Really struggling with 4 month old

[Tobebythesea]

Please be kind. I’m really struggling at the moment. I spend my whole day trying and failing to feed him (bottle) and trying and failing to get him to sleep. He has reflux. I’m pretty sure I have PND. I don’t want to go out as it’s too much effort to be at a baby class for a certain time and then spend the whole time feeding, being moaned at and then dealing with with an over stimulated, over tired baby.

I have no set nap routine. He gets tired after 90 minutes and then I can spend ages and I mean ages trying to get him to sleep and then he only sleeps for 30 minutes. I’m so aware of trying to get into ‘bad’ habits such as rocking the buggy but nothing works.

He’s teething. I give him teethers. It doesn’t help. I give him calpol. It doesn’t help.

I don’t want to spend my whole day walking around in the cold with a buggy trying to get him to sleep. I he smiles a wonderful smile at me and I feel so guilty. I shut myself in another room for a couple of minutes every now and then and cry and scream.

I don’t want to spend my time around other mothers talking about only babies. My family aren’t near and I was made redundant just before maternity leave so I have no escape. I hate this. I want out.

You poor thing. Having a new baby is really hard. Plus your circumstances sound tough. You need to talk to your GP and try to pull some support, even if you have to pay someone. Is there any family/friends who could visit and give you a break?

I've been here! I'm also pregnant and dreading this second time around. But, breath, have you looked into a book like Gina Ford, I know its controversial on here but it's what saved me is exactly the same circumstances when ds was 5 months old.

Babies are relentless, you can do this! A routine imposed now, may be your saviour!

4 months old is a tricky age, especially if your LO has reflux. Have you got a friend who could come and take him out for walk while you have a nap?

I know it's hard but I think you need to talk to your HV/GP about how you are feeling, and also about your LO's reflux. If he's struggling to feed, he might be hungry but perhaps he has an intolerance and needs a different kind of milk? Has your HV offered you any advice?

DON't feel guilty about feeling like this. Babies are bloody hard work and coping with a phase like this when you are so tired would make anyone feel this way.

Do you have a DP/DH at home to help?

I'm so sorry about the redundancy :(

A lot of my friends also have young children. My DH works very long hours unfortunately.

Also, where are you? I'd be willing to help

I also have a preschooler who had CMPA. We have tried various reflux medications from the GP and tried a special fort but he refused to drink it even with vanilla essence in it.

I'd suggest a sling, and a rocking chair. 4 months is so young, you cant make bad habits at this age. It is hard as they tend to 'wake up' at this age. I found it hard but a sling saved me for daytime naps. Visit your local sling library and have a play, no obligation.

He’s crying again after 20 minutes sleep.

Formula

Is there a chance he isn’t getting on well with the formula you are giving him? Crying, not sett.ing and reflux can also be indicators of a coma allergy or reaction to some formulas.
Four months is quite young to be so badly afflicted with teething but all three of mine were comparatively late tethers so I may not be right. If he doesn’t have a temperature and is just grizzly and wakeful I would stop just giving calpol too.

I would discuss the reflux and formula with your GP or HV just in case
Also look into baby massage and get out in the prma it’s good for you and the baby.

Four months is a classic sleep regression. Not that two of my three ever slept at four months. Trying to establish routines saves some people’s sanity but I was never organised enough. If you have no other children to contend with you could try it or your could just go with the flow a bit more.

It isn’t like this forever.
You are bound to feel low, but wh Last I wouldn’t discount PND I wonder finsoe of the things getting you down are about the practical aspects of having a newborn rather than your mood and feelings.

Hope things get better soon

Sorry for the awful typos. Hope you get the gist

Sorry just saw your other post about your older child.
What formula is he on?

Aptimil

With colief

Is it colic or have they tested for CMPA?
Lots of babies have colic but not necessarily a CMPA.

Have they ever prescribed Nutragimen or Neocate?

Oh I really feel for you. Please, please don't worry about getting into bad habits with rocking your baby in the buggy or cuddli g to sleep - he's still very young! It might be worth going back to the doctors and trying a different medicated formula as it sounds like this one is not working.

I’ll make another GP appointment tomorrow.

Really sorry you are going through this. We are too and it’s been awful. My son is 4.5 months and his reflux is under control (aptimil anti reflux milk and omeprazole) but the first few months of rocking etc have left us with a baby who can’t go to sleep without lots of rocking, singing, white noise. Naps were all over the place. I spent a week at home nailing down naps and now he’s had a cold and it’s gone out the window and now night time sleep is the worst it’s been too (even worse than when his reflux was bad oddly)

I’m going to give you advice that I’ve been given and struggling to take - take any help you can from family to take some time to yourself to sleep, have a bubble bath etc, keep an eye on yourself and seek help if you need (I read somewhere that mums of reflux babies are more likely to have PND and I know I’m dangerously on that border and I’ve had some very dark days before it was under control). Also I would push for a paediatrician appointment to try and sort his reflux out. GPs are not great at dealing with reflux and it needs experience to figure out the right medication.

Have you tried anti reflux milk ? We are about to go back to normal formula now. The other thing is that weaning early (from 17 week) can sometimes help with reflux. Obviously this is against official guidance but my paediatrician said to go ahead when our DS was ready.

Sending hugs, you are doing amazing.

Obviously I would seek advice before weaning early by the way before anyone goes crackers at me !

Reflux and non sleepers are HARD!

Have you tried a sling? A stretchy wrap you can wear around the house, if he feels close he might sleep?

On another note... please go and talk to your doctor about how you’re feeling... crying and screaming isn’t how you want to live your life. I recently went to the doctor for similar reasons and I honestly feel so much better. Motherhood is so tough, take every break you can get xx