First time mum - help!!!

[pfffft]

I'm a first time mum to a 14 week DD and I think I have done everything wrong in terms of getting into bad habits

I won't go into all of them, but the main one is feeding to sleep. My DD now will not sleep unless she's fed to sleep. I don't mind doing this, however she suffers from colic and it just further upsets her reflux/wind. I BF.

Please can people share how they broke the habit? At the moment she just screams for hours whilst we walk round with her

I’m sorry to hear your DD is suffering from colic. I haven’t had personal experience with that but I would say that feeding your baby to sleep is not a bad habit. It is perfectly normal for a baby to feed to sleep so please don’t be worried or concerned about doing this.

However, perhaps you can find some other ways to help her sleep which don’t upset her further. Have you tried rocking her in your arms/in a rocking chair or bouncing her on a ball? We have to rock our 4.5 month old twins to sleep and have recently brought a cheap nursing rocking chair on
Ebay which is marvellous. One of us can now rock both twins at the same time which makes a massive difference because they are around 18lbs and 20lbs.

Have you also tried something to help with her colic? Perhaps gripe water, dentinox or colief? Our twins didn’t have colic but suffered with trapped wind. Infacol and gripe water really helped.

@TwinMum89 thanks for responding! I try walking her around/swaying to light music etc and that can sometimes work for the morning nap, but by the afternoon naps/bedtime it's so much harder to get her to sleep and it doesn't work, she just cries and cries, after an hour + she might just give up/pass out, but it's so gut wrenching to put her through it. Rocking chair is a good idea though, I wonder if she'd take to it... 🤔

We use gripe water, Infacol, colic drops and gaviscon.. I'm hoping she grows out of it soon!!

Another one here saying I don't think it's a bad habit.

Things change as they get older (I have 3 children) and I think the phrase 'getting into bad habits' needs to be taken out of circulation. I think the phrase 'ah fuck it, this works for me and baby' is best - and just know that the 'this' of 'this works' changes all the time, so just stay open minded and flexible and if anyone says 'ooh you're making a rod for own back' or 'ooh don't get into bad habits' just smile and nod and merrily carry on as you are. :)

Sorry to hear about the colic though. :(

PS if my username looks weird, it's because when I name changed I just hit random keys and they're the ones I hit! Haha. X

@grasukdesim haha I think it has a certain ring to it!

I do agree with you, and genuinely wouldn't mind feeding to sleep, but I do think its starting to affect her colic and make it worse, which in turn disturbs her sleep and we get an overtired, uncomfortable baby. Our evenings usually consist of hours of crying. My mental health is taking a bit of a hit and I just want her to be relaxed and get the amount of sleep she needs. I hear of babies being put down awake, cooing and slowly falling asleep with a smile on their faces.. I want this for her! At the moment it is literally the total opposite!!

To add.. it also means she ends up sleeping on me all night. She wakes as soon as I put her down and basically wants to be on/next to my nipple.. again I think if I stopped feeding to sleep, it may help with this...

She is a tiny baby. She is supposed to be fed to sleep. She just wants comfort from her mum. She will grow out of it when she's ready. Forget what you're told you're supposed to be doing and do what feels natural for you and your baby.

I agree, she's tiny - feed her to sleep. Worry about bad habits when she's nearer a year old but not right now

Do you have a sling? I found my wrap sling invaluable in the early months when he was unsettled. He definitely liked being wrapped up tight and snug. Even now at 9 months I often put my dressing gown on and wrap him up in it with me, a bit like being in a sling, and he loves it. He seems to find being ‘pinned in’ soothing, as he always settles much better.

Not a bad habit.

Is it definatey colic? I was told colic for my dd, then reflux, then she was diagnosed with milk allergy.

My first had colic, you have my complete sympathy. Please don't think you've done anything wrong.

I had the same experience, so at about this age I tried to get him into the EASY rhythm - eat, active, sleep, you time (haha). He cried 10 mins before every nap, and needed swinging/white noise/swaddling too, he was just a bad napper. Grew out of it though, not through anything I did or didn't do.

There are websites explaining EASY and how long a baby should be awake for at different ages - overtiredness might be part of it too. I found it suited my baby, I hope it works for you.

Have you tried a dummy? The sucking motion is calming, if you are sure they have had enough milk, try a dummy. The witching hour is awful, you are battling to get a meal ready, eating your meal, baby is screaming, you are tired & want to have some peace. Have you thought of expressing milk so someone else could feed them, maybe by gently breaking the bond that only you can feed may help. If you think it is reflux, see your health visitor, it may mean changing to formula feeding to be able to use the thicker milk but if it helps settle them it would be worth it.

