Whether to lend my pregnant BF all baby stuff

[Zenlifeforme]

I have a pre-toddler. Have saved all the stuff for a second (want another but want a bit of a gap).
One of my best friends is pregnant. I want to lend her all our stuff, as she is dear to me and because I want to help.
The thing is she admitted to me the other day she is dead forgetful and dappy with material items (she lost a toys of ours). I can write an inventory and also take a pic of all the stuff I lend her. But it makes me nervous I won’t get it back....

Having just gone through the first year myself I know how much of a mind blow it is. I wouldn’t remember if people had lent me stuff.
I borrowed a load of maternity clothes and found it dead stressful finding all the items to give back as well as washing all the food stains out, felt at the time I’d rather have just not borrowed stuff and made do.
I know with big things it will be easier for my mate to return them, but with smaller items (mat clothes, all the breast pump bits, all the baby clothes but also sheer number of random things like bath chairs, steam steriliser etc) I think it will be the same scenario as my mat clothes palaver, she won’t remember what is mine and what isn’t.
How do people manage this kind of thing?
We are very open and honest with each other, so I will have this chat with her and see what she thinks, but I just wanted to sound out here first, in case there is something I hadn’t thought of, a way I can lend her stuff to help but also get it back. Or to offer a diff perspective on it....

I wish I could just ‘let it go’ and trust it will come back, but we aren’t made of money either so it’s hard to be free with things when you know you won’t be able to replace some if they went walkies.....

Thanks

I wouldn't lend mat clothes and breast pump as surely you want them in good condition?

For the other items I'd just say she is more than welcome to use them but needs to return or replace them in time for you to reuse.

Seems fair

You either give it away, or keep it. Never lend.

Don't do it. You know you won't get them back.

I’ve been on both side of things and didn’t enjoy borrowing things from people that wanted the stuff back as I felt a bit paranoid about keeping track of stuff, for my second pregnancy I declined things that people wanted back (this was the little things like baby clothes). I have also lent a lot of stuff to my sister and sister in law with the intention of wanting the big stuff back pram, crib etc. I would therefore say that lend the big stuff that she will know you lent her and don’t lend her any small stuff that you would hate not to get back. Essentially you may not get everything back so just be selective with what you lend out. Some baby clothes and even maternity clothes may not last so just be prepared that whatever you lend you may not get back. And if you do lend anything make it clear you want it back otherwise they may sell/dispose of the items after they have used it.

I personally wouldn’t lend clothes & expect them back in the same condition. Babies are sick & wee & poo and then wean and get food everywhere. They’ll get stained & wash worn. If you have things you aren’t bothered about having back, that’ll be kind! My daughter often wears second hand clothes from eBay or friends!

Bigger items, just write down what you’ve lent.. you are unlikely to forget about Moses baskets, sterilisers, baby baths etc.. and it would be bizarre for your friend to lose these!

Toys are more lose-able. Especially ones to be taken out the house. Things like a chair bouncer, pretty impossible to lose. A teddy bear, easy to lose. I’m quite anal about toys having all their parts & being clean so I probably would lend anyone toys but again, I’d be happy to donate those I don’t want anymore!

To be honest, you’ll probably find your friend wants to buy new things and not have everything second hand. I know I did with my first. Certainly for the bigger items. I’d not go into the conversation assuming she’ll want everything you offer to lend, as kind as it is! Don’t take that bit personally!

I lent stuff to a family member and is coming back now with quite a lot of wear and tear. We were lucky and or baby was rarely sick or had exploding nappies so everything was as good as new. However their baby was the opposite so items have had much more washing and stains that haven't come out. It's just something to consider as well as the possibility of not getting back there condition it is returned in.

To track the items we set up a separate WhatsApp group only used for discussing the items to ensure there was a trace.

If you want another baby give things away that you didn't like or need and keep the rest.

Do not lend anything you want back - things can get broken, clothes get more worn and therefore unwearable again, and you'll end up resenting her. If you have items you genuinely don't care if you don't see them again then lend them. Otherwise take heed of her own warning and don't give her anything.

Never lend, especially to scatty friends - it’s so stressful for both of you. I never borrow stuff on that basis & the few times I made the mistake of lending I regretted it (especially when I saw our very expensive & in ‘good used condition’ cot on a Facebook selling site!). Either give or buy as a gift if you can - not worth the potential future issues imo.

Don’t loan anything to her, you know you won’t get it back in perfect condition as even without her being scatty, babies are messy and not everything will last for a third use by your future second. A second hand breast pump isn’t worth the inevitable hit to the friendship. Buy her a lovely present, only gift her things that you know you won’t want to use again and help her out practically when the baby arrives if you can.

Don’t lend! You give away once you are finished having children but don’t give anything you can’t afford not to get back

Is she asking for things?

thanks all. I don’t want to to affect my friendship so I’ll think hard before I get the stuff together that I’ll lend 😊

Personally if it's your friends first I wouldn't bother chances are she will have family lining up to want to buy something for the baby and she and her partner will also want to buy for the baby.

I say this as my BF went to lend me some of the big items like playmat baby swing bouncer and in the end we ended up buying our own as one I didn't want the stress of accidentally damaging the items and I also wanted new as I knew I'd also want another child which I have had and currently my DD is and has been using all her big brothers stuff.

As you have said you too want another child eventually I would personally keep those items for your own child as by time you come to having another after lending them they maybe over worn and then cost you in having to re buy the items.
You can pick up half the stuff so cheap these days specially with supermarkets doing deals why not ask your friend if she would like you to purchase something for the baby instead as a gift like bouncer or play mat etc

I guess ask yourself what the issue is if you don't get things back. Is it that they have sentimental value and it's important for you to keep that specific item? If so, don't lend to anyone. If it's the cost of replacing, could you sell a bundle to her and then buy back when she has finished if in satisfactory condition/ not lost? Will still be cheaper for her than buying new. Agree about different babies being different - I had two 'happy sicker' babies who puked copiously over everything and anything. I definitely wouldn't have wanted to borrow anything that someone wanted back in pristine condition!

I wouldn't lend any mat clothes or baby clothes if you genuinely want them back. They'll suffer too much wear and tear etc. Maybe pick a few items and given to your friend instead.

Stuff like sterilisers, bath chair etc I might, being very clear I wanted them back if that was the case. Then if she loses, she replaces. But there's normally plenty of people around who are willing to give this kind of stuff away.

My friend and I lend each other baby stuff back and forth. Neither of us give back absolutely everything but we do our best and as far as I know neither of us care! If there's anything you REALLY don't want to risk, just don't lend it! Anything that you could let go if need be, do!

Bad bad idea. Why does she need your baby things anyway? Is she low on funds?