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Original poster

2.5yr old will never just go to bed!

27 replies

Gingerninja01 · 20/12/2019 20:31

As the title says! My 2.5yr old will never go to bed without a massive performance, this can take anything from an hour to two. Invariably I end up getting cross and then spend the rest of the night upset that I have got cross with her/she has gone to sleep being told off.
She has dinner early, then the usual bath, stories, teeth brushing etc and lots of cuddles - why wont she just go to sleep?!
She didn't sleep through until she was over 2, and bedtime has always been quite a battle.
Any advice appreciated! Thanks!

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Original poster
Gingerninja01 · 20/12/2019 20:33

I should also say we have tried multiple different mattresses etc to ensure shes comfy so its not a comfort issue, she has her favourite blanket and cuddly toys, lovely fresh pyjamas on nightly- what else can I do?!

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INeedNewShoes · 20/12/2019 20:34

What's her sleep routine? Does she still nap during the day? If yes, I'd shorten this to under an hour and see if that improves your evenings.

Careylisa · 20/12/2019 20:41

We are going through the exact same thing with our 2.5 year old! It's all about testing the water, seeing how far she can push us!! She's clearly very tired but having none of it.
We are just persisting with lots of cuddles and silence and some days it works but other days not. Just hoping she catches on at some point!! Grin

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 20/12/2019 20:46

Bath, story bed and don't make this more that 45- 1hr. Once in bed,big cuddle with story and leave the room. Every time she gets uptake her back to bed and just say "it's bedtime now,back to bed." Repeat this every single time she get out. This might take 100 x the first night but if she knows that you mean it and the outcome will always be you taking her back to bed then I will bet you that by night 3 she will have got the hang of it.

Original poster
Gingerninja01 · 20/12/2019 21:08

Thanks for your replies, no she doesn't nap unless she occasionally dozes off in the car for half an hour, if so this is always in the morning as I pretty much always plan our activities for the morning and have afternoons at home to avoid any danger napping in the car which could affect bedtime. Not that it makes any bloody difference!

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INeedNewShoes · 20/12/2019 21:11

Have you moved her bedtime earlier since she dropped the nap?

Once they drop the nap they are in danger of getting overtired.

My DD is also 2.5. Since dropping her nap her bedtime has moved earlier from 7:30 to 6:30. The later bedtime is the more likely there is to be a battle.

Is she in a bed or a cot? That makes a difference to the game plan...

My DD is still in a cot so if she's making a fuss I will go back a couple of times, give her a cuddle and then leave again. I have found it effective to say 'if I have to come up again I will shut your bedroom door'. It feels mean but it has so far worked so I haven't had to carry it through.

Original poster
Gingerninja01 · 20/12/2019 21:15

No shes still got the same bedtime of 7pm and to be honest doesn't seem tired most of the time, even if weve had a busy day she just seems to have so much energy!
She is in a cot bed.

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INeedNewShoes · 20/12/2019 21:16

And does she get plenty of exercise? I find DD goes to bed more smoothly if she's had a good opportunity to run/climb etc. during the day.

ChristmasiscomingJonSnow · 20/12/2019 21:23

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ as requested by the OP.

INeedNewShoes · 20/12/2019 21:24

Having seen the smile on my DD's face when her shouting makes me reappear, I have to say that I do suspect a degree of manipulation...

Original poster
Gingerninja01 · 20/12/2019 21:27

Yeah we do go out alot - soft play, the playground, she does a couple of classes where she runs around like a lunatic, admittedly I'm 8 months expecting baby 2 so probably a bit more screen time in the afternoon than we would normally have but we also get paints out, do puzzles etc, I feel like unless I run her (& myself!) ragged morning and afternoon she will never go to bed without a fuss?! Nobody else I know seems to have this problem?!

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Original poster
Gingerninja01 · 20/12/2019 21:28

DD also has a cheeky smile when she sees her shouting/jumping off the sofa etc has got my attention

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Gingerninja01 · 20/12/2019 21:31

Sorry also to add, no I haven't and wouldn't leave her alone if she were upset or if I thought me walking away would make her upset. Each night I cuddle her etc and when it's been over an hour of messing around and I can feel my patience going, I ask OH to come and sit with her so shes not alone.

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Smashtastick · 20/12/2019 21:38

Ok op, remember she is just a baby. Babies and toddlers need us and cannot express why sometimes. She needs you for something and you have to work out what it is.

Walk us through your evening and bedtime routine so we can try to make suggestions as to what might be wrong.

What times dinner?
What/how much does she eat?
Is there bath before bed?
Does she have milk?
Does she sleep with a night light?
What bedding do you use, is she warm enough? Too hot?

