Newborn sleeping troubles

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I’m struggling to get my 1 week old baby to go down on a night. He will sleep most of the day or majority of the day but as soon as it gets to 11pm he is wide awake.

I will feed him till he’s full or drifted back off and then lower him back into his Moses but he never stays asleep. I know this is part and parcel of having a newborn and they are confused with day and night but I’m just so tired.

I have taken to taking him downstairs (so my dp can get some sleep as he is back to work now) and have ended up with him falling asleep on my chest when I’m laid flat and I have gone to sleep myself. I know I shouldn’t be doing this but sometimes this is the only way I can get him to settle and for myself to get some uninterrupted slee even if it’s just an hour.
I have put him in his car seat to sleep before as well. I feel bad about it because I know it’s not safe but I can’t help but feel like it’s safer having him fall asleep against my chest or in his car seat rather than sat up with me and me potentially falling asleep and dropping him.

My partner came downstairs morning and gave me a look asif to say I have told you about having him sleep on your chest and I felt like snapping because although this is new to me, I’m just so tired and I will do what I need to do to get him to settle down so I can get some sleep too. The deal with me and dp is that I do the week days and he will do the weekends. He hasn’t done a weekend yet, this weekend will be the first one and I nearly said to him well when you cant get him to settle and your absolutely shattered the next day, times that by 7 days and then come back to me and give me judging looks.

I try and nap during the day when he is asleep but he will either stir and wake up or I just can’t get to sleep myself or there’s appointments I need to attend or the house needs cleaning. I’ve said no to visitors for now purely because I need some uninterrupted time.

I have spoken with the midwife and she’s assured me that this is completely normal and will probably last a few months. I am breastfeeding but I feel like packing it in and giving him a bottle of formular to see if this will help him sleep for longer periods.

Anyone have any tips on how I can keep him more stimulated during a day time so he’s more tired come night time?

There's no evidence formula helps babies sleep and then you just have the faff of buying formula, making bottles up and sterilising stuff.

Do you have other children? Can you sleep in the day when the baby sleeps?

A good tip to help with day and night is to keep the house dark and quiet at night when you can (low lamps for nappy changes etc) and bright and loud in the day. It also helps to get them out and about during the day if you can, either in a sling or pram.

What time is your husband out the house in the morning? Can he have the baby between say, 5.30am and 7. 30am before he starts getting ready so you can get a couple of hours. He can also prep a sandwich for your lunch so you don't need to when you're on your own.

Same thing for the evening. Can you go to sleep at 7.30pm/8pm and he stays up with the baby until 11pm so you can sleep for a few hours before the night shift starts?

Like you say, it'll only be a few weeks and then it'll settle down.

Him being at work doesn't mean it's 100% on you 24 hours a day, 5 days a week. He is only at work for 9 hours a day I imagine.

One final thing: if you do 100% of the parenting Mon to Fri when it comes to the weekend, you are going to end up doing more Sat and Sun as he won't necessarily understand how to settle the baby and the baby won't be used to him and so will scream and then he'll pass him to you as you'll be able to get him quiet and settled. By getting him involved in the week, he is going to understand what works and what doesn't and you'll more likely get some rest at the weekends too

Please don't fall asleep with him on you, I know you need sleep but it's so risky.

Try splitting the night with your dp. Get yourself to bed at around 7pm and then swap at 12. He might loose a bit of sleep but he should still be ok for work. If that means needing to use a bit of formula, do it. You can always drop it when you are up to expressing or baby is sleeping longer.
Also if you can avoid going downstairs with the baby in the night you will establish night time/day time sooner, so maybe your dp could go elsewhere to sleep or just get him some earplugs and an eye mask!

He does help during the week I meant like when the baby wakes up and doing midnight nappy changes. He had him for a couple of hours last night whilst I had a long soak in the bath and did a few beauty bits just to make me feel more human.

