Losing my shit with toddler

[Gingerninja01]

I am really struggling to not lose my temper with my 2.5 year old. Shes 2, I feel terrible even saying that.
Today is a typical example. Drawing on the walls, refusing dinner, massive fuss brushing teeth (running off, screaming etc), throwing water all over the room, climbing on everything, we were at a midwife appointment earlier and she again ran away meaning I had to chase her, last week she broke my phone and as soon as I got a replacement she chewed the leather cover of the new one and then managed to send an embarrassing news story to most of my contacts list when I left the room for 2mins.
I find myself getting really angry. I grew up with parents who were very impatient and quick to shout and shame me and I hate seeing it mirrored in my own behaviour. Earlier on I was so mad at her and she started tugging at my clothes wanting reassurance as she could see I was angry and I just couldn't calm down enough to do it. I feel like a terrible mum.
Please does anyone have any tips on not getting irrationally angry when their toddler pushes their buttons? I'm so scared we will end up having a similar relationship to the one i have with my parents because i can't control my own emotions.

Being outside, in the park, woods etc, is the best. Kids need to be outside more, my dd is definitely happier and less grumpy and well behaved when we've spent loads of time outdoors. She loves muddy puddles thanks to stupid peppa pig! Have you a local park or little patch of woodland etc, or a forest school nearby? I appreciate it's v tough this time of year when you're heavily pregnant though!

Do you have much of a routine? They seem like a routine as I suppose they feel more in control as they know roughly what will happen next. Although, having said that, any kind of routine is tricky with a new baby.

Have you heard of the Janet Lansbury Podcast? It’s called Unruffled. I’ve just started listening to it as I was struggling with a similar thing and I’ve found it really helpful. She has lots of different questions people have sent it so you can look through for ones that match your experience

Teeth brushing tantrums are hard because it one you can't just let slide. One thing that worked quite well for me (I think it was recommended on here, can't quite remember) was to pretend there's something in their mouth and then do animated fast talking (constantly) while you stick the brush in. It would go something like this:

"Hey I think I just saw a little tail in your mouth, can you open up so I can see? I did! It's a black and white cat and he's running, I think he's chasing something. Quick, open wider so I can see, that's perfect. What do you think he's chasing? Oh, I think it's a mouse...it is a mouse! The mouse is trying to get away. They're racing around your back teeth. Quick mouse, get away. Phew the mouse has found a hiding place over behind this tooth. But oh no the cat is coming, run over this way mouse..." Etc etc until you're done.

Although if teeth is a major battle I'd start with a very basic brush and work up gradually over the next few weeks. But just make it exaggerated fun every time. Change the characters. Ask her what she thinks might be in her mouth this time. Let her look in your mouth and see what she can spot.

It's bloody tedious making yourself fun enough to entertain toddlers but worth the extra effort if you can keep the tantrums in check.

I've been there with the losing my rag and torturing myself with guilt after, but you can can change the paradigm. Forgive yourself quickly when you fail and just get back on track as bets you can .

I wish I could let my DS run wild outside but my problem is he will run off laughing his head off thinking it's a game. We have a park nearby but there's traffic across the road m and a river there too and the other day he almost fell in the water. He is 5 but started this at 3 and haven't calmed down since....