I'm at my wits end

[BINGOatthecasino]

My son was 3 in early August. I cannot for the life of me get him to use the potty/toilet.

Nursery don't enforce it and keep saying they won't push him to do it if he's not ready.

His dad doesn't bother and always has him in nappies so the time I'm spending goes backwards because no one else is enforcing it.

He knows when he needs to go to the toilet. He was starting to use the toilet. He'd have accidents occasionally in pants. I'd have him wear them during the day when we are at home in case he had accidents when we were out. We even had a few nights where he slept in pants and was fine.

Then it stopped. He keeps screaming at me for a nappy. He keeps purposely pooing in his pants, and I know it's on purpose because I catch him hiding and squatting. So I go to put him on the toilet and all hell breaks loose.

I've taken his pants off for the last few hours and my god... he just shits on my carpet.

I'm not sure how much more I can take of this, I tried doing it gradually. He's starting school in September and everyone keeps saying "oh there's time don't worry"

I'm running out of time and it's looking like I'll have to apply to hold him back a school year, just because he won't use the toilet or a potty.

Someone fucking help me 🙃

He is pooing in his pants because he is too scared of the potty.

Try reading the problem solving section of oh crap it’s time to potty train book.

Why are you sometimes putting him in nappies, you are confusing him to. What is going on with nursery? Are you sending nappies in or are they using their own.

@Selfsettling3 why is he all of a sudden scared of it though? We had a good week where he would use the toilet with a small seat on and he was fine. Then all of a sudden he refuses.

When he was doing well, I sent him in with loads of pairs of pants and spare clothes in case of an accident. He had one accident and the nursery put him in their own nappies. They'd asked him if he wanted to use the toilet, he said no and that was it.

You need to make an appointment to speak to the nursery manager.

He is scared because it’s different to the norm. Is he constipated at all? A good diet is important. When he needs a poo get him to sit on the potty with this feet raised and get him to blow bubbles.

Nappies away in the bin, wave them off as the bin lorry comes, potty in room at home and be as calm as you can.

They all regress at some point with potty training.

It only takes one kid at nursery to be having issues and they catch on.

Take him to buy pants, shopping centre - with toilets, go as soon as you arrive and before you leave. (make sure he goes before you go and praise him as much as you can after it’s done)

As long as you have nappies your dh will likely use them I’m afraid, mine would!

I’d be fuming at the nursery!!! How dare they hold him back due to their own laziness! Can you meet with the manager? Or consider moving him?
I also recommend the oh crap method- trying it now myself!

I’d also be furious at nursery, it’s part of their job to toilet train when you want too. Not when it suits them. They are being incredibly lazy & quite a red flag of duty of care in my opinion.

We potty trained at 23 months & our nursery supported us despite her being the only one in her room to start. She was dry within 10 days at home but it did take a bit longer at nursery & they never once complained or put her back in a nappy etc. It turned out nurseries over prompting was our issue. Once we all agreed to try trusting her to tell them rather than taken every 30 minutes, the accidents stopped!

We used Oh Crap Potty Training, can’t recommend it enough. Potty training is HARD work but they key is to battle through & be consistent. Don’t give in because it’s stressful. Block a few days off work that lead into the weekend & stay at home while you train. Do not send him to nursery. If your partner isn’t supportive, don’t have him involved. Although personally I think you need to sit down & get on the same page to support your son. And speak to the nursery manager to express your concerns.

It will click one day but it’s going to take some perseverance!

Thank you, I'll deffo speak to the nursery. That's a massive issue as he goes three days a week. I'm split from his dad and he's very lazy. I've since found out he gets his girlfriend to take over when he "can't cope". Anything I say to him falls on deaf ears.

The last 2 days were allocated to no nappies, the intention was to get rid permanently but it went so bad. All he did was cry and scream because he was refusing to go to the toilet and pooing everywhere else 😔

Thank you for your suggestions, I'll take them on board