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Original poster

OH wants a baby but we cannot afford it

12 replies

SiouxieB · 10/12/2019 17:23

My partner and I am currently trying for a baby, mainly due to his desire for another. We already have a 4yo daughter.
I would like another child, but we cannot really afford to, Ive tried to explain this to him, but he says he'll do more overtime etc but thats not the point, we'll see him even less.
Ive only recently gone back to work part time, as shes in childcare a few days a week and to be honest, I really enjoy working again, so that would have to stop if we had another too.
I worked out using this salary calculator that if I stop working again and we just have his wage, we are only just covering our current outgoings, so he would have to work more hours to cover the cost of another child.
I feel like I need to speak to him and plan on showing him the calculator result as it breaks it down really nicely, but think hes just going to brush it off.
I'd really like some advice, should I just grin and bare it or try to put my case forward, and if I do, how do I do it in a way that will show him how serious I am?

OP posts:
OceanVillage · 10/12/2019 17:25

To back on contraception pronto and just say now is not the time. It's your body.

Elbeagle · 10/12/2019 17:29

Stop TTC if you can’t afford another baby.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/12/2019 17:32

I feel like I need to speak to him and plan on showing him the calculator result as it breaks it down really nicely, but think hes just going to brush it off.

It’s not up to him.

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Elbeagle · 10/12/2019 17:35

Is this an advert for the salary calculator? Grin

Original poster
SiouxieB · 10/12/2019 17:50

I know its not his body, I do want a baby too but its not the right time and he thinks it is. He is just so adamant about it. He does not agree that it is irresponsible if you cannot be completely certain of your financial stability. I was bought up by a poor family and sometimes thought my parents should not have had the five of us, and we would have had a better life. I just want tips on how to prove to him its a bad idea. Im looking at studies that show how struggling financially can be detrimental to the childs upbringing etc. Hes just really stubborn, plus his mother is always going on about how she wants more grandkids.

OP posts:
Original poster
SiouxieB · 10/12/2019 17:51

Lol, no, it is good though. Just thought it would be good to back me up when I try to discuss it with him.

OP posts:
Dyrne · 10/12/2019 17:56

Firstly, if you do not want a baby then you absolutely should not have one. Your body, your choice. You also should not feel obliged to give up work if you don’t want to.

I will just say Have you really worked out everything? Your child is 4; so by the time you got pregnant, your child was born and you finished maternity leave, your first child would be in school. This would mean you only had 1 set of childcare fees and some before/after school club fees. Have you looked at alternative childcare options in the area? A childminder may be a cheaper and enable you to work; plus could give you a bit more flexibility. Have you factored in extra child tax credits etc in the affordability?

SleepingStandingUp · 10/12/2019 18:00

Go on contraception or stop having sex.

It's literally that easy unless he's abusive and you domt feel you would be safe to do so. In which case you need to look at how to get out of the relationship.

Tell him you don't want one right now and therefore you are not ttc.

Bu all means lay it out financially and discuss a plan but stop having unprotected sex when you don't want to get pregnant.

Dyrne · 10/12/2019 18:04

Also, you say it’s not the right time; so maybe give some thought as to when WILL be the right time. Are you going to be in a better place financially in a couple of years? Will either of you have increased your earnings? Will you have paid down debt or been able to move to a cheaper place?

I know where you are coming from - I have put off having children to get ourselves financially ready; however we have been following a clear plan regarding careers; mortgage etc. If you don’t have a plan then you will NEVER be in the ‘right place financially’ so risk never having a second. You need to figure out if you’re OK with that. Absolutely fine if so, but just something to consider.

Babdoc · 10/12/2019 18:10

A second baby is cheaper than the first as you can reuse all the equipment and clothes. If you breast feed and have reusable nappies, the only big outlay is childcare to let you continue working.
How old are you OP? Can you afford to wait a few years and get a few promotions/pay rises under your belt, or are you approaching 40 and running out of time? Do you definitely want a second child, or are you being railroaded into it to please DH and his mother?

SleepingStandingUp · 10/12/2019 20:54

Ops daughter is 4, it really depends on what they kept, if it'll matter if it was all pink and its a boy etc. And it isn't just the initial outlay, the child care for a second child, the gap from work isn't suddenly easier

ChristmasSpirtsOnTheRocksPleas · 10/12/2019 20:56

Tell him how you resent your parents and asking him whether he wants your children to do the same.

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