I just want some time to myself :(

[Spagbol88]

I feel terrible thinking this way but I feel at the end of my tether with an almost 8 month old.
She will only sleep with me next to her and despite trying to sleep train her, it doesn't seem to make a difference.
She's still feeding at night and had never slept through since birth.
I've done every single night feed since she's been born and as I'm on maternity leave have just accepted it so my partner can sleep.
I just feel so resentful that he gets time to himself, albeit most of it in work. He gets to go out and relax and really let his hair down (get drunk) when I haven't had a night out since she was born (just 1 cinema trip and 1 meal out since she was born - with a friend).
He got blind drink new years eve and spent new years day on the sofa and the week before did the exact same.
I just want a break. I don't even get evenings anymore as my daughter hasn't been settling until half 9 or even 10 some nights and that makes me feel even more of a failure.
I got upset tonight and my partner just smirked at me and said 'welcome to parenthood'....and I then told him how unsupportive that comment was. I then tried explaining how I felt and I got teary to which he replied 'you're just winding yourself up'
I'm scared that when I go back to work I'm going to be at breaking point. :(

Your partner sounds like he’s being an absolute prick! I feel outraged on your behalf!

Is baby exclusively bf? If not, your husband should be doing night feeds. How come his job is only during the daytime, and yours is 24 hours?! That’s not how maternity leave should work!

But you have to be assertive and make time for yourself. Tell your husband you’re going out for the day and leave him with the baby. Just do it. The baby will survive, and has to get used to being alone with dad anyway.

In my experience, DH was much more helpful once DS was older. Toddlers ensure a much more equal division of labour!

Oh it is so tough and winter doesn't help! If you bf it makes sense the nights fall to you but I would be quite selfish in the day if you can - feed baby and then hand over to DH and say you're going for a bath, or upstairs to watch a film on your own/out for a walk.
Does DH help out with the baby at all? Because if not he'll miss out on bonding, so when the child is ready to be all fun and playful they will only come to you and DH will miss out entirely, and it will be all his fault.

my partner just smirked at me and said 'welcome to parenthood'

This made me really cross on your behalf. How dare he belittle your perfectly reasonable attempt to talk to him about an issue that is upsetting you. He completely shut you down which is unacceptable and needs to change.

Everyone needs time to themselves, especially with an 8 month old baby (which I remember being a difficult age). Does he contribute anything to your family life other than having a ‘big job’ ?

You’re not unusual at all for wanting some time to yourself. They’re so so intense at this age and everyone needs a break and a bit of time off sometimes.

What is unusual is your partner’s attitude. He needs to start doing a lot more of the hands-on stuff when he’s not at work, including giving you a break. Put your foot down now because otherwise you’re going to go back to work after mat leave to find out you’re still doing all the parenting on top of your job.

I would one evening, get up and go out at short notice, even if it's to sit in a. McDonald's car park with an ice cream and leave him to do bed time. At 8 months they can survive without mum for a few hours. It'll teach him that no man is an island and parenting is a team game. I'd also get him to start helping in the night he can take a turn to resettle the baby.

Your not alone in wanting a breaking. It’s absolutely normal for an 8 month old to have not slept through and to need a good few feeds and even more cuddles during the night. What is not normal or acceptable is your partners attitude. My current baby is ebf so I do all the night feeds but if she poos during the night that’s DH job. DH is also responsible for the 3 year old over night, she still sometimes wakes. At the weekend he makes sure I get a chance to nap as I can’t do it during the day. He always baths them both together which gives me a 15 minutes break without either in the evening. If baby is awake later and not feeding then I will get more time.

It does get easier but only with a supportive partner. It’s time he has his welcome to parenthood.

What a dick.
You need to say you’re going out and just leave him with the baby to deal with on his own.
When he complains say ‘welcome to parenthood’. Arsehole.

Thank you. You're all totally right with what you're saying. I need to be with him.
I've done every bath time except maybe twice since she was born. He does cook for us but then he will always make that point in an argument. He enjoys cooking and finds it relaxing so for him it's not really a chore. I do all the washing up etc. Afterwards and more often than not don't get to eat my food warm anyway. I just feel really worn down with parenthood, my hair is a mess and haven't had a hair cut for months, put on weight due and just don't feel myself at all. Whereas he's currently in the gym. Urgh

Need to be firm with him