I need to regain some control

[Kungfupanda67]

Help please!

I have 3 kids, 7, 3 and 1. I’m struggling with my 7 year old, feel like I have no control. I end up lecturing him all the time which obviously doesn’t do anything.

The problem I have is we’re not talking about really naughty stuff, that’s easier to deal with., it’s all little things.

He has no respect for anyone’s stuff, he kicks things as he walks past, stands on stuff on purpose, never puts anything away. He generally just doesn’t think about anyone else, this morning he’s been running around playing ninjas really loudly, despite the fact me, his dad and the baby are all trying to sleep. He just doesn’t care.

He’s been getting up very early (like 5.15 this morning) and he knows I’m not going to let him get up, he knows he’s tired and grumpy because he’s getting up so early. I told him yesterday that he needs to help his body relearn what time to get up and that means laying quietly in bed until a reasonable time, not jumping out of bed, immediately eating his advent chocolate and putting the tv on. This morning he came in my bedroom at 5.15 to ask if he could get up - I feel like our conversation yesterday I might as well have talked to the wall.

He doesn’t listen to anything, he had this sticky man thing the other day, he threw it at the wall so I told him you can’t throw them at the wall because it marks it, needs to be the window. He IMMEDIATELY threw it at the wall. Not defiantly, it was literally like he hadn’t processed what I’d said.

I’m so stressed and upset, I don’t know what to do to make it better. I end up shouting and screaming to make them listen to me because no one does what I ask the first time. Feel like I’m failing at parenting.

Any advice on how to deal with the small things like this without losing my temper at the repetitiveness of telling him the same thing over and over??

The only thing I can comment on is the early riser, we have one. Essentially they just wake up early so we are realistic about it. We let them get up as fighting it is futile but agree what they can do - Lego, reading etc. This compromise seemed to help- before we would spend a good hour saying go back to bed when they were awake and the whole house ended up awake and grumpy

One thing I have found works is to say it once, then ask a question. So 'sticky men make marks on the wall. You can only throw them at the window. Where can you throw them?' It forces the child to process the information you've given them differently. Good luck!

Reward chart!!! A really big, bright, sparkly one which takes centre stage in the home. Turn all the unwanted behaviours on their head i.e 'I stayed in bed until 7 o'clock this morning'

@Digestive28 he’s always been a pretty early riser, like 6am, but he went through a few days when the baby woke him nearer to 5 when she was poorly and now it’s like it’s in the habit of 5am, but it’s making him so bloody grumpy! I wouldn’t care if he was happy with it (and quiet!)

Thanks @piglet that’s a good idea

Is he in a bedroom by himself? If so I would give him a clock, and explain 1001 times, that he isn't allowed out of the bedroom except toilet before 7am. If he wakes before, he is allowed to quietly play in him bedroom with xyz. Xyz are to be just quiet stuff not full range of toys. ie he is allowed to read, draw (put small desk area), or similar. No rummaging around in lego boxes.

I would completely stop any TV for anyone before 8am. Means he has no initiative to keep waking earlier to benefit more tv time or stuff he likes.

So basically he can be awake at 5am, but it has to be boring, and has to not involve anyone else.

Also what time is he going to bed? At 7 years, many don't need the whole 7pm-7am, so maybe he is going to bed too early? I would put a 7 year old to bed around 8.30pm if hes waking early.

Hoin the Therapeutic Parenting group on Facebook and buy the A-Z of Parenting by Sarah Naish. It will give you strategies to cope with him without resorting to screaming.

Get one of those clocks that has a light that changes colour (cannot remember what it is called) and trek him he can only get up when the light is green (Eg at 7)

Also make sure he does loads of exercise (1-2 hrs a day), a lot if kids don't get enough exercise

Boys can be like dogs 😁 (girls probably too, but As a mum of boys I only know about boys)

I would take mine swimming, to the park and then chill out in front of a movie

But masses and masses of activity, ideally outside

Does your husband not discipline your son? Boys typically feel like they can get away with more with their mothers rather than fathers.

Also a 7 year old needs to spend lots of time playing outside and not indoors. It will wear him out. Try putting him to bed later too.

Shorten what you are telling him so
"No walls" only.

Gro clock could work as above poster suggested.

Maybe I can help with the tidying up. My kids are really bad at tidying up, sometimes won't do it or will just shove toys in a corner so they are 'hidden'.

I now tell them if they don't put their toys away I will hide them and they will not get them back for a week.

If this is repeated then I will give the toys away to kids who will appreciate them. (have only had to do this once)

Another idea I love is I read that one mum has 'f* it' buckets. She has a bucket where she chucks random things she finds during the day. If it's not put away by the time the kids are going to bed then the stuff goes in the bin.

@GreenGrove we have a reward chart and that has dealt with the issues around getting ready in the morning, making his bed etc. It’s the unspecific things that you can’t reward them for not doing if you know what I mean (well done for not standing on all the toys as you walked through the lounge).

He shares a room with his brother, so I can’t let him just play in his room unfortunately- he’s very good at playing by himself and he is really active all the time, we walk to and from school, he does football, rugby, swimming, and still plays very physically (not really interested in tablets, drawing etc). He’s currently having a football match with himself down the hallway with a bouncy ball 🤦‍♀️

@GinisLife I’ll have a look at those, thank you.

@Anessia yes my husband disciplines him when he’s here, I discipline him when I’m here. Doesn’t make any difference either way.

He goes to bed at 7.30, I just want him to sleep until 6 so he’s not miserable! But that’s his decision if he wants to be tired really, I can’t make him sleep - it’s just the lack of respect for the rest of the house when he does get up, I sort of expect a 7 year old to not start playing ninjas and shooting stuff really loudly at 6.10 in the morning when everyone’s asleep!

@mummykauli7 love the idea of a fuck it bucket, might start doing this for anything not put away when it’s finished with