Possibly a stupid question about pacifiers

[JonnyPocketRocket]

DS is 6 weeks old and we've just got him a pacifier. Initially I didn't want him to have one but a) ILs keep sticking their fingers in his mouth when he's upset and I feel like a pacifier is more hygienic, b) I read that they reduce the SIDS risk, and c) he's so unsettled at night that I sleep for about 3 hours a day and I honestly feel like I'm about to have a mental breakdown.

So now he's in a light sleep in his moses basket, sucking on the pacifier. But are we supposed to leave the pacifier in all night? (Presumably not; he needs to wake and show feeding cues, right?) Or do I wait til he's in a deep sleep and then take it out? Or will he just spit it out when he's ready?

Also, has anyone used a pacifier intermittently without the baby becoming reliant on it to fall asleep every night? Or is that not even a problem??

First baby, if you couldn't tell - I'm utterly clueless and probably way overthinking!

No. You don't need one. But tell the relatives to stop putting their fingers in your baby's mouth!

If you do what I did, you give it to them every night (and day) and then start worrying about it a couple of years later!

I don't think it's bad advice to be honest!

I wouldn’t worry about needing or not needing. If he’s happy with one and you’re happy with one then use it. Personally I can’t stand thumb sucking so both of mine had one.

When mine fell asleep I always took it straight out. I didn’t notice it interfering with asking for milk. They just settled quickly with it in and I never once had a screaming baby in the car.

Both of mine gave up their dummy at 3 with no fuss.

My colicky first child found a dummy conforming. It never stayed in all night as he’d move his head and it’d fall ... not a problem until about 4mths, when he’d cry for it, so I took it away. Not really a problem for us.

I don’t think relying on a dummy to sleep is any different than a certain teddy. They won’t be sucking one at 18. Cross that bridge when you come to it and do what suits you best right now.

He will spit it out and cry when he is hungry.

Ours is 7 weeks old and we've been using one for about 4 weeks now - started because nappy changing was a traumatic experience & I recalled that in the hospital they told us to let him suck our finger when they did his blood tests.

We sometimes put him down to sleep with one but it usually gets spit out at some point. Doesn't stop him wanting feeds and telling us, in fact, when he's hungry he spits it out presumably because sucking isn't producing the milk!

I never wanted him to have one (through some naive impression that they were bad and he’d still have it when he was 5 or something) but when he was in special care at birth the nurses gave him one once he was off the ventilator. The paediatrician said it would help him settle, new research says it helps reduce the SIDS risk, and is better than thumb sucking and people shoving their fingers in his mouth, and him crying hysterically.
Anyway he’s had it since. He just gets it for naps and bedtime, and when he spits it out he doesn’t bother with it again (although I think that is quite lucky!) I’ll worry about getting rid of it when he’s a bit older.

My dc had them. For two reasons...

1. We figured you can remove a dummy, but not a thumb and I know far too many adults older children who still sick their thumbs.

1. My friends husband was a specialist dentist, and he told me a dummy did less damage to the developing jaw than a thumb could. His dc had dummies because he had never had to break a child's jaw to correct the damage from dummy sucking, but he couldn't say the same of thumb sucking! I was very happy with the dummy after hearing that.

But we were very strict that the dummy was for going to sleep only. So if my DC wanted it when they were older, I just used to say "oh are you tired, do you want to go to bed?" And they would either have a nap or take it out quickly! My dc never had a dummy in the daytime, so it never affected speech etc...

Also, giving up was a doddle, just find something they want more than the dummy. With one of mine, she wanted to start dancing like her big sister. So I just used to say, sorry, she couldn't dance because only big girls having dancing lessons. She she was a baby because she still had the dummy, when she got rid of her dummy, she could start dancing lessons. One day, she just handed over her dummy, I gave her a pair of ballet shoes and she never looked back. She went on to dance for another 10 years!

Ah, quite varied experiences! Thanks, all
He must have spit his out at some point, as I fell asleep soon after posting my OP and have just been woken by him snuffling about for milk - over 2 hours later! Given that the last few nights he hasn't slept for more than 20-30 minutes at a time, that's pretty impressive - the pacifier is a keeper!
I'll keep it for nights only, and figure out how to get rid of it when we get to that point.
Thanks for giving me some perspective!

@marjoretta that matches my anecdotal experience - I had a dummy as a child and no dental issues; friend sucked her thumb (which was always manky and wrinkled, ew) and ended up needing braces!