To stop expressing

[Poppet1710]

I know it is an individual decision but need some reassurance. My DS is 11 weeks. I initially BF but due to many issues with latch etc I ended up feeding him via a bottle. Initially fully expressed milk but as my supply has dropped he now gets a mix of formula and breast milk. The thing is the pumping is so time consuming and as my DS is becoming older and sleeping less during the day finding time to do it is much harder. I end up starting pumping but then he can wake mid session so have to stop. I then find that it is harder to do all the things I thought I would with him- play with him, read to him etc as I constantly feel like I am chasing my tail. All this is making me think that I should look at stopping or perhaps dropping to one bottle a day- I currently get 3 feeds out with 5 pumping sessions. The trouble is I feel so guilty about the thought of stopping. I already feel guilty about his birth- i won’t post all the details as it would easily identify me but I had an accident which triggered my labour early, I wasn’t ready for him as I thought I had weeks left to prepare and then I wonder if I should of kept trying to breast feed for longer. I stopped at 5 and 1/2 weeks after multiple cases of mastitis, a latch that never improved despite loads of reviews/advice, a tongue tie snip. I just feel like I’ve failed him because of how he came and then the failing to BF, am I failing to stop the pumping at 3 months as well. I knew motherhood would be tough but i just feel like a failure the whole time. Nothing like imagined the type of mum I would be.

It is absolutely fine to stop, you have done amazingly getting to 11 weeks. You are not a failure, please don’t feel guilty over this or your birth.

Absolutely fine, you did brilliantly getting to 11 weeks, you've not failed in any way.

Sorry to hear about your accident, hope you're ok.

DS2 was early and I felt like I was chasing my tail for ages but it does get easier.

I’m ok thank you. Just a few bruises on me but the bump took the full force hence the early labour.

I’m trying so hard not to feel guilty but wonder if it is selfish to stop. All around me I see breast feeding mothers and just think why couldn’t I do it? I know in reality that there are lots of FF babies out there but I just don’t see them. I don’t have any mum friends and have joined a class starting next week but in all honesty I’m dreading it as I am scared of feeling judged particularly if I go to formula full time.

I was in a similar position, and ended up stopping expressing at about 2 months for lots of reasons. I hated it, it took up about 4 hours a day all in, I was exhausted, I couldn't spend much time playing etc as you said, I felt chained to the house as going out was so tricky, and then I got an abscess. I never regretted stopping, life became easier and I could enjoy being a mother more. We went out much more after. And no one has ever made me feel bad for stopping (apart from myself at the start).

The thing is @Poppet1710 in really life people don’t give a flying fig how you feed your baby. Do you honestly think formula feeding mums are selfish? I bet you don’t!
I formula fed all 3 of my DC and nobody judged me, I would have loved to breastfeed but it just didn’t work out for us, I wasn’t enjoying that precious time with my dc and felt under a lot of pressure(from myself). I felt better once I had made the decision, took the pressure off and a few years on it isn’t something I even think about. I did what was best for myself and my dc and that was giving them formula and I have three healthy boys.

I stopped expressing at 6 weeks because I hated sitting pumping when I could be spending that time cuddling my baby or doing the things you’ve said - playing with her, reading to her. It was the best decision I could have made. It was really hard - I was in an environment surrounded by bf women, and no one I knew in real life from family or friends had ever formula fed. But I already felt a bit ostracised with my bottles and felt I had to justify that it was expressed breast milk so it wasn’t that much of a leap to just going to formula full time. I’ve got a bright, happy and thriving 2 year old now and I’m so pleased I made the decision I did when I did, because I didn’t start to enjoy being her mum until I did.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I have decided to drop an expressing session every couple of days to prevent yet another case of mastitis. I think that combined with the milk I have frozen will see us to the 3 month mark. I’m going to slowly increase the amount of formula over the same period as he does get windy and I want his tummy to have time to adjust. The logical part of me knows that it is the right thing to do now- he is becoming so much more interactive that squeezing in pumping is becoming harder, plus I am spending nearly 3 hours a day attached to the blooming thing and getting less out each time. It was ok when he was sleeping loads but he is quite active during the day and he likes to take his afternoon nap in the sling or on me which I love. I can’t do that while pumping so I am missing out on things with him just to pump. It is just my heart is hurting as I know that once I stop that’s it I can’t go back. Unlike when we went to bottles I always thought there was a way back if i wanted. On a side note I tried again to feed directly today- same old issues so definitely not an option. I just need to keep reminding myself that there is so much more to being a mum than feeding- and there are only so many hours in the day. All the breast milk in the world won’t help if I don’t spend the time doing other things for his development/ get some sleep myself so I can function. It’s funny when I think of all the talked about benefits of BF- I was FF from 6 weeks and have no allergies, am healthy, great relationship with my mum as a child and adult (let’s just forget about the teenage years) and did well at school and uni so my mum clearly did something right with me when she switched for similar issues. Thank you again- now just the courage to follow through on my words.

