Advice on dealing with useless/absent/abusive fathers

[User17735356]

So I have several questions and hoping to get some tried and tested methods.

While I realise that it’s not considered good form to bad mouth the other parent after separation, where is the line drawn on this?

What if the father is emotionally abusive towards the mother? Would not condemning his behaviour be making it seem okay?

What if he’s never bothered with his children?

My DD is 14. Her biological father treated me very badly, moved aborad shortly after her birth (he’s not British) and has never wanted anything to do with her until now.

Her step father and I separated a few years ago. She adores him and still sees him despite him being financially and verbally abusive towards me. He has also been physically abusive.

This is a very difficult one.

Although do you think your DD hasnt noticed how your ex has treated you (stepfather)? Children notice more then you think.

Also I would be careful to let such an abusive person who technically isn’t her father, stay close with my DD. Though he isn’t her father, he’s a father figure and likely a blueprint for how she sees men and relationships. And he’s far from being a healthy example.

Thank you. Her step father and I have two children together, the siblings all spend time with him together. He raised her from a baby so it’s quite a tricky situation.