4 year old attacks me

[Scousebird26]

Hi,
I was wondering if anyone could help me as I am feeling really desperate.
I have a four year old little boy, who usually is an ok behaved little boy. He is doing great at nursery, and is well mannered and caring. I’m not saying he’s a perfect child coz he’s far from it, but these past few weeks it’s like he’s a completely different little boy.
He’s keep attacking me, my hands and arms are all marked and scratched, he pulls my hair, bites me. You name it he does it. He screams in my face, has stopped listening to everything I tell him and has even broke his toys. Usually this is just aimed at me. My mum had him a few hours this morning and he was perfect, soon as I get him he turned into demon child.
I’ve tried the naughty step, taking toys away, ignoring him. Everything. And it’s getting to the point where I’m scared of him. And like I say all this has just happened this past month - he had been ill with a chest infection and I put it down to that but this side of him hasn’t left him.
Any help would be massively appreciated. Thankyou x

remember you are in charge and if you dont put your foot down now it will get worst.If he hurts you have the right to protect yourself and lock him in a room till he calms down.Make sure room has nothing dangerous in it and monitor him. Dont put up with it you are in charge your not his friend your his mother and thus will do anything in his best interests.

Not only that but remember your not alone there have been many a mother before you with the same problem you made the right choice asking for help.There is help out there you just need to find it.

Ask your nursery for advice say its been difficult for you at home whats he like at school how do you manage his behaviour .Also have you tried praise reward for good behavior.Like putting pasta in a jar every time he is good and when its full he gets a prize.

Thankyou for replying!
I’m going to start putting him in a room out of the way. And he’s a “perfect pupil” at nursery, it’s literally when I pick him he turns into the devil child. I’m just finding it so difficult to take back control. But you are right, I am the parent. Thankyou x

That sounds really difficult for you. Sounds like he's going through something and you are his safe place to lash out and express his difficult feelings. Can you think of anything that could have happened ? Does he spend time with anyone else other than you and nursery? Wondering if something has upset him. You must of course protect yourself from harm but don't get caught up to much on the whole taking control back thing, try if you can to offer hugs and love in the face of his outbursts. ( I know that's not always possible!) good luck

i also agree with swan but you need to balance both being firm and being kind.As parents we have a tough time determining that line but if we manage to keep to the rules we set in place whilst also keeping them close were we can listen to their needs and feelings you can do whats in their best interests.

understand that you are in charge but also be aware of why

questions important questions to ask yourself

is there something else i can do
is there someone i can ask
why is he acting this way
is it stress
is a person the reason
is it simply hes testing your barriers
or is it something more

at 4 you can start asking him questions make sure locking him in a room the last resort.

can you ask him why,can you ask him how hes feeling,can you ask him what makes him happy sad,can you tell him things like if someone hit you how would you feel.I can tell you what it feels like because you hit me it makes me feel sad why would you want to make me feel sad.

Try to teach him to talk to you to,thats theres nothing scary about expressing yourself to you .If he does something wrong but admits it to you encourage him to speak.Teach him that if he tell you you will be less upset if he tells you the truth

its taken me years to get my daughter to vocalise what shes feels as she has speech delay .Keep it simple and be patient you will get there

As someone said previously you are his safe space. Whatever is going on he's taking it out on you because you are his person and he's too young to use words. If you remove him/put him in another room you are taking away his safety and perpetuating and adding to whatever is stressing him.

As hard as it is, you need to keep him feeling safe and connected to you. Have you need spending less time with him (did he start school)? Can you spend more quality time together where you are doing nothing but being with him and focused on him?

Obviously if he is hurting you or it is unsafe, you can remove him but explain it's for your own safety and you will hug him when he calms down etc.

Good luck!

The pressure of being so so perfect outside of his safe space is clearly overwhelming him. When he comes out of that environment he's letting go.

What's happening before his meltdowns? Is he playing alone? Are you asking him to do things? What's the precursor?