For some background our immediate next door neighbours are same family set up as us: single mums with 3 children. We got on great when I moved in a couple of years ago and our children have played together often (eldest two are now both 10).
In the summer things started getting a bit much. I was heavily pregnant and the eldest girl next door was constantly knocking for my dd to come out and play on their bikes. Before this they would just bump into each other outside and play, there wasn’t any door knocking before this. (We live across from a big field). If we were busy or going out she wouldn’t go and play but if we were home and she wanted to go out she would.
The knocking has become daily since then and she doesn’t take no for an answer. She will say along the lines of ‘ tell your mum I said I’m going out in one hour so you have to come out right now’ and ‘why doesn’t your mum let you play anymore my mum said you have to come out’ if dd decides she doesn’t feel like it/wants to stay indoors etc. She will then knock again 10 minutes later despite my insistence we are busy/weather is bad etc etc and tell her mum I’m not letting her play.
This is upsetting my dd as she feels like she has to go out even if she doesn’t want to or feels she needs to explain herself and if she does go out the girl is overpowering and demanding then tells her to ignore me if I say it’s time to come in for dinner/going out etc. She would rather play with the other neighbouring children but can’t without this girl there, as soon as she sees them she comes out. Dd doesn’t want to play with her anymore as it makes her uncomfortable but as they are next door it is difficult to avoid them/pretend we’re not home/make excuses. I haven’t spoken to the mum for a couple of months as I’ve had a baby and been very busy, but a mum of one of the other children today told me the mum said I never let my dd play outside and I’m stopping her from growing up because I don’t want her to have freedom. (She knows it isn’t true as my dd and her ds play after school) This isn’t true and I have no idea why she has started this rumour. I’d never allow my dd to bother neighbours several times a day and beg children to play outside when they have plans but she seems to think it’s ok. Short of a falling out which I’d rather not do, I’m not sure what to do next. If I speak to the mum and ask for the knocking to stop or similar it will make me seem rude or hostile and I just don’t have it in me to deal with pettiness right now. I just want the knocking to stop, for the girl to leave my dd alone and for the rumours to stop.
Any idea what I should do as ignoring it hasn’t seemed to work?