems like a big lump in comparison to the baby! So am happy to soothe him this way occasionally when he needs it. Doesn’t seem to be having any negative effects- except for drawing judgement from my DH and DM when I mentioned it!

I would get professional advice.

My gut would say let him. Presumably the baby doesn't know if toddler is taking his turn first and maybe he needs to feel he comes first still sometimes. Also, he'd be getting the foremilk and leaving hindmilk for baby. Don't know if that would be a problem with baby not getting enough fluid though.

Toddlers feel so huge when a new baby comes along, but they are really so little and emotionally driven.