Help! Discipline 2 year old

[jmscp]

DD2 is so strong willed and I really need some help with how to discipline her before she turns into the toddler from hell.

I love her so much, she's so clever and beautiful. But her behaviour sometimes in border-lining on vile.

I've told her for 10 minutes to stop tipping her drink of milk into a play cup because she's spilling it everywhere and as we all know dried old milk stinks. She doesn't listen, she goes off to hide to do it, then comes back and does it directly in front of me as well and laughs while doing it. I threaten to take it off her - laughs - actually take it off her - screams. She keeps going for it by using things to climb up on and laughing etc etc.

Tell her she'll sit on the step if she carries on - she carries on - sit her on the step, she cries for 10 seconds then it becomes a game of on and off the step whilst she shouts for me and laughs when I put her back.

I have to give up eventually cos it so clearly doesn't work with her - and I can feel the rage bubbling up inside me.

After all these sorts of incidents she wants cuddles and it makes me want to cry for her and me - why can't I do this? Why am I such a sh*te mum I cannot figure out how to actively discipline my child in the right way so we're both happier.

I'm at the end of my tether with it all so please don't judge. How do you discipline such a strong willed child?

in your specific example I'd have asked her not to, then if she did it again told her I'd take it off her, and done so. sympathise with her, verbalising that she's angry with mummy taking her milk away, give her hugs if she wants them but don't back down. she'll get over it.

overall, I'd remove whatever or remove her from the situation. but be loving and sympathetic throughout. stay with her.

What D11Y said. Basically I think you are expecting a little too much of her impulse control here. It seems as if your main approach is to tell her what to do and then wait until she disobeys. I would try not to eliminate those situations altogether (she needs to have some scope to experience disobedience) but certainly to cut down on the frequency. It is perfectly possible to say briskly "give mummy the milk" and take it from her in the same instance, before she has the chance to defy you, or "let's put your coat on" and quickly shove her arms in. Bonus if you can then manage to change the subject before she realises she's been had.
Think situations through beforehand. If you don't want her to walk away with the milk, only give her the milk when she is in her high chair.

@Di11y thank you so much for replying. You're right just seeing it written down makes me realise I need to stop giving her chances.
Will try your approach tomorrow with whatever she throws at me. The sympathy I love, I never want to hurt her feelings - hense why I give her too many chances. Makes sense to be there for her but not allow her to do things I've asked her not to.
Thank you again.

@corythatwas thank you. She's PFB so it's all so new to me, I need to certainly up my game!
The explanation you've given is totally right, waking up tomorrow with her with a new mindset!

I think I know your pain

My 2 year old kept leaping on me earlier and deliberately yanking me by the hair whilst laughing in my face

I have no suggestions with how to deal with it as my parenting has been sub par today

@Wowzel toddlers are the worst aren't they. Tiny and cute and occasionally very mean

Once you take the thing off them, attempt to distract them with something else. Not something that could be perceived as a reward though.
It isn’t easy I fail frequently, if everything is going wrong I stick him in the buggy and out for a walk, gives us both a bit of a break.

Have you read 'how to talk so little kids will listen and listen so little kids will talk'? If not, I recommend hugely.

Also have a 2yo who likes to test boundaries and scream if they don't get their way. We have gone with the 'no punishments, but natural consequences' approach to everything. So we don't have a naughty step or time out etc. But if they pour a drink on purpose we tell them milk is for drinking not spilling (trying to use positive language rather than negative language about what not to do) and if they do it again it gets taken away, however much they scream. 'I won't let you ruin the carpet by pouring milk everywhere, it's for drinking.'

It's tough. Everyday there's something new! Keep going, you're doing great!!

I think your expectations are a bit high. I've got a two year old (and a four year old so I have been here before) and even the brightest ones have a limit to what they can really process in terms of the idea of consequences.

My two year old is, erm, 'spirited' to say the least but other than taking the milk away if he's messing with it, or the toys away if he's doing something naughty with them, there isn't much else I can do to punish him. Two year olds don't really get the idea of the naughty step, so it's a bit pointless other than to remove them from a situation. It's not like they will sit there reflecting on their behaviour, they just think it's a game. Ditto shouting - they generally just think you're doing a funny voice or something.

Be firm with boundaries and explain (and model) the right way to behave, but be kind. Try to understand that toddlers aren't generally motivated by trying to annoy or manipulate you, they just do what they feel like doing at the time and have no self control or understanding of the subtleties of acceptable behaviour. For instance, it's ok for my DH to throw me the car keys when I ask him for them, but it's not ok for DS to throw a toy at his brother. They can't see any difference,

It gets better though, my four year old is pretty lovely and certainly understands what is expected of him in terms of behaviour and manners. He also responds well to appropriate consequences for 'bad' behaviour.