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Original poster

DD (4)'s behaviour going out of control...

13 replies

minko · 24/08/2007 20:22

DD is driving me mad. She is starting school in September and I don't know if that is causing her anxiety but her behavious is awful recently.

She used to be a funny, intelligent little soul but these days she just has a look in her eye like she wants to punish us.

She may be jealous of her brother who is nearly one. She gets at him all the time, just tickling him that bit too hard, or pushing his ride-on toy just too fast, or stealing things out of his hands to upset him. You have to watch her all the time and it drives me crazy.

She is also really active all day long from 7am till 8pm. I keep finding myself shouting 'JUST SHUT UP!', which clearly isn't great parenting skills, but I just can't cope with it. I am also sooo tired, but I can't seem to sleep recently.

The house is a constant mess as I have no time to clear it up as I have no child-free time, and DP whilst sympathetic doesn't do a lot to help.

And so basically I just feel depressed... and I'm counting the days till school starts. I feel such a failure, why is she like this, what have I done...

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Nat1H · 24/08/2007 21:07

My 7 year old DS is just the same, but I always put it down to the fact that he has a disabled brother who takes up a lot of my time. Presumably, your DS takes up quite a bit of time as well, and it could be that she is fed up with taking 'second' place (not saying that this is how you intentionally treat her, but I do find myself doing this with my 2). Could you spend some time alone with her when DS is asleep? Ask her what she wants to do and make sure you do it. Forget the housework - I know it's a nightmare, but it will always be there - your little girl can only see that you spend time with the baby and on the house, but not with her. Just an idea - I have only recently realised that this is what was happening with my son, and little changes have made a huge difference to our lives. Once she starts school, you should find it easier to cope, and time to catch up on sleep while the LO is having a nap! Good luck

helenelisabeth · 24/08/2007 21:14

Funny you have posted this, I was with a friend today whose DD is 4 (I also have a 4 year old DD) and her DD who is usually an ANGEL had this horrendous outburst and starting hitting my friend whilst we were at the park! I was gobsmacked and my friend told me that this has happened a lot recently and she has been told that it can happen when they are about to start school.

I too have a VERY active 4 year old DD, she does not stop from 7am til 8am like your DD, is extremely loud and does not give me a moment's peace. I am 38 weeks pg and am afraid I snap at her far more than I feel I should. Don't beat yourself up about it. Have you thought of sending her to dance classes/gymnastics? You need to have a good heart to heart with your DP and tell him you are struggling to cope. I broke down in tears the other night (my DH works long hours and is currently renovating our house, we are living with my parents) and he is tsking this weekend off as he realised I was at the end of my tether.

You haven't done anything wrong, it is just the trials and tribulations of being a parent. Good lucK!

larahusky · 25/08/2007 20:03

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pooka · 25/08/2007 20:19

MY dd is certainly going through a similar phase. Having never really had a tantrum before, when she hit 4 she started having occasionaly melt-downs and now hits me when she loses it. Honestly, gets so beside herself and so angry!

On the one hand it can be hell. On the other I am making a concerted effort to be more positive with her. To stop saying no so often and to generally try not to let my moods effect her. It's tough though - I jsut feel bloody knackered much of the time, she's only recently dropped her afternoon nap so I'm having to do more work in the evenings, and I feel incredibly guilty for feeling that my ds is so much easier and more straightforward (he's nearly 2) at the moment.

I feel like I'm letting her down. Am lucky though in that she doesn't start school until January.

sorry - no advice really, just wanted to empathise.

larahusky · 25/08/2007 20:41

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pooka · 25/08/2007 22:33

Same here!

This'll sound wierd, but when I feel cross and tired and just generally narked, I pretend that I am being filmed and watched by Tania Byron. At the same time as making a concerted effort to be happy and cheerful (easier said than done sometimes) and generally more positive-mum than negative-mum it does make me really think what I'm saying and what my body language is like.

My childminder says that she finds she's nicer to her 2 when she has mindees, because she puts in that extra bit of effort with them because they're not hers. I find the same when we have friends over for playdates and so on.

Still feels like bloody hard work much of the time though. I am still hoping it's just a phase. And she is lovely - most of the time!

larahusky · 26/08/2007 10:15

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loveverona · 27/08/2007 21:22

Just wanted to add my thoughts to this, albeit a little late in the day. My DD, also 4, has been a terror recently. We have just moved house and as a result she will now be starting school next week (!), but she does seem to have developed a monsterous temper since her fourth birthday! I can really empathise with you minko when you say "tickling him that bit too hard, or pushing his ride-on toy just too fast, or stealing things out of his hands to upset him. You have to watch her all the time and it drives me crazy." I'm with you!! This is my house entirely and it is VERY tiring. My DS is now 16 months and is a pure delight (aren't they all at that age?!) - the light at the end of the tunnel is that they do play beautifully together sometimes (real rough and tumble now and much laughter) which is so lovely to see. I think it's just a maturity thing and, with some outside guidance and discipline (ie school) things will start to calm down. School won't tolerate this sort of behaviour for long. So, you're really not alone. I believe it is a 'phase' that some children go through and seemingly more so with boys than girls...from my experience anyway. Hang in there and just think of those wonderful free mornings from next week....when you'll miss your DD like crazy!!

(Pooka - can't BELIEVE I've 'bumped' into you again - just moved to Cambridge from Bromley!!! All's well and we love it here - hope you're having a great summer)

loveverona · 27/08/2007 21:23

Sorry, forgot to say how much I'm missing everyone though...

pooka · 28/08/2007 08:03

Hey there LV ! How did the move go.

Sorry you're having similar difficulties with L. I find T a complete delight also which makes me feel a bit conflicted. He'll be 2 next week. Have flashes of "ah, they're so sweet together" interspersed with "sweet jesus I'm going to run away". Have to say this is rather tempering my urge to have No.3!

How do you think the school start'll go? Have you met anyone over the summer? Am sure that once school begins you can concentrate on settling in properly. Take care.

for hijack

pooka · 28/08/2007 08:04

Sorry - that's not meant to be a link. Just cack-handedness.

pooka · 28/08/2007 08:05

Oh and in terms of temper, my goodness you hsould have seen L at Bluewater last week. People were turning and pointing as she was shouting in tongues with her head spinning round all the while hitting me. Lovely.

loveverona · 28/08/2007 21:58

Hi P! Yes, totally with you on all of that. I guess this just goes to show that not one of our children is unusual - they're all at it! Some relief there then. Saying that, had a terrible day with L today - the only person I know around here so far (and have known for a few years) came over for coffee with her 2.5yr old DD and L was hell. I'm sure only because she doesn't really know the little girl, but was just so territorial. Anyway, bla, bla. I've just found today a bit exhausting. As I said before re minko's situation, I'm sure things will settle when L gets to school. I do think she'd ready - she really misses the nursery environment.

I've been to my first playgroup type thing last week, next one tomorrow and everyone is very friendly. So I do really feel like this is home already which is lovely.

I know what you mean about tempering your urge for no.3, but I still really do want a third! I have bad days of course, but I can't get away from the fact that we both (me and DH) just want 3. Then I panic and think, am I totally naive and would it be horrendous? I think I'd regret it though if we didn't go for it. If it's meant to be it's meant to be, kinda thing.

Great to hear from you! Hope your summer's going OK....

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