Is reinforcing good behaviour just bribery?

[dameofdilemma]

And where does it end (do the bribes get bigger and bigger)?

I'm not talking about star charts, I mean giving tv, chocolate etc as a way of persuading a 7 year old to do their homework or tidy their toys.

I've tried not to do that but dp is more lenient and thinks its better than dd having a strop and then having to impose a sanction (eg toys taken away).

I think he's opting for the path of least resistance for an easy life...and I can see the benefits of that but the bribes are going to get bigger as dd gets older and is that sustainable?

Or is parenting really all just bribery in the end?
I've pretty much given up today and left dd in dp's hands (homework done but dd has left a trail of destruction round the house so I'm hiding in the one tidy room..).

I think bribery becomes unhelpful when it happens after the child has complained/misbehaved/whinged etc. Eg if you ask dd to tidy her toys, she refuses and then you offer her X or y to comply. That is only going to make her more likely to refuse next time. On the other hand, if you agree at the beginning of the week/day that she needs to do x to get y then that's a normal part of parenting in my opinion. Hope that makes sense!

The way I see it, if you give a child a doughnut because they are making a loud embarrassing fuss at the supermarket and you want them to stop, that’s a bribe. If, before you enter the supermarket,you tell your child that they need to talk nicely in a quiet voice while you go round the supermarket andif they do that, they can have a doughnut at the end, that’s a reward. Rewards are earned for good behaviour: bribes are offered to stop bad behaviour. Rewards are plannedand controlled by parents. They are non-negotiable. So when you say “If you keep your room clean then…” it’s a reward. If a child says “If I clean my room then I want…” it’s a bribe. Bribes are used in desperation.

Ricekrispie22
That's a really good way of putting it.

People earn rewards.
Bribes are thrown out to stop something undesirable or are issues in an attempt to beg or negotiate.

I agree....bribes keep being doled out to dd by dp when she kicks up a fuss (or to avoid her kicking up a fuss). She often gets the bribe before doing the chore.

I'm all for rewards though.