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Unexpectably pregnant at 40

1 reply

CaseyPebbles38 · 03/01/2020 12:15

Hi,

I am a 39year old woman, 40 in a couple of months. I have a 17year old daughter who will be 18 in a couple of months and have my fiancé, we have been together for almost 2 years. We live in a small 2 bedroom flat, both have full time employment, but I bring home the bigger salary. He is 8 years younger than me. We have been focusing on our relationship recently as he seems to be quite immature and we have been trying to work on that and then now have just found out I'm pregnant, about 6/7 weeks. I am so scared and just do not know what to do. I have my daughter who is about to go off to university and I thought I then begin to start a whole new chapter and travel, change jobs and focus on me. However this now has completely put a spanner in the works. I feel so guilty because I do not know if I am happy about it or not. I'm not sure its the right decision for us now especially as we are working on our relationship and I'm not sure that it will work out and I didn't want to be a single parent again as I was one with my daughter for many years. Financially we are not secure, we only rent and do not own a property and we heavily rely on my salary. I am also overweight and probably not at my best, I had already identified this and had started to make a change. I am worried about the health risks and something happening to me or the baby. My fiancé is great and he is the kindest, sweetest man I know and my daughter adores him and he so desperately wants a family but for me I'm just not sure and I feel so alone and worried about it all. Everything would change and I am not sure how I feel about it all and I feel so guilty for thinking all of this, but I am not young, I am almost 40 and I need to be realistic and sure. Advice would be really great.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
pjani · 03/01/2020 15:47

To be totally blunt, you don’t have to have the baby if it’s not the right time. Your instincts are probably right about your partner, so the chances are reasonable that you would end up a single mother again. Unless you think a child could be an impetus for change for him? Would he be willing to be primary carer if you’re the main earner?

I wonder if you could talk this through with a close non-judgemental friend or, very basic, write yourself a long list of pros and cons along with anything else that comes to mind.

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