Toddler hitting before bed

[patchworkelephant123]

Help! My 20 month old has always being difficult to get to bed. However now when he's tired he's started lashing out, hitting me repeatedly six or seven times whilst crying. He's never done this to anyone other than me and only does it at bedtime.

I've tried stopping him and saying calmly not to do that as it hurts Mummy and makes her sad. What else can I try? Is this normal behaviour?

They sound massively overtired, I'd start bedtime an hour earlier with an aim to be asleep 30kinearlier at least.
I'd also shake up bedtime routine a little to lose the association with hitting you and going to sleep.
What is you routine at the moment?

Its probably just a phase. Could she be over tired? What time is her bedtime? Maybe you could try making it a bit earlier. But I wouldn't expect it to make a difference straight away.

You could try using naughty step or time out step. I think at that age they can just about understand...again I think it only works after a few times of doing it. And I'd only put them on the naughty step until they calm down rather than a set amount of time.
I've used the naughty step for brushing teeth.

Also you could give a consequence to the hitting. Like if you hit me then no bed time story.

Is there anything you can do to make the bed time routine run more smoothly and more expected. Like giving a longer warning?

It's great that you've been calm about telling her not to hit you.

I start bedtime between six and seven, switch the lights off and go upstairs, we change into pyjamas and have a bedtime story and then cuddle. He's always needed to be cuddled to sleep. I've tried bedtime baths but find he gets too excited right before bed. It can take him anywhere from half an hour to three hours to fall asleep. Usually around an hour in is when the hitting starts.

Woops *he

Ah so do you cuddle him for upto 3 hours then? ...that sounds tough. I know you've not asked about this but I highly recommend controlled crying. It really teaches them to self soothe so you don't have to cuddle them to sleep.

I found it worked by night 3 of doing it. And I didn't follow it rigidly. Like I would speak a bit more than its recommended and give a bit more contact than it says.

How much does he sleep in the day, and how does he settle for those naps?

How is your daytime routine?

He sleeps for an hour in the day at around lunch time. With controlled crying, do you just leave them to cry or can you go in every five minutes or so? At the moment I cuddle him in my bed until he's completely asleep and then put him down. If he wakes up when I'm putting him down the whole process starts again.

Any tips on controlled crying would be really appreciated.

This happens to us. We had to drop the nap. It was hard at first and hed try to fall asleep during day and we woke him up. He was then very tired at bed and went straight to sleep. Took about a week to adjust. Goodness it was hell before then though. It will get better :)

The way I did controlled crying was that you say your goodnights (after bed time story and the whole routine) give a short cuddle and say its bed time now. Then left him for 2 minutes, I'd go back in to settle him by giving quick hug and say its bed time now, limiting eye contact. Then leave it for 4 mins go back in and give a quick rub on the back and say its bed time now, no eye contact. Then leave it for 8 minutes. Go back and say its bed time now. After that he would cry for a few more minutes and then fall asleep so I never had to leave him crying for longer than 8 minutes of him crying.

It is brutal, like I felt very stressed and mean doing it but it was definately worth it. Bedtimes are stress free now as he can put himself to sleep.

Sounds like he is overtired. My daughter also does this when she's tired.
I'd really suggest bringing a bedtime routine that doesn't involve you cuddling him to sleep. It will be hard at first but you've got to get him actually liking falling asleep in his bed. Bathtime, although exciting, is actually also a good way to tire them out and get them nice and warm before bed. I'd suggest bath, cuddle and a book with the lights dimmed then milk in bed. Once my DD was fine with this I started giving the milk before the bath so we could brush teeth too. Just persevere with the routine, eventually it will just become the norm!
Good luck!