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Parenting

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Original poster

Does being a SAHM mean I completely have to change who I am?

19 replies

amIgoodenough · 26/08/2007 09:20

I only have one child so I don't have any right what so ever to complain at all but it's just that I find it so very very hard. I am not a run around kind of person, I am not a person able to cope with endless questions and chatter, I am not good at any of the things that would stimulate, educate, entertain and generally benefit my son. I feel he is missing out on so much by having me as a mum and I find myself constantly making excuses "I'll watch you from here,ds, I don't feel like running any more" "How about I give you some water to play wiht outside while I do..." I do try to play with him but I am just no good at it at all and he is so demanding, constant tantrums, screaming, everything is a battle. I am good at being really patient with him and loving him but everything else I am just dreadful at. It is such a shame as there are wonderful people out there who can't have children and he got stuck with me. I do try to go lots of places with him like the park and library, feeding ducks, playgroup etc but when it is just home I feel I let the side down badly.

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peanutbear · 26/08/2007 09:23

you sound great to me you dont have to play all the time

I hve 3 hildren and I dont run around all the time i let them play with water on there own and ply by them selves all different ages so dont really entertain each other

How old is he if he is between 3 and starting school a lot of childen become like this

belgo · 26/08/2007 09:24

amIgoodenough- yes you are certainly good enough. You take him out to interesting places,you are patient and loving with him.

he did not get 'stuck with you' - he is lucky to have a mother so concerned about how she is doing as a mother.

Original poster

amIgoodenough · 26/08/2007 09:26

pb yes he is 3

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cookiesandcream · 26/08/2007 09:27

The fact you even think like this shows your great! Don't worry parents aren't supposed to be children themselves - take him to the local play barn or other toddler groups and let him either entertain himself or be entertained by others and you do the stuff your good at and comfortable with!

belgo · 26/08/2007 09:27

you don't have to constantly play with children to be a good parent- sometimes it's best to leave them to get on with it themselves -they learn to occupy themselves and use their own imagination.

Try and involve him in things that you do - for example I have a toy hoover that my kids use when I am hoovering.

If I make a cake, I give them a bowl of flour to play with - they love that! I get them to help clean up afterwards!

If I peel potatoes, I give them water and the potatoes to play with.

BridgetJonesKnickers · 26/08/2007 09:29

YOu sound just like me. Mine are now 4 and 6 and are brilliant at amusing themselves, playing imaginitive games etc. I reckon its cos I was so crap in the house wuth them. They haven't got two heads and get invited to peoples houses loads as they are so easy to have around (ie they just go off and play without mithering the mums). Stop beating yourself up about it.

Original poster

amIgoodenough · 26/08/2007 09:33

he does love to cook and we do that almost every day, he does like to hang washing too so I can get that done while he is around the rest of the housework I leave until night as he is less than co operative, he hates the hoover with a passion and he just nags and screams if I try to do anything else and most certainly does not want to join in!! Anyway other kids just seem to be happier and he is just still so young for his age and needs so much more than I have in the mummy well.

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Original poster

amIgoodenough · 26/08/2007 09:35

BJK if he went off happily on his own it wouldn't be so bad but he doesn't which makes me think that maybe I am not giving him what he needs, the skills, the ideas, the initiative etc to play on his own

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Nightynight · 26/08/2007 09:52

have another one so that they can play together.

seriously, some CHILDREN are just better at being only children than others. my dd1 is a people person, she never does stuff on her own if she can help it. She was practically going loopy as the only child, until ds1 came along.

peanutbear · 26/08/2007 09:56

no your doing fine I think most 3 yr olds go through this he has the independance as in his body will do what he wants it to but not the intelligence to yet think about what he wants to do with it, so they need constant input into their day

He will grow out of it, how about making cakes together or him dusting you hoovering I know it takes much longer but it stops some moaning

Original poster

amIgoodenough · 26/08/2007 10:28

thanks for this I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment so thanks for giving me a torch

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belgo · 26/08/2007 13:22

amigoodenough - I've just reread the title of this thread and a thought occured to me - do you want to stay a SAHM? You're doing just fine, but if you don't enjoy it, you can always go back to work part or full time.

WideWebWitch · 26/08/2007 13:26

Could you go back to work? Plenty of people do and prefer it to beign a sahm, you don't have to be one!

And lots of us find v v small children tedious, it doesn;t make you a bad mother!

Psychobabble · 26/08/2007 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beansprout · 26/08/2007 13:44

You sound exactly like me!!

Fortunately, dh works in play and keeps reminding me of the importance of ds playing and exploring by himself. They don't need you to play with them all the time, but they do want to join in, so would second all the stuff about including them.

Original poster

amIgoodenough · 26/08/2007 21:39

Thanks for all these messages. Regarding being a SAHM I really do want to be a SAHM and my income wouldn't be enough to cover child care costs anyway but I just wonder if I am being selfish as I really want to do this but am just not good at it. He goes twice a week to playgroup but I go with him and I sometimes do think well at least he gets heaps of opportunities there to interact with others, and do some of the things like running around games that I am so bad at at home but is it enough he certainly doesn't think so.

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KTNoo · 26/08/2007 23:17

Sounds to me like you're doing fine. My eldest has always been very demanding - I think with some children however much attention you give them they still want more. It wasn't until I had 2 more that I realised not all children are like this - my dc2 and dc3 are pretty good at entertaining themselves. I'm sure it will get easier for you when he's a bit older. We often have friends over and my dd1 plays quite happily with them (with the odd quarrel), but otherwise she hangs about me waiting for the next event to begin!

kittywits · 26/08/2007 23:43

You are doing fine. It's great that you are at home. have more kids though then you won't be able to worry so much any more!!

scattyspice · 27/08/2007 18:16

Don't be hard on yourself. 3 is very young.

When DS was 3 all I really did with him was take him to the park.

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