When to try for baby 2

[cupoftea84]

DH and I have an adorable but hyper 13 month old. DS doesn't sleep through yet and I still breast feed most bed times and several times through the night.
We both work full time.

We're having some work done on the house hopefully next year and then we'll have room for another child.

Would we be mad to start trying in January? If it worked straight away they'd only be a 2 year age gap.

I'm mid 30s with a couple of health issues so starting to try sooner rather than later seems sensible.

Any thoughts on the age gap, practicalities etc?

Do you work OP- could you afford another mat leave or further childcare? There’s pros and cons to all age gaps so focus on the practicalities

Not mad at all. Just be aware you could fall first month, we took 5 months seriously trying for dd. We then decided to go for a second and got pregnant first time- we were a bit shocked to be honest! 2 years 5 months age difference here. Perfect.

I have DD1 (6 months) and am hoping to have a 2 year age gap between her and a sibling. We made this decision based mainly on wanting them to be close in age so they will hopefully play together, and because a 2 year gap will mean that DD1 will move onto free nursery hours as DC2 starts nursery (if I take a year for mat leave) so we won’t have to pay for two nursery places.

Considering your age I'd go for it op.

If you plan to go back to work, can you afford two in nursery? And would you prefer to coast on through or do you need a break and to get some sleep again and some time for yourself first?

We have a 5 year gap between ours (youngest born when I was 37). I wanted my first one to be close to starting school before we tried as we couldn’t afford to have two in nursery at the same time. I also really enjoyed having a couple years of quality sleep first and some time to be an adult again (no bf, date nights, weekends away, focus on my career, etc). For me, that made a big difference but I have friends who just preferred to get on with it.

We could afford 2 in childcare, it'd be hard but it's doable.
I'd probably take 9 months mat leave, 6 of which would be paid and DH would do 3 months shared parental leave unpaid.
It'd be an easier decision if DS was sleeping better.
Thanks for your replies.

I have read that, according to scientists, the lowest age gap between siblings should be 27 months. However, I've seen loads of people on here who've found themselves pregnant before then and they love the smaller age gap. Gets all the milestones out of the way and the siblings are usually really close.

I'd recommend reading Sarah Ockwell-Smith's Second Baby book. It's a brilliant read and has helped give me some sort of sense of direction whilst we prepare to become a family of 4.

Very personal call I think.. I couldn’t even consider it until my little one was two. Not a good sleeper & I enjoyed having a year or so of my life a bit more back to normal. For me, I wanted a year back at work & to just enjoy my daughter as she’ll never be an only one again! And for her to be a bit more independent. And hopefully less tantrums! There’ll be just under 3 years between them.

But I think a two year age gap is very common! If you can afford it financially & you want too, then go for it! Things will fall into place, there’ll be no choice

Mine are 27 months apart. I feel like practically everyone I know has a very similar age gap - around 2-2.5 years. It’s definitely hard work, but you’ll make it work

My eldest turned 3 years old, 3months after 2nd was born. They are now 8/10 and get on so so well. Have similar interests, watch mostly same stuff on tv etc.. for me it was perfect age gap.

It’s a personal choice! And impossible to know when you will fall pregnant. Good luck

Mine are 22 months apart, I'd say get TTC! All the craziness, sleepless nights etc is over quicker!

I say go for it op! You'd have a good nine months to get your dc sleeping through the night, my dc wasn't sleeping through at 13 months but by about 15/16 months was doing... And if they're not, well you'll be back to sleepless nights with baby anyway.
It took a year trying for ds1 but fell pregnant during the first cycle trying for dc2. If all goes to plan there will be two and a half years between them. I didn't want to put it off too long as I'm also mid thirties. Good luck!

My DC1 and DC2 are 22 months apart. I think it's a nice gap - the older one is too young to get jealous of the baby. Any my DC2 is a better sleeper than DC1 which helped!

It took 5 months to get pregnant with ds1 (proper trying, tracking ovulation etc) so assumed it would take a similar amount of time when it came to conceiving baby number 2. It didn’t, I got pregnant straight away and ds1 was only 10 months when I found out. I was a bit worried but they change so quickly at that age, a 9 month pregnancy makes a world of difference and it has been fine for us with an 18 month gap.

I'm currently pregnant with number 2. I have a very active 14 month old and don't know how I'm going to cope with 2 under 2; he'll be 21 months when baby 2 arrives! I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that number 2 is easier than my son. He was incredibly difficult from the day he was born. Sometimes I think I'm mad for going through all this again so soon... but I know i want 2 kids, and we figured we may as well get the tough baby years out of the way asap, and that way I can focus on my career again sooner, rather than knowing I'll be taking maternity leave again at some point!

20 months and love it. It's been tricky at times, but it's really worked for us. At 20 months she wasn't old enough to resent a baby, but old enough to not need 100 percent attention.
Trickiest bit was the gap between eldest starting school and youngest starting daily preschool. Youngest really missed her sister.

I have a 3 year age gap and for me, it's perfect.

The DDs are close enough in age to play together, share similar interests (have the same hobby) and so they are just really good friends. They always have been. At 16 and 13, they still have the occasional sleepover together in one or the other's bedroom. Yet, there's enough age difference that they don't really compete with each other (despite DD1 being Uber competitive). They recognise that there's enough difference in age to take off some of that competition. I don't think they would get on so well if they were any closer in age, as I think DD1 would try to compete too much.

When they were little, it was also perfect because Dd1 was out of nappies by the time we had DD2. I only needed one lot of childcare at a time, and DD1 was able help with DD2 (fetch nappies etc..)

But, it is as they get older that I'm really starting to appreciate it. DD1 is now going through her GCSEs and DD2 is in year 8. DD2 neither wants or needs us at the moment, which is great because DD1 is really needing that extra support with her GCSEs. I'm glad I won't have both of them going through exams at the same time... I think the stress would kill me! And finally, I won't have to fund both through uni at the same time. DD1 will have finished by the time DD2 goes.

No age is perfect, and children won't necessarily be closer because they are close in age. In fact, two siblings I know who absolutely hate each other and have the worst sibling rivalry are just 13 months apart. Whether children get on is much more down to interests and gender than age.

So I really wouldn't base it on that, instead think about the other factors - can you afford two in childcare? What about when they go to school? Will they be sharing a room (closer age gap is probably more helpful to cut down on amount of toys if that's the case) etc...

Op my dd is now 22 months and only started sleeping better at 20 months .. as soon as I got a week of sleep I wanted another 🤣 so we are trying for #2 now

All gaps have pros and cons, but here are some of the ones I found (almost exactly 2 years between my two).

Pros:

• the big one soon forgets they were ever an only, so minimal jealousy
• hopefully the big one will still nap when the baby arrives, so you can get them to nap at the same time and have a little rest!
• you’re still in the young child stage, so it’s not a shock to go back to/carry on with nappies and sleepless nights
• they enjoy the same things, so no older one saying the pro is boring or no little one that can’t join in with older child activities.
• as they get older they are super cute together. Mine are 4 and 2 now and adorable when they play together. They fight too, but they have a lovely relationship.

Cons:

• big one is really still a baby, so won’t understand why you can’t play with them all the time eg. When feeding the baby
• the first six months were utterly exhausting. But that might have just been adding another baby, rather than the age gap.
• childcare for 2 little ones was unaffordable for us. Luckily we are in a position where I’ve been able to take a career break, but it would have been financially very difficult had we not made some changes.