Anger management strategies for my 8 yo?

[Dauphinois]

Looking for some help regarding my 8 yo DS and his relationship with his siblings.

He has a twin sister and 2 older brothers, and frequently lashes out at them due to a perceived or real injustice following a squabble over something.

He finds it very hard to let it go if he thinks he's been wronged and ends up a real ball of anger, shouting, crying and hitting or kicking.

He doesn't respond well to time out type punishments as he can't handle being on his own when he's feeling like that and then gets very clingy to me afterwards, and he seems to need cuddles to help calm down, otherwise this anger can carry on for hours.

He's NT and has a good network of friends at school and beyond, enjoys Cubs and plays in a footie team where his temper is never an issue, so this is specifically a sibling / home problem.

He always struggles more in the holidays as he thrives on the structure and routine of school, but much as we try and keep him busy, DH and I both work and we need some downtime at home occasionally!

But his reaction to minor slights is disproportionate and his siblings get fed up with being thumped and yelled at. They then withdraw and leave him out of games etc which makes things worse but I can't say I blame them!

Any thoughts on how to handle this better would be very welcome

Anyone?

.

What consequences are there for his violence?

Usually he gets moved away and told in no uncertain terms that he's being unacceptable. He gets told 'it's never ok to hurt someone' a lot, usually when he trots out his 'reasons' for hitting.

Sometimes both kids get told off as there's often fault on both sides.

Occasionally DH or I lose our shit and yell at him. Not our finest parenting moment but it happens.

So, none? Start by adding actual consequences to his behaviour, not just a telling off.

What is he like at school?

I agree that actual consequences are a must. Decide what they are, tell him and then stick to it.

You could also try a boxing set for him to safely, physically let off steam. My dd tends to hit when she's angry so I've got her an inflatable ball on a stand and boxing gloves. When she was really little, she used to love bashing balloons together, when I was in labour I smashed stress balls together, I see it all as the same kind of thing. Boxing has been successfully used to keep children with strong outbursts out of trouble in tough inner cities.