I know I won’t get this time with my baby again so I’m trying to enjoy it but I’m finding it so hard to enjoy being shattered all the time.

Dp starts work at 6

Your post take me right back; those first newborn days are hellish aren't they? For the first week or so, DS wouldn't sleep anywhere that wasn't on someone which I know is normal but dear god it's exhausting. Is there anyway your DP can take more paternity leave / time off? We used to supervise each other sleeping. If not, can he take the baby when he gets back from work or in the mornings so you can get a couple of hours? It will make the world of difference.

I'm sure it's annoying to be told that it will get better but it really will. DS is 4 months now and has slept through for a while. For what it's worth, we did end up switching to FF after about a week for a variety of reasons and DS did start sleeping better almost immediately but I was never very passionate about BF so it could just have been a coincidence.

Oh and also, screw the house cleaning and any non-essential appointments. The world will not end! Even if you don't sleep when the baby naps during the day, having some chill out time will help I'm sure.

I think the Mon-Fri / Weekend split isn't going to work. When your DP comes home in an evening, he needs to give you a break for a few hours. Also how is he going to do 100% care of a breastfed baby for 2 days? Surely it'll still be mostly on you as you'll be taking the baby to feed constantly

Co sleeping works well if you do it safely. Never on a sofa, all pillows, duvets down etc. Have a look on the safe sleeping website.

At the moment your baby will only want to sleep on/next to you because they feel scared and unsafe anywhere else. It’s all totally normal.

Soon their circadian rhythm will kick in and they’ll get the hang of day and night. Just grit your teeth, ignore the housework and enjoy the cuddles till then. Good luck

Why not cosleep in bed and DP go downstairs. Its so dangerous with a baby that small to sleep with them on a sofa or on your chest. Whereas it's perfectly possible to cosleep safely in a bed. There are some guidelines here cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/
and here: www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

The second link says sleeping with baby on sofa increases sids risk by 50 times. I'm a bit shocked your partner would let you and the baby come out of bed over him to be honest! The options aren't just moses basket or sofa.

Stop trying to enjoy it. If you enjoy it then that’s great, but you’re allowed to absolutely hate being more sleep deprived than you’ve ever experienced! Don’t beat yourself up for not enjoying it- I learnt that one the hard way!!

Also please don’t fall asleep with baby on your chest. I know it’s tempting and often the best way they settle, but it is so risky. If you’re breastfeeding then look into safe bed sharing and how to feed laid down. It has saved my sanity with both kids and it doesn’t have to be forever, nor is it making a rod for your own back. If you don’t have other children to look after I would try to get some sleep during the day when baby sleeps. The housework can wait and you’ll be better prepared for appointments if you’re not knackered. Also visitors may be a good thing. I’m not saying invite the whole world round, but someone might be willing to come and rock/bounce/jiggle/walk the baby round or you whilst you either get on with the housework or have a sleep etc.

You have my sympathies, it is brutal but it really won’t last forever. Even though it feels like it!!

It won't necessarily last months, after about 3 weeks my DS figured out what was night time. He still woke every 2 hours for a feed and change but he went back down in his basket .

Have you tried : white noise? Get the baby sleep app. It's fantastic. Have you tried swaddling baby?

It will get easier , you are doing an amazing job. Don't stop bf just because you want baby to sleep longer. You will add more stress to your day with washing bottles, sterilising, making bottles etc.

As for keeping the house clean? Just do the basics. As long as you are rested that's all that matters.

It will get easier and it won't last forever. I promise. X

Safer co-sleeping saved me. Look it up- it'll always be statistically more risky than putting them in their own bed but far less risky than falling asleep with them on a chair.

Oh, and sleep when baby sleeps during the day- let the house go to rack and ruin and tell your partner to pull his weight.

I would also recommend sage co-sleeping. Falling asleep holding a baby on a sofa or armchair is not safe, but you already know this.