Mylittlepony374 · 20/12/2019 21:40

We had this exact problem. The answer was actually the opposite of what previous poster said- she just wasn't tired enough.
We were trying &trying to get her to sleep at 7 or 7.30 because that seemed to be when everyone else's 2 year old went to sleep. And that's how much sleep the books said a 2 year old needs.
But no matter how much we ran her ragged in day (trampoline, swimming, running races, I tried it all) she was never asleep until 9pm. So eventually we just moved bedtime to 8.30pm.
Shes asleep within 10 minutes every night & with later bedtime nighttime wakings also stopped.
Worth a try maybe?

INeedNewShoes · 20/12/2019 21:43

I come at this from a different angle. I feel it is really important to teach children to go to sleep independently. It is an important skill and something that will stand them in good stead for years to come. So although in the short-term it means a bit of upset setting the boundaries there is overall less upset as it's not compounding a pattern of unsettled bedtimes.

Apart from when she is ill or is specifically upset about something I always leave DD to it. Generally we will have 3–4 months of good bedtimes and then a phase of a few days to a week where she will be unsettled at bedtimes. I stand firm on it and she gets the message and then we're back to good bedtimes.

I just don't feel its good for either the child or the parent(s) to be going through a performance at bedtime.

DD is allowed a couple of books in her cot so if she says to me that she's not ready to go to sleep I say 'ok, you can read your books instead'.

Smashtastick · 20/12/2019 21:44

Does she have a special toy she sleeps with?
Can OH do bedtime for a while to give you a break?

I ask all these questions as over the years it has been different issues.

I figured out that my LO's were having dinner quite early and were hungry before bed so introduced supper.
They like to cuddle so I made sure they have a loved comfort toy each to cuddle after I leave them.
My youngest at about 2.5 suddenly became afraid of the dark after previously sleeping in darkness which made him fractious at bedtime so I got him a nightlight.

All done by process of elimination

Biscuitsandteaplease · 20/12/2019 21:55

@INeedNewShoes just curious, what does/has your bedtime routine look/looked like in terms of teaching to sleep independently? No judgement or anything, just genuinely interested!

INeedNewShoes · 20/12/2019 22:07

@Biscuitsandteaplease

DD's basic bedtime routine since dropping the nap is:

-dinner sometime between 5:30 and 6:30pm
-then straight upstairs for bath (if having one)
-pyjamas and sleeping bag
-she then chooses two stories to read with me and two books to put in her cot to read herself

  • drinks a cup of milk while we read our two books sitting in a chair in her bedroom
  • clean teeth
  • quick cuddle, quick reference to something to look forward to tomorrow or something nice that has happened that day
  • into cot and I say 'goodnight, see you in the morning - not before 6 o' clock!'
  • I leave her bedroom

Generally, that's it, but if she makes any fuss as I'm leaving I will ask her what she needs and if its something like water or a cuddly toy I'll get that for her or if she wants another cuddle I'll give her a cuddle. Then I'll leave again and if she calls me back I'll go in and tell her that I'm busy doing jobs and that I'll come and see her again in 5 minutes. If after 5 minutes she's crying I pick her up give her one more cuddle and tell her this is the last time and that it's time to go to sleep. Generally nowadays, that's it.

Going further back, I have done a version of controlled crying with her when she was a bit younger where I went back every two minutes and gave her a pat/back a rub before leaving again, then three minutes, then four etc.

I've found it helpful from way back to always be noisy when I leave her bedroom so that she can hear me and has the reassurance of knowing that I'm there. I tend to go downstairs and clatter around emptying the dishwasher or whatever.

Ragwort · 20/12/2019 22:11

I never sat with my DS until he fell asleep, just said good night, left the room and shut the door.

Your DD clearly knows she has got your attention. Toughen up.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/12/2019 00:35

It's much better imo to teach her to go to sleep independently than get irritated when she plays up and give had enough. If you're expecting it's even more of a reason to establish a good routine now.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/12/2019 00:35

**you've

ChristmasiscomingJonSnow · 21/12/2019 07:37

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NataliaOsipova · 21/12/2019 07:47

shes still got the same bedtime of 7pm and to be honest doesn't seem tired most of the time

I think this is your problem, if she’s not tired at 7pm, then she doesn’t want to go to bed. My DD was a lot like this - she wasn’t someone who needed a lot of sleep and that was that. In the end, we let her get into a pattern which suited her, which meant bedtime of 9pm and she would then sleep through solidly until 7 in the morning.

Bipbipbipbip · 21/12/2019 07:55

My DS needs a good run out more morning and afternoon - it's exhausting enough and I'm not pregnant! I'd agree with PP re tinkering with the time of her going to bed - with Christmas coming it's probably going to be up in the air a bit anyway so probably as good a time as any. If she can't get herself off to sleep independently I'd start thinking about encouraging this - a couple of friends have had success with the gradual retreat method.