Feeling judged for having a DS and not DD

[Biscuitsandteaplease]

My DS is the only male out of 5 grandchildren/nieces, all of my friends with children, strangely, have girls and another has just announced a girl pregnancy yesterday

I'm not sure they mean to be thoughtless but it's starting to feel like they are all in little clubs and that I am not included because I have a son. For example, if we're having a coffee morning they share how excited they are to do 'girlie' things together such as ballet and that their children will automatically be well behaved, best friends for life because they are all girls - side jokes at me how I will not get to share such joy as my little boy is destined for life as a delinquent purely because he is male. He is already excluded and he's only a few months old.

With Christmas here, I have started to notice more and more that friends and family are relieved to be buying more of 'girl' related toys over the 'boy' ones and with it conversations of how pleased they are to have daughters and how horrified they would have been if they had had a son.

It has made me far more sensitive to this attitude in general and am now noticing it more with celebrities on TV as well etc etc - how having a girl to spoil with pink, girlie items is the dream and a boy would be somehow second best.

It's probably just me but I was wondering if anyone else has noticed this or felt the same? I'm starting to feel pretty alone without anyone to share this feeling with around me. I had been feeling chuffed to have a little boy after growing up in an all-female household rife with issues but now feeling pretty self-conscious

You need to expand your social circle OP- they sound v odd. I have a very active 2 year old girl, currently sitting next to me in dungarees watching hey duggee. Later we might play with a toy farm or go to the park. We have a mix of boy/ girls friends The same age, they all like peppa pig, colouring, the park -our neighbours son fav program is my little pony. The idea of there being obvious segregation at this age is bizarre

I have one of both, my son is so much more affectionate than his sister, even at the age of eight I still get lot's of cuddles, i know a lot of other parents of boys who say the same that they are more affectionate.

I would be annoyed about the boys and girls toys both my children played with dolls, blocks, cars, lego, playmobil etc my son wore fairy wings. My son behaves no worse than his sister, is actually is tidier and much more likey to offer help with the houswork than his sister.

Yes they are different but that is more due to personality I think than their gender.

I agree, def get out there & meet some more mums! I have a daughter (and a second on the way) but I despise the idea of her conforming a certain way because she’s a girl. I’ve actively bought none gendered toys in terms of colour & allowed her to play with whatever she likes. She’s currently obsessed with dinosaurs, cars, unicorns & dolls.. so I feel like I’ve done something right 😄 I offered her the choice of ballet, gymnastics or toddler football & she chose gym, which she loves. Lots of climbing and trampolines! She loves nothing more than splashing in muddy puddles & going for walks in her wellies & puddlesuit.

I don’t do anything with my daughter cos she a girl. I follow her interests. And I always will. My group of mum friends has a total mix of boys & girls and while there are def girlier girl mums, there’s no exclusion or judging.

You enjoy your son 🧡 little boys are super lovely! I’m sad I’ll never have one! Maybe have a chat to a couple of your closer friends & explain how you feel.. it’s not nice to feel left out!

Why can’t your DS do ballet?

Even if your son doesn’t want to ballet do their girls not go to a park ....odd!

His sex didn't stop Jamie Bell doing ballet at a young age. I would consider trying to pull away and meet new people if they are like that before the children are old enough to.understand. I hope they don't pass their views on to their daughters

DS is actually quite well behaved compared to many 2 year olds.
He can go to ballet if he wants to. He can drive a tractor if he wants. If he asks for pink stuff, I'll put aside my own personal dislike and buy it.

He and I bake together, he loves cuddling up.

I was actually quite relieved when I saw he was a boy when born to be honest. I find them easier personally

Your friends are a bunch of sexist pricks and I feel sorry for their daughters.

I think you need to mix with different people! I have never encountered that attitude from anyone!

I don’t think your friends can be very bright. If only girls were born the human race wouldn’t last very long. I’m also guessing that they have male partners or used sperm donation to get pregnant. Would happen without boys being born.

Yeah your friends are dumb as rocks. Boys are amazing, just as girls are - and they’re all individuals.

Your numbnut pals are already squeeeeeezing those poor kids into restricting stereotypes.

Breeze through it. Boys are awesome

Just wait til their perfect girls develop personality, my DD hates ballet and plays with all the boys at nursery, wants cars for Christmas. Shes ace. Honestly I'd ignore the smug mums of girls (smog), and focus on amazing boy

Just in response to this: "For example, if we're having a coffee morning they share how excited they are to do 'girlie' things together such as ballet "

My son does ballet. There were two boys in his class this term.

As a PP said, your friends are being sexist.

Definitely get some other friends. I have boys who are now teenagers and we do loads together. One likes shopping and the loves nothing more than a trip out for coffee and cake. My friend has girls the same age as my boys and it's a hotbed of hormone driven dramatics. I'd take having boys any day!

I had two boys and really noticed this too. It did make me feel sad. BUT my boys were much calmer than the girls generally and were less boisterous etc. My eldest has turned into such a typical boy, football, sport and computers but he is always my go to when it comes getting clothes advice and loves coming for a coffee with me, or cuddling to watch a film. My best friend had two girls and when we went on holiday it was only my son joining in having an adult conversation with us.

I now have a girl but I can seriously say my boys are fantastic !

Ignore your friends and enjoy your son x

DD1 and DD2 have opposing personalities. DS1 is somewhere in between.

Are the friends and relatives PFBs?
Still tiny?
Like little dolls?

Oh there’s nothing like cuddles from your boy. Mine’s 12 and still homes in for a cuddle daily.
Tomorrow we’re going to our local posh cafe for coconut milk hot chocolate and cake. My daughter will be at karate. ( she’s great too, but she’s to busy conquering the great outdoors for cuddles).

someone needs to watch billy Elliott

I agree with all of the boys doing ballet comments, one of the reasons I was so offended to be honest!!

@MadameButterfingers they range from 6 months to almost 3 so by no means tiny anymore! Sadly, do all seem to conform to stereotypes though - I was hoping the older ones might have started to insist on playing football or something but there is still time! 

They really are narrow minded, I think I knew that anyway but seeing it written down helps me see how bad the things they've said are. I think distance from the friends and developing a thick skin from the family is probably a good idea..

@MotorwayDiva I love smog, I will be remembering that for those types!

I guess I'll always feel a bit excluded/they're in a club without me (in the family) given that they don't have boys, are clearly exceptionally relieved about it and are now finished having children now, so I'll have to remember to feel sorry for them for not having the joy of a son! I hope that in the very little time we have to spend with them during the year, he proves them very wrong.