Baby needs to reverse his body clock. Make daytime feeds bright, light and interactive. Nights are quiet, low lights, minimal talking. Make a clear difference between the two.

I had a bedside crib / cot for all 4 of mine and it was an absolute life saver.

Do you have another bed? I would strongly suggest DP goes to another bed and you stay in the bedroom with the baby in case you fall asleep. Cosleeping on a sofa and baby sleeping in a car seat (at night/while you're asleep) are both high risk whereas cosleeping in a bed is low risk if guidelines are followed. Sure, not as low in risk as baby sleeping in a cot or moses basket, but we're talking about reducing the risk from what's happening now.

Unfortunately it is normal and is likely to last several months. So it would be worth finding a safer solution than what's happening now.

Safe co-sleeping not sage!!

If you need a cheap/quick solution, the amazon basics air bed is really comfy and sturdy and almost feels like a real bed. DP could put that up in any room and have somewhere to sleep temporarily. If you get a bedside cot, then you might feel comfortable to all sleep in the same bed too.

Everyone saying that cosleeping is statistically slightly less safe, I'm not sure that's true. If safe guidelines are followed properly then the risk drops to about the same level as in a cot. Babies aren't immune to sids in a cot or crib after all. Most deaths attributed to cosleeping are when it hasn't been done safely, following the guidelines properly e.g. mum smokes, has taken medication, put baby on a pillow, put the baby under a duvet etc.

Its arguably slightly easier to follow safe sleep guidelines with a cot but once you've set up a cosleeping space safely then it's easy. A cosleeper crib is amazing, at the very least gives you more space if baby is in your bed as you're not worried about rolling too close to the edge of the bed.

This study about the true level of risk with cosleeping is interesting, it looks at all sids cases in Alaska to see causes.
evolutionaryparenting.com/bedsharing-risks-and-realities/

Look at cosleeping safely, and breastfeeding laying down, take a few big drinks of water to bed with you, loads of biscuits, and just stay in bed all day and all night until this passes, ask friends and family to come and make you meals, and hold the baby for you while you shower. I know everyone says it but "sleep when the baby sleeps"

Like a PP says, moving to formula might not change his perfectly normal newborn behaviour and just adds more jobs into your day.

A wise woman told me the evenings and nights are "sabre tooth tiger time" your baby is scared in the evenings and nights, so needs you more.

The Moses basket can quite frankly get in the bin for another few weeks.

Keep going! You're doing great!

As a PP said, I kept mine in the living room during the day/day naps and in quiet, dark bedroom for bedtime naps/sleep

At this stage, and for several months longer, DH came home, made dinner, we ate while juggling DS then I fed DS and went straight to bed. I didn't faff in the bath. I slept. He would bring him for a feed when required and then take him back down until he needed sleep, e.g. 11 or midnight. He then did an hour or so in the morning, taking DS out in the carrier while he walked the dogs, returning DS to me for boob and nap.

I didn't do anything in the house for several months. DH kept on top of that.

You are recovering from birth and have a new baby.

Safe co sleeping absolutely. Feed him laying on your side in bed then he will drop asleep on the boob and you can leave him where he is. Weve done this since birth. It's the most natural way of sleeping

Solidarity, OP- my 4 day old is the same but DC1 was a total dream and slept for decent stints in his cot from literally day one, so I’m starting to struggle! It’s the hourly nighttime waking that’s getting me down, he’s sleeping 2-3hs in a row during the day. Grr. Have been cosleeping but not sure I’m safe enough, will check the guidelines again and keep watching the replies with interest.

My dp doesn’t let me chose the sofa over him, he says he would rather him go but when it’s the middle of the night it’s just easier for me to get up and go down but think it will be worth us doing w swap.

I will look up laying down breast feeding and do sleeping. The midwife advised no co sleeping when both of us are in bed which is why I’ve not tried it u pro press

Thank you for your kind words it is hard but I’m sure we will get there!