Am I being unreasonable?

[Prettylittlesunflower]

DH and I were together for 10years before we had our daughter. I am not saying we were perfect but we were perfect to each other. Being pregnant did tested us to the limit with the constant sickness,endless health issues and our DD being born with a birth defect ( needed an operation by the time she was 6 months ). But we manage to cope or we thought so...me with an extreme set of routines and him by rebuilding a vintage car and set off for a week throu Europe ( I hated it but accepted as his way of coping) weeks before the operation. Operation was a success and we slowly tried to go back to normal life. Meanwhile I thought relationship with PIL was normal...we saw each other twice a week. Fast forward and DD first birthday arrived!! I decided we needed a day out just as a family of 3 and child friendly. Despite this we did invite PIL a couple of times to join us but in my opinion they excused themselves as it wasn’t what they had in mind ( family gathering with people that never showed interest previously to meet my DD). To my horror a week later my MIL sent a text (she hates phones!!) saying she was fuming she had missed her GD first birthday and she was thinking of cutting thighs with us!! DH was so taken back he couldn’t bring himself to talk to his mum so myself went over and apologised and promised it won’t happens again ( I know!!). Fast forward a couple of months and she Was at it again... this time DD had been sick for a few days, with me getting to the point of complete exaustion due to lack of sleep , and despite being told a couple times no she decided she wanted to take DD for a walk despite her being poorly. What hurt me the most wasn’t the fact she ignored DD being poorly or me being exhausted but the fact she managed to twist the all situation for my DH to take her side and overruled me. Which he did!!! To be honest on that moment I felt our relationship crumble... am I overrreacting when I told him if he can’t support my decisions, like I do with his, regarding DD then our relationship won’t last? ( MIL still thinks she hasn’t done anything wrong and I am being childish)

I'm so sorry about this family upset, Pretty. It does sound harsh. However there may be crossed wires.

I noticed years ago that grandparents and maybe some other, older, relatives don't quite understand what is going on with their children and grandchildren, despite having had them themselves. They forget what it was like. In your case though, I think it was very wrong of your mother in law to lose it with you. She may be sorry now though, in my experience (particularly with my mother), mums often don't admit they are ever wrong.

Your husband definitely should support you but at the same time, see both sides and try to mediate.

Your husband sounds like he was shit wag before you mil took the baby out ill. I think youre lying to yourself about his behaviour. No leaving you and the baby while he went on a Road trip isnt an acceptable cooing method.

Does he parent practically at all? Why is all the exhaustion yours when dc was ill?

i also said I would like him to be as involved as possible because once the moment is gone he won’t be able to recovered it. And he is. Sometimes I do reckon I expect too much of him due to my own experience with my dad. But DH doesn’t have a good relationship with PIL... in all the time we have been together I never saw them hug or kissed each other ( even with DD the only physical contact they had, I had to initiated it )At first, showing physical contact was a struggle but he is getting the hang of it now that DD reciprocates. What hurts the most is that MIL Does sends mixed signals all the time. She seems to think she knows best all the time ( I let baby sleep too much, I am always feeding baby, I don’t dress baby accordingly and so on...) but when I ask her to help with nappy change or even some advice she always finds a excuse to refuse.

I realised by here -

But we manage to cope or we thought so...me with an extreme set of routines and him by rebuilding a vintage car and set off for a week throu Europe

That you have a fairly large DH problem. Reading the rest of the OP confirmed that.