Help! New mum, feel like I'm struggling...

[Fivebyfive2]

Hi all, just need a bit of a hand hold if I can??

Had my baby boy 17 days ago, he was 4 weeks early via c section due to his position. He's doing well, was back to his birth weight when health visitor came the other day. I'm mostly breastfeeding and dh gives him formula once or twice a day to give me a bit of a break. He mostly feeds well but gets very fussy in the evenings, keeps wanting to feed but taking himself off and then struggling to go back on. He's actually been like this all of today, which is odd. I'm seeing the midwife tomorrow anyway so will ask about it...

Anyway, I'm just feeling quite overwhelmed some of the time. I get tearful, then beat myself up, feeling like I'm being a bit pathetic. My baby is healthy, dh is very supportive (I'm worried about when he goes back to work next week!) and I have family nearby... I feel like I have no right to feel like this and that just upsets me more.

Is this just lingering 'baby blues' or something else? Most of the time I'm OK, but now and then it's like a wave and I just feel like I can't do this, like I'm not doing good enough.

Not even sure why I'm posting /what I'm asking, I guess I'm just hoping to be told this is normal and I'll feel better /will be doing better soon!!

Sorry for the long ramble xxx

You have every right to feel like that. Your body has gone though major surgery, your hormones will still be up and down and having a baby is tough let alone a premature one! You have done amazingly to get your little one back to birth weight! If there were no previous issues latching it sounds like your baby is boosting your milk supply. I got very upset the first time it happened for me as no one ever seems to tell you it's going to happen. Every few weeks my lo latches on, pulls off grunts and punches, cries and when the milk flows drinks like his starving! It doesn't last long I promise! I would talk to your midwife or health visitor about any concerns you have as they are there to help. Joining a breastfeeding or baby group might help as well. I found talking to other mums helped me as I realised everyone goes through these feelings. I didn't feel good enough for my baby last night due to being poorly and I'm 3 months in! It's perfectly natural to feel overwhelmed just keep being open and honest with your partner. I found it a little easier when dh went back to work as I didn't rely on him as much which boosted my confidence

@ToTravelIsToLive, thank you!! I do plan to join our local breastfeeding group and go to some baby groups too. Hopefully I'll be like you when dh goes to work! I can manage little one on my own, but I see what you mean about getting more confident when you have to. I hope you feel better soon xxx

Just don't set yourself too many expectations or join too much at once as even going to a breast feeding group was a terrifying thought at first. Baby swimming is great if you can do that as it doesn't go on for long but gets you out the house

The hormones and sleep deprivation are the worst!!!!! You'll then switch from random burst of tears to tears of pride to pity tears to tired tears. Hormones will take a long while to leave your system.

Think the worst part of being post partum is lack of time and space to decompress and talk about what you went through. Labour for me was an amazing and terrifyingly painful experience and I couldn't really talk about it to anyone properly. Are you in pain? You've talked a lot about your lovely baby and DH. What about you? How are you actually feeling?

Lots of rest and take whatever support you can get!

@Ohnoherewego62, hi, I'm recovering well from the c section thankfully. I think my biggest dilemma is coming from feeling unsure about feeding... I'm mostly bf at the moment, with 1 or 2 bottles of formula in between to give me a break /top him up.

Everyone keeps saying how well I'm doing with it, because he is gaining weight well and latches on OK, mostly. But I'm so exhausted by it!! Especially in the evenings when my supply isn't as good so he will constantly come on and off, getting agitated. I feel a bit of pressure about being the only one who can feed him, worried about taking him out as I'm a bit shy and dread the thought of people saying something if I feed him in public etc. He also sleeps for a little longer after a bottle, meaning I get a better rest!

It's just that all the reasons to go to more formula are to help me feel better, so then I worry I'm being selfish by thinking of quitting ☹️

I had my first baby on the 18th September and felt exactly how you are feeling. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done and still is! I cried multiple times a day for the first 2 weeks and the most days for a few weeks after. I felt like I had ruined my life! Now I can remember life before my little boy but can’t imagine life without him.
I have been EBF from the start but it was a real challenge, my little boy wouldn’t latch without shields for the first 8 weeks and I ended up in hospital with mastitis when he was 3 weeks old. I wanted to quit every single day, but kept saying just do one more day and see how you feel tomorrow. Here I am 15 weeks later actually enjoying it! Stick with it if you can, tell yourself to get through the first 6 weeks as it really does ease up then. However you really feel like it’s too much then don’t stress about going on to formula full time. Your mental health is more important then anything else. Get out and about and feed him to get your confidence up, start with a coffee shop or somewhere you know you can have some privacy. I am such a private person with my body but have had no dramas feeding out in public.
You sound like you are doing amazing, talk to friends with babies and get help from family if you can. Talking and being honest about how I felt really helped me get through the first few weeks.

When I had my DD evenings were terrible. I’d be watching the clock dreading it getting to evening time.

I didn’t believe everyone when they said it would get better or when people said it gets better around X amount of weeks it seemed so far away. But gradually, almost without you noticing it does get better.

My DD had a bottle every evening and we BF for 6 months. So if it makes you feel better rested and less unde pressure then carry on. I found the evening bottle gave me a break to look forward to and a chance to get myself ready for bed, set everything up for nighttime etc.

It's okay to feel how you feel. It's all brand new, the responsibility and being a new mum is overwhelming AF. As long as you get help and support you'll be fine ...it takes a while to settle cuz your life has changed and you need to adapt your life to a new human being. They are only babies for such a short while so enjoy that time...

I had serious baby blues and didnt enjoy ONE BIT of having a baby or being a new mum. You're not alone so many new mums feel like this. Hang in there it will get better as my HV said.

The evening on off breast and crying is completely normal. He is stimulating more milk. You have to let him do it to maintain supply. It's really hard, I got so emotional when my little one (now 9m and only ever breastfed) went through it. It will ease I promise. Try not to increase formula of you want to continue to breastfeed, baby needs to feed like this to keep your supply up. A wonderful friend said to me "just because it's normal, doesn't mean its easy" it made such a difference to my mindset. You're doing so well xx