How early is too early to take a baby to a family wedding?

[Toastytoes1]

I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant with my first and my sister’s wedding is just 2 weeks after my due date. I’m already prepared for the fact that I might not be able to go if baby is late but had been hoping that maybe if she’s a little early or on time (or near enough) it shouldn’t be a problem. Today my husband has said he doesn’t think its a good idea we take her at all, depending when she’s born of course but really we do know she’s likely to be very young and he’s said today that he just feels worried that she’ll be too young to be exposed to so many people with all their germs in one place. I said of course we wouldn’t let just anyone and everyone touch her or pick her up but even so, he’s worried. I’m extremely close to my sister and the idea of not going to her wedding really upsets me but to be completely honest; I’d been so focused on ‘if I can get there, of course I’ll be there’ rather than really thinking about whether or not a newborn should be at such a large gathering in the first place. The wedding is also on the other side of the country which adds to the difficulty. My husband suggested perhaps if we do go, he could stay at a hotel with baby all day whilst I go to the wedding so at least I don’t miss out but the wedding isn’t that close to any hotels and I hope to breastfeed but even if I don’t, I already know I don’t want to be separated from her for a full day or even half a day that soon. I know we can’t ultimately make any decision until she’s actually here and we know how old she’ll be but I hadn’t really even thought about it before like this so now hearing my husband say he’s worried about it makes me feel I’ve massively overlooked this and would be really interested to know what other parents think about how soon is too soon to let a baby go to a big wedding? Thank you.

You'll still be learning to breastfeed and I wouldn't suggest giving a bottle as this would interfere with those efforts and make it all more complicated.

I do understand it's a big deal to miss the wedding but I don't see how it is compatible at the moment.

Hope your baby's here on time.
At my brothers wedding we were all sat in the chapel with drink in our bags😂. My sister leaned over the pew to tell me alcohol was leaking out of my bag. It was my other sister's water's had broke😂😂😂😂.
She had to leave the chapel into an ambulance.

My friend is having her baby 3 weeks.before her ds wedding.Shes definitely taking the baby.I think its doable

I took my 3 week old DC2 to a wedding and it was fine. However, she was born almost 2 weeks overdue - your timeline is much tighter than that.

As previous posters have mentioned, the logistics of getting there would be very complicated -the car seat position can make newborns stop breathing properly so you have to stop frequently. In addition, they are often feeding at least every hour and each feed can take over 30 minutes....

The other one to consider if it's further away is that they watch a newborns weight very closely for at least the first 5 days or so - if their weight isn't doing well it can get serious very quickly. I wouldn't want to plan to be away for more than a day or so until you know the baby is gaining well.

I took my 6 wk on preemie.

I think it depends more how you feel. But one thing to take into consideration is the journey, safe sleep guidelines recommended baby's don't stay in car seats for longer than 30 minutes at a time before the age of 6 weeks old so you'd need to plan lots of stops in on the journey there/back.

If you decide to go I'd be tempted to stick baby in a sling so people are less likely to touch, as I agree with some others my concern would be an unvaccinated baby surrounded by so many people at a couple of weeks old.

I had to decline a wedding when baby was one month old and it was only 2 hours away.

As well as us knowing the baby wouldn't have coped with the journey / day itself, there was no way I'd have managed a car journey longer than an hour (even with loads of breaks) sat on my second degree tear. It was ouchy!

When ds was 3 weeks we just about made it to a local restaurant which was walking distance - when you have a newborn little trips like that feel like quite big achievements. (It's hard to understand why or how until you're a new parent!)

I'm sorry to be negative, I'm just trying to be realistic. I'm not saying you can't go, of course the decision is yours. Just things to consider.

OP, I didn’t go to my brothers wedding, at the other end of the country because I was 36 wks pg and couldn’t face an 8 hour drive. My nephew set me up a webcam, that helped.

Never too early.
I'm not a specialist but know about sound, if there is any music at all please use ear defenders, the ones specifically for cutting out noise completely not those you can buy anywhere.
may set you back a bit but did you know what is considered normal disco/band level will harm your hearing, that's anyone not just a small baby.

If you feel fine then I'd go. They're very easy at that age as they just eat and sleep. I'v also found people to be considerate of touching baby at that age as they don't want to disturb feeding or sleeping.

My friend had her baby a couple of weeks early and was chief bridesmaid for her friend. Baby was 4 days old when she walked up the aisle with him.

Some friends of DH's came to ours with their two week old. At the time I though it was really lovely that they'd made the effort, since having kids myself I think they were bloody amazing 🤣

See how you feel. Bear in mind the travelling - a baby shouldn't be in a car seat for too long (I forget how long) so you will need to factor in lots of stops en route (also for feeding etc)

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/warning-over-babies-sleeping-in-car-seats/

My friend went to a wedding with her 2 day old but with my first I wouldn't have gone anywhere! For ages!

