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Priorities changed - is this normal?

6 replies

PastaFasool · 15/12/2019 11:03

I have a 10 month old DC, and going back to work in a little over a month. Me and DH and DC are moving to a new city for my work, which we are excited and nervous but mostly excited about.

However, people keep asking me how I am feeling about going back to work, and honestly, I'm kind of dreading it. I left it fairly late to start a family, will be 40 next year. I had lots of travel and adventures pre-baby, and re-trained for a new career about 10 years ago. I currently work in tech, well paid work that I quite enjoy and find intellectually stimulating but...

Honestly, I just feel like I couldn't give much of a crap about work any more. I love being a mum, I'm enjoying it much more than I thought I would. I have a good bunch of friends across the country, and don't feel lonely or isolated by not going to work. My DH and I have had our ups and downs over the last year, but we're still pretty good together and we have fun hanging out. We had a rough few years as a couple with family bereavement and then a late pregnancy loss before DC, and I am proud of how well we're still standing after some really tragic losses in our lives and around us.

My priorities now feel like: DC and immediate family, then our wider family, then friends, then my home (making it nice for DC and DH), then environmental and social issues... But honestly, work is WAY down the list for me.

I was definitely a girly swot at school, and I'm reasonably senior in my tech career now. But honestly, that stuff feels SO much less important to me now than family and home.

Is this normal? I just feel exhausted by having to be clever and high-achieving all the time, I want to focus that energy on my family now rather than career, but I feel people are quite shocked when I tell them I'd much rather be focussed on home and family at the moment.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mistermagpie · 15/12/2019 11:08

I think it's normal. I wasn't as professionally successful as you but am very educated and enjoy my job. I had three children in five years, went part time and now my job is really just a means to an end. I still enjoy it and still work hard at it, but the status quo is fine for me just now and I have no desire to further my career in the next few years.

It's ok to enjoy being a mum and it's also ok to enjoy being at home. I think there is a lot of pressure to do it all and people feel almost embarrassed to prioritise their family life over career. But ironically, child free people get pressure the other way a lot, so you can't win. Therefore, do what feels right. You're only 39 (so am I), realistically you've got another 25 years to work so don't fret too much.

Helbelle17 · 15/12/2019 11:23

I'm with you on this one. I was doing very well in my career and on track to progress further. I had our dd at 41, and when I went back to work, I went back 2 days a week and took a step down.
I'm really pleased I did. I love the time with our dd, she benefits from being at the childminder when I'm at work, and I do really enjoy my job.
I'm expecting number 2 in May, and will probably go back 3 days a week when I return and that will probably be enough for me.
Career is quite low on my priority list, and family is everything.

1300cakes · 15/12/2019 11:23

I think it's normal, but keep in mind you haven't gone back yet. At the end of my mat leave I was dreading going back, really dreading it. But once I was back, I found it just fine. And I don't love my job or anything, but working has made my life more balanced.

Also, going back coincided with my easy, snuggly baby turning in to a crazy, active one year old. Who of course is still good fun, but a lot more tiring. I loved mat leave but I'm not sure that I would enjoy being a sahp to a toddler. He is part time at nursery and that is a good balence for both of us.

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crosser62 · 15/12/2019 11:33

Oh normal, totally normal.

That said, I was professionally derailed by my second child and have had to start from scratch.

Top of my game, worked long hours, absolutely loved my job but unexpectedly discovered I was pregnant at 42 with my second.
For a million and one reasons we were absolutely thrilled and delighted and couldn’t believe our luck.
Then reality hit on me going back to my beloved job (23 years I had been there) and we just could not afford the childcare costs.
Plus I just didn’t want to hand this miracle over to someone 5 days a week and give them money we don’t have, I wanted to do it.

It’s a few years on and I’m fighting my way back and not going to lie, I didn’t care then, I so do now. It’s not fair and it’s bloody tough going.

Selfsettling3 · 15/12/2019 12:04

Completely normal but you haven’t been at work for a long time and things might change when you getting into the swing of it.

JuneSpoon · 15/12/2019 12:13

Totally normal. I actually gave up my very stable comfortable job when I had DS to go part time, contract work. Couldn't have cared less about my job but it was very important to me pre DC. I had a pregnancy loss first pregnancy and that's when I stopped caring about my job. Now that I'm on my second year part time I'm more ready to go back to full time maybe next year

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