I felt the same when my ds was that age. Felt like I was doing everything wrong and 'spoiling' him. But because of the colic it felt impossible to leave him to self soothe.
If he wasn't feeding to sleep, I had to hold his dummy in for him until he drifted off.
The colic settled down around 3 months and I started giving him a bit of rice at 4 months (big baby and I just knew he was starving). A few nights after starting the rice he slept all night (9 til 7) after previously waking every 2 hours.

When he was 5 months I tried putting him in his crib for naps during the day, he still couldn't hold in his dummy but found his thumb quite quickly and got himself to sleep. I think it was easier because he was older but all the 'bad habits' are now gone.

Colic is awful and so hard on a parents mental health. Just do whatever you need to do to get through it, really don't worry about what you think are bad habits.

Dummy and routine helped me. I got into a routine very early based on EASY but more like AESY so I would feed before sleep but once full the dummy would be the sleep comforter.

Thanks for all the responses! For those saying feeding to sleep isn't a bad habit and to continue. I do agree that feeding to sleep shouldn't be a problem, but as I think it agitates her colic, that's the reason I'm looking to try to stop it (or at least not do it as much)

For those suggesting a dummy - I've tried every type under the sun, done every method to try to get her to take it and she hates it. I tried from when she was three days old and recently gave up on it.

@babycatcher411 yes she loves the sling/baby carrier during the day, its how I get her to do decent naps as she can't be put down. Because she cries so much at night, if I wrap her up, she gets boiling hot and angry, and when I've tried to swaddle she gets irate.. I don't understand it at all..

@anon2000000000 I've been to the GP twice and they've said both times it's colic and not reflux, and they haven't entertained a milk allergy.. what can I do to find out if she has one? I've cut dairy out of my diet to try to help.

@UniversalTruth I've looked up EASY and it does seem a nice relaxed way of implementing a bit of a routine. I expect it'll start with a lot of rocking/swinging! I'm a soft touch and find it hard not to feed her when I know she wants the comfort, but I'll try it out!

@Deckthehallswith I keep trying to put her thumb near/in her mouth.. hopefully she'll find it soon! I was always told colic would settle by 3 months, but at 14 weeks it's almost getting worse, and i feel terrible for her (and us). I constantly think I'm making it worse, and see other very happy babies in routines and wonder why we've struggled so much.

My daughter’s colic persisted beyond the ‘normal’ 12 weeks. I think by the time she was about 16/17 weeks it was starting to get a lot better. I fed to sleep then and only managed to break the habit a week ago (she’s about to turn two!). I tried so hard at that age to stop the feeding to sleep for the same reasons as you but nothing worked.

I did find that burping her mid feed helped a lot and also being religious with the infacol. Once we found the tiger in the tree hold and starting walking round and round holding her like that it also got a lot better.

I really feel for you because it was so hard at the time. She would just scream and everyone told me it should be getting better yet it wasn’t.

Is her latch good and has she been checked for tongue tie? My daughter had a tongue tie that wasn’t found until she was 8 weeks and that was actually causing some of the issues because she was taking in a lot of air as she was feeding. Once it was snipped we did see an improvement as well.

I really recommend EASY too I used to read the Tracey Hogg Baby Whisper books (although this was 16 years ago so may be seen as outdated).

My LO has severe reflux and cmpa, and developed a feeding aversion which meant he only fed while drowsy or asleep until 8 months old. Now at almost 11 months, I'm finally tackling the feeding to sleep, which is going really well after only a few days, because he's showing he doesnt need to now. We've also only just implemented a bed time routine for the same reason (and while he no longer sleeps exclusively upright on me, we're still co sleeping for now...)

Dont rush. Feed to sleep if that's what your LO needs, it wont be forever.

My first child cried non stop, wouldn't be put down and had to be held constantly (night and day) until she was 9 months. It was horrendous! We were told it was Colic and Reflux but it turned out to be a Lactose Intolerance which the HV was adamant it was it not.

You would feed her, wind her then she would scream in pain the wee soul, you could actually feel the wind moving through her body then she eventually did a pig pump and you could feel her whole body relax. Then next feed it all happened again .

A friend worked in a hospital and did some asking about as we were on our knees and a paediatrician said deffo Lactose Intolerance. So we went out and bought Lactose Free Formula and 3 days she slept right through!! She is now 16 and still is ill if she drinks too much Tea with milk in it.

My second child was exactly the same, we gave it 3 weeks but he was exactly the same and we switched his milk and never looked back.

Sorry for the long post but I think what I'm trying to say is ask the HV, the doc and as many people as you can for help and advice and most of all trust your gut.

Sending you a huge hug, it's horrible watching them be in pain and exhausting not being able to put them down. xxx

Thank you for the posts so far, and so sorry for those who had/have babies with colic, it's so soul destroying and horrible for them. I'm definitely going to look into Lactose free formula and EASY. I'll also chat to the HV although I emailed them a few times with no response this week, I'll try to give them a call.