12 years (13 in 5 month) always holed up in her bedroom.

[Italianmoma1983]

It has never been easy for her in term of friendships but finally in year 8 we thought she cracked it ! However lately things haven’t been great with her friends, they are not free when they say they are going to be free, they are not answering her texts...also I have a feeling she comes across as perhaps needy, her sense of humour can be a bit much from another 12 years old point of view. So I get it. So she is not seeing her friends during the holidays and I want to do things with her...I offered to go shopping, watch a movie together, go to the cinema and food, Ikea(she usually loves it)...ask what she loves to do..so far we only did a bit of online shopping. She wants to do nothing, she says no to everything. I have cut off her internet so hoping she will get out of her bedroom. I can’t go out and leaving her behind. She is not living her life. I’m worried. Any other 12 years old like that ? Any tips ?

Also I’m just hearing her having an argument with her dad : it’s the holiday you retard, give me my internet back

My 15 year old has only been out of his room at mealtimes & if he goes out for most of the holidays, we are staying at my mums & ds has his own room with TV & Xbox as he frequently stays with my mum. He works hard at school, is helpful, he goes shopping if my mum needs anything & helps her around the house, I refuse to moan at him, it's his holidays & it's his choice, he will be back at school next week & has core subject mock GCSE exams in February, he has extra revision classes at school, private tuition for maths. His proper exams will be in May & June, other than a week's geography trip to Italy at February Half term he will be revising a lot of the time, it will have done him good to relax.

If she’s being isolated by her school friends then I’m not sure punishing her by cutting off her internet is the fairest or best way to make her life any easier.

Have you asked her how she feels about not seeing her friends, or what it is she is doing up in her room?

You are decreasing the amount of internet access she has, or completely cutting it off?

My teens are in their rooms. They come out when hungry. They are happy though. We do discuss this regularly. If they were feeling isolated I'd be much more concerned.

I have teens, they are always in their rooms, except for meal times, when they appear just to eat, then back upstairs. It’s totally normal for teens.

We talked about it and her feelings but I’m trying to cheer her up and she wants to do nothing - I cut her internet because she is too much on it but will give her back at some point as soon as she apologised for calling her dad a retard ! I just worry about her, she had such an hard time in primary school. She was depressed because she had no friends and I want the best for her but she is not helping herself

Keep talking to her, I bet there’s stuff going on on her phone you don’t know about eg Instagram drama, snapchat bitching. I would take her out anyway, say come on, it’s a surprise and take her to do stuff. Letting her isolate herself won’t be helping. And tell her she can tell you anything without judgement, she might talk to you. But even if she doesn't its worth doing.

And stop punishing her. It’s not ideal but coming down hard on that won’t help.