We did it with a 6 week old and it was absolutely fine. She spent the evening cluster feeding so I didn’t get to dance but set up on a sofa in the corner and friends came and sat with me 🙂 the only thing I regret is not buying ear defenders as PP said, it didn’t occur to me until afterwards.

I think I could have done it at 2 weeks post partum too, but I was one of those who was up and about very quickly. If you have a difficult labour or c section it may not be possible for you

I didn’t know about the 30 mins in a car seat for newborns thing until recently - thought it was 2 hours like older babies. We’ve always stuck to that. At 3 weeks old my daughter had to be driven 90 mins to see a specialist at a hospital not local to us, couldn’t get round it really. I sat in the back with her until she was a couple of months old.

OP, i would say plan to go, as long as your sister is ok with you dropping out last minute if you don’t think you can do it. If she wants commitment now, I think you’ll need to decline.

Sorry just RTFT and see others posted the same thing. So if you stop every half hour to give a break from car seat and to feed (so lets say for up to 30 mins) you're turning a 5 hour journey into 10 hours plus. And I know when DS was tiny he would have hour long feeds and wanted to be on me constantly. He hated the car with a passion. You just have to see, but allow a full day either side of the wedding just for travelling. Train would be better, but more exposure to bugs at this time of year with a pre-vaccinated baby.

Oh and clothes for BF - JoJo Maman Bebe have lovely dresses designed for BF. They wouldn’t work as a bridesmaid but they were nice enough for a wedding, with nice shoes and fascinator and jewellery etc.

I don't think you'll know until it happens. I couldn't have taken DS1 but would have been fine with DS2 as I knew what I was doing more confidently. But you might be one of those people who just can! I have a friend who just can! She never had a moment's dithering like i did with DS1! Play it by ear if you can.

The baby will be fine to go it’s more about how you will be. At 2 weeks pp with my first I was barely leaving the house, I was still sore and aching from birth and lack of sleep. I wasn’t confident breastfeeding and it was still very painful and baby was a lot. Mentally I couldn’t have done it.

2nd baby no problem, I still would have been sore and tired but because I had so much more confidence with the baby, feeding etc I would have felt confident going.

Assuming the wedding is close I would just plan to wait and see how you feel. If it’s further away then that adds complications and I’d probably just decline or risk having to book a last min air bnb if I felt up for it

So let’s says she’s born on her due date for arguments sake...
I personally wouldn’t take a 2 week old to a big event like a wedding.
After my DC1 was born, I could only just walk normally again at 2 weeks postpartum. I was trying to learn to breastfeed and it was not going well.
After DC2, I was so emotionally overwhelmed by the whole thing I spent most of the first few weeks either crying happy tears or angry tears or sad tears - there was lots of tears
DC3 was born 12 weeks ago, and even after the easiest birth ever and relatively easy start to breastfeeding, I wouldn’t have gone to a wedding when she was so tiny.
I’d definitely rather attend a wedding heavily pregnant (with car seat, hospital bags and maternity notes packed and in the car!) than attend with a fresh newborn and a sore fanjo

My advice would be to make sure the couple know that depending on when the baby arrives, and how you feel afterwards, you might not go. That’s all you can do really!!

You can get lie flat car seats now which means newborns can be in the car for longer as not the same risk to breathing.

If it was me, i would plan to go and organise what I could in advance, but then make the decision oncebaby was here and I knew how I/she was.

Completely agree with the suggestions to put baby in a sling as then eliminates people trying to hold her. Plus when you're breastfeeding you can claim baby is still feeding when you know they've actually long gone to sleep but no one else does

Agree with what others have said re doing parts of the day. A newborn at a wedding is a big distraction from the bride, there will be a million people wanting to "have a cuddle" and lots of them will be tipsy and may have been smoking (because lots of people smoke when they've had a drink).

Book into a hotel, be there to help her get ready, maybe go to the meal and leave baby with your OH in the hotel room. You'll still be bleeding at this stage and probably a little physically uncomfortable, you're unlikely to want to get dressed up for a wedding.

I’d be more worried about you and how your feeling. Babies are pretty portable. I’d just keep baby in a sling away from everyone.

I had a third degree tear and episiotomy. I was bleeding heavily, I was sore and very itchy down there two weeks after the birth. (And my baby was 18 days late 😬). I was so exhausted.

I’d say see how you feel. You won’t know until baby is here unfortunately.

We went to a wedding when our daughter was 6 weeks old. She slept 90% of the day and was no bother really. I couldn't relax though.