You’ve done incredibly well to get to this point, and how amazing to have a bit of a freezer stash too.
It’s appalling how much guilt and pressure we feel to bf. I pumped constantly in vain hopes of increasing my supply - never got it to work and all I did was eat into precious time with DS1. I found it totally thankless and didn’t understand why I was putting myself through it. I was more relaxed with DS2 and combi fed to give top ups. Now aged 3 and 5, combi fed DS2 seems to be much healthier than bf DS1 who had multiple ear infections and colds etc so although I have read the research, I can’t believe the difference between bf and ff (particularly ff after 3 whole months of exclusive bf) would be so marked? Surely what will make a greater difference to your child’s wellbeing - and your own, just as important! - is to have your undivided attention and enjoy all those activities you want to do with him.

Ditch the pump. Celebrate your achievement. And then go on and enjoy your time with your child.

Just read this post & had to post a reply - I pumped exclusively too for 3 months as had latch problems & 2 episodes of mastitis. Introducing formula was so emotionally hard for me & At the time I felt like you, really guilty & like a failure. I carried on expressing to 7 months so I could build a freezer stash & combo feed to a year.

My baby is now 8 months, nearly fully established on solids & hardly drinking any milk now. So I have a freezer stash that I don’t really need! Totally wished I’d cut expressing sooner as solids is a new phase altogether!
I feel there is so much pressure at the start to establish breastfeeding which I think is so unnecessary. The priority should be on ensuring mothers are happy & feeding their babies in the most comfortable way.
So please don’t feel bad at all - you have done amazing & in a few months time you will have moved on to the next phase.

Thank you all. I’m sat here now with my gorgeous little guy asleep in his sling on me. I’m in tears as I know I have to stop pumping really. I would be due to pump in the next hour which would mean getting him out, trying the settle him elsewhere and then pumping for nearly 30 minutes to get a partial feed. It was ok over the holidays as I had my husband or family who could settle him but I’m on my own again now. It just feels cruel and unfair to unsettle him just so I can give him breast milk rather than formula 3 times a day. He gets formula 3 times a day now and he is equally happy after each feed. He really doesn’t know the difference as it is all milk to him. I just wonder sometimes if I didn’t try hard enough- my family keep telling me I did and I did have lots of support. Does this feeling getting better?

Yes it does! I really feel you as I remember the horrible feeling of trying to pump when my partner went back to work - it was near impossible with a baby who never seemed to want to be out of my arms!
Every-time I dropped a pump when I was weaning off, my hormones went crazy & I was a crying wreck for a few days. I have not been pumping for over a month now & I could not be happier.
I introduced formula to my little girl gradually at 3 months - I felt horrendously guilty doing it but I don’t think she could tell the difference! She was still her happy self & I wished I introduced it earlier.
I promise you you will feel much better - just remember your hormones will make you feel a bit down when you cut back so don’t be scared to speak to a doctor.

Yes, as PP said you will feel better about the decision as time goes on. It took me a while to feel completely over it, but now a year later I think back and it was such a no brainer for me, and in a way I can no longer understand why it made me feel so awful at the time!

This will get easier. You will feel better. I’m 2 years down the line and it feels like such an inconsequential decision in the context of raising a child. I hate that I beat myself up about it for so long. Enjoy all those snuggles, that’s bonding and a better way to make your baby feel loved.

Agree with @MamaFlintstone - I stressed so much about expressing for my DD and pretty much from when she was 1 year old, I looked back and couldn't believe how much I had let it affect my mental health. Giving some breast milk is better than none but I also felt that all of the faffing when you have to pump and not hold your baby who wants you was silly really- millions of people have been raised on formula and are absolutely fine.

Poor you :( every baby and birth and story is SO different. I really don't expect my next one to be the same. You've done marvellously!

Be proud of what you've achieved for you both and do what is best for you both - you will know what is right.

Hi all. After a rough morning doubting myself I dropped another expressing session today. I was on my own with the little guy and I just couldn’t put him down as all he wanted was mummy cuddles. And you know what-those mummy cuddles felt so much more wonderful than sitting with my pump. I’m sure the doubts and guilt are going to come and go over the next few weeks but hearing others who have been there has really helped. You are a fab bunch. I would be lucky to meet some women as supportive as you guys. Thank you.