Opinions on 2nd baby timing

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Hi

I've got a 7 month old LB and a 6 year old stepdaughter (soon to be 7). We only have stepdaughter to stay once a fortnight and she has other baby siblings at her mums house so she isn't really interested in her little brother when she is with us. Totally understandable. But this has got me thinking about wanting to give my LB a little brother or sister that will be closer to his age so he has a little play mate and support when he's older.

Can I have opinions and experiences on those of you who had their second baby close to the first and those who waited a while and the pros and cons please?

Thank you

Not had no.2 yet but due in March. Daughter will be almost 3. Decided to have a gap for a couple reasons really. One, I found babyhood quite hard & I wanted to enjoy the feeling of having some of my life ‘back’ before doing it all again! Ive enjoyed being back at work & gained a really good promotion too. I also much prefer the toddler years & my daughter understanding the world more and becoming a little pal (and terror in equal measure). My DD isn’t a great sleeper but better than when she was a baby. So enjoying not being knackered was also a factor!

And the other big reason was childcare costs. We couldn’t afford paying for two in nursery at once. By the time my maternity drops to statutory, she’ll be on her funded place at nursery. And will still be on the funding when no.2 goes to nursery themselves!

Pregnancy with a 2.5 year old has been a rough ride for me.. I’m grateful she’s old enough to understand I can’t do everything I used too & that I was really poorly for the first 16 weeks. I’m not sure I’d have coped so well with a younger, more reliant child!

Thank you @Bol87

I also found babyhood really hard for the first few months until he got to about 6mo and could sit up and entertain himself a bit more. So that scares me. And I'm kind of stuck between like you say, wanting my life back for a bit, but also if I'm doing it anyway already I may as well do it a bit more 😂

But your point on child care is definitely one to consider as we would struggle paying for both to go to nursery so waiting til my LB gets some funding would make sense.

It's really good to hear your experience, thank you

There will be a 2 year 8 month age gap between my two. I don't think there's any right or wrong. You always make it work in the end. For me personally I've been quite sick this pregnancy and feel very relieved I didn't concieve straight away when my son would have been more dependent on me! I also couldn't afford 2 in childcare but I stay home so this didn't affect my decision.

Things to consider with a small age gap

• are you breastfeeding your 7mo and want to continue. Pregnant while breastfeeding was agony for me
• can you afford to take back to back maternity leave and will your work accommodate enhanced pay etc the second time?
• can you afford 2 lots of childcare until the older one is 3?
• can you afford/have space for 2 cots, 2 high chairs, a double buggy? With a bigger age gap you can just reuse the ones your older child is no longer using

It's different for everyone. We have pretty much exactly two years between ours who are now 2 and 4. I really love this gap, it's small enough that they play together well now but big enough that my eldest was slightly less reliant on me when his brother was born - could feed himself, play by himself for short periods, respond to simple instructions etc. I always thought I'd want a bigger gap but getting the baby part outof the way as it were made sense. I can't imagine having a baby and a 4 year old now, it would be a big change in terms of life for myself, and I also think their interests would be more different across their childhood.

All that being said most people are pleased with whatever age gap they have and they make it work!

We have a 5 year age gap between ours and it’s been perfect. Honestly, I would caution you to see how the next few months to a year go before you make any decisions.

The cost of 2 in childcare should be a significant factor unless you haven’t planned to go back to work. Nursery is about £800-1000 a month full time with tax free childcare. Unless you have salaries, where you wouldn’t struggle to pay £2000 a month, it’s likely a major deciding factor.

Also the first 6 months are not the hardest stretch by any means. I found that 8-12 months was really tricky with both of mine and then a toddler and a new baby would be really intense. My older one was able to entertain herself and get herself a snack and could understand that things would be hard for a bit while we all adjusted.

I also can’t say enough about how much it helped to get our lives back a bit first. I made some progression in my career in between (so big change in salary coming back to work after #2), we were well rested, had time to do some travelling, have nights away together alone, etc. before we had to do it all again. I think that made it much more manageable.

We have nearly 3 years between ours. DD is quite helpful e.g. getting nappies, entertaining DS. She is also quite independent e.g. toilet trained, gets herself dressed, sleeps well. Personally I think longer gaps are easier initially but shorter gaps can pay off long term with more similar interests etc e.g. both liking soft play.

I have ds 23 months and dd 8 weeks. Having two in nappies is hard, and if they both wake in the night that's quite tough too. And ds is at the not listening stage, and just starting to do toddler tantrums, so that's quite challenging too. On the positive side he utterly adores his sister, and shes really brought out his kind and affectionate nature. He gives her his favourite toys frequently, which is lovely. I dont think there is a right or wrong, but if I was doing it all again I might wait until ds was potty trained first!

I'm thinking the same OP. Does anyone know, when you're on maternity leave with number 2, do you still receive government subsidised childcare (where they pay 20%) for child number 1?

We have a 2.5 year age gap, and its perfect for us. The kids are now 4 & 2 and play so well, and are so close. (When they aren't fighting!) I was terrified of having 2 quite close in age, dc2 wasn't planned, and I spent the pregnancy stressed about how I would cope. First year was hard, we were lucky in respects that dc1 is literally a darling child, and very easy going, well mannered, good at waiting/listening and makes life easy... If dc2 was our first we would have been in trouble! She's a whirlwind of crazy, and has been since birth. Absolutely love the gap though, and I'm so glad we had our little surprise when we did, as I don't think I would have ever felt ready for a second.

@Indigo89 I'm currently on maternity leave with DS2 and still using the tax free childcare and receiving the 30 free hours for him, no issues.

My situation is a little bit difficult. I had DD1 in May 2016 but I was only seven months along when she was born so she’s a prem baby. My ex and I were out at the end of June and we ended up pregnant with twins not even two months after having DD1. DD2 and DD3 were also born at seven months along in January 2017, so they are prem babies too. There is a seven month and two week age gap between the three of them but they’ll be in two separate year groups so it isn’t too bad. In terms of reusing things, my older brother has kids just older than my oldest three, so as his grew out of things, mine grew into them and we could recycle that way, and the same with clothes. I ended up hanging onto tons of my vests and baby grows and hats for the twins that DD1 had left in a good condition and it saved us a lot of money.

Regarding maternity leave, I work at home on a computer and have since I was nineteen, so working from home wasn’t really an issue. My boss was great about it all and as long as I did a set few hours a week while having the three kids at home, she was happy to keep me on my normal wage instead of my maternity pay and let me come back when I was ready.

I had triplets in September, DS1/2 and DD4, and I’ve left a bit of a bigger gap between the twins and the triplets. I didn’t know I was pregnant with the triplets until I was six months along in July and then they were born. Luckily for me, my mother had the bright idea to store the cribs my siblings and I weren’t using in their house so I had about five to choose from for the triplets.

I live with my six kids and two of my brothers (17 and 12) and we manage well. I think I would be mad with them all under five by now if I didn’t have such a good support network, but I suppose none of my children seem to be really difficult. Yet.

I am also one of six (older brother 28, older sister 26, myself 25, little sister 25, little brother 17 and little brother 12). My sisters and I are all nine months apart and we were often mistaken as triplets when we were kids because mum would dress us exactly the same. My little sister and I are in the same school year and it really helped a lot with school work and our older sister always knew how to deal with issues because she had just experienced them the year before, so the tiny gap didn’t even bother us or any of our family.

I do agree there is no right time to wait, it’s whenever you feel most ready to bring another DC into the family.