Apologies if this turns into a rant, needing to vent.
I have a DD aged 2. My mum is desperate for another grandchild, she has two, one from me and one from my elder sister. Elder sister is very much in the one and done camp; her son is 12 and she is in her 40s now and has made her decision clear. So it's down to me. DH and I are in the "maybe, but not right now" camp as regards number two, and so we are going to wait a while. I'm 32 so hopefully time is on my side. I've explained this to my mum but she goes on and on and on about having a second as she is desperate for "another baby". I'm dreading christmas for this very reason.
The irony here, and my real issue tbh, is that my mum offered absolutely no support when I had DD. Whilst friends had their mums over all the time to help with adjusting to parenthood I had zilch. I had to drive the 25 miles to my parents house if I wanted to see them, they would rarely come to me. All this while my DH went back to work after the usual 2 weeks and I was left with a screaming newborn that I was struggling to feed thanks to absolutely awful reflux. I suffered (very mild, fortunately) PND and asked my mum for help but she was usually too busy. 2 years on and DH is an absolute delight, sleeps well, goes down for a nap in the day and is generally lovely. But, being a mum is hard and it would be so nice to have a break to go out for a date night with DH, or to go to a friend's baby-free wedding. But never has there been an offer of help or support or even a "we'll babysit for an hour so that you and DH can go for a walk". Literally zilch. And now she is nagging me about having another baby and I'm literally struggling to hold in my "where would my support network be?!" response! I've realised that I'm incredibly resentful of my mum not helping me as I hoped she would. I envy my wonderful friends who have the kinds of mums that will pop over and play with their kids so they can have an hour to wrap presents/cook dinner etc. I envy my friends who see their husbands outside the home and still get to go on "dates". Why is it that their parents are happy to help out with sleepovers and babysitting despite the fact that their kids don't sleep though the night yet mine does and I've never been offered any help! DH thinks I should ask more but I feel so guilty when I do, and the most recent occasion (DH was away on business and DD was sick, so no nursery for 48h, despite being absolutely fine after 12h, and I should have been at work doing a huge presentation) she said she was too busy doing xmas shopping to help me out with a few hours of childcare whilst I worked. Am I alone in resenting my mum for not being the kind of mum I so desperately needed her to be? Feeling down and dreading having to be "OK" at christmas.