9 yr old ds confessed to googling sex

[somewhatavoidant]

My ds made a tearful confession a couple of weeks back that he had looked up "boys and girls in love" on Youtube. I asked him had he seen anything that had confused him or upset him and he said no. He seemed to be more concerned with his search history and that he couldn't search for anything in front of people because that search kept popping up. I reassured him it was ok and normal to be curious. I deleted his search history and he seemed relieved and happy enough. Then the other night he said in fact he had seen sex on the video and that he had watched it a few times but he didn't know why and now he feels really bad. I reassured him again but having thought about it for a day or two, I think he probably got aroused and that's why he watched it more than once and now he feels ashamed. I'm going to broach it again with him and say that I think I've figured out why he watched it a few times and that it's totally normal etc but I'm struggling to find the correct language. He is only 9. Has anyone any experience of this at his age??

Sort of, although mine was a little older at about 11. He's now just turned 13.

I dealt with it by asking where he'd got it from, to know to search. It was from boys at school. Fair enough. We then talked about his willy and what he did with it in private was his own business (I must admit to struggling to keep a straight face here!) but that I could not allow him to search for things on the internet as A he was too young and could stumble across upsetting content or something that his developing brain wouldn't be able to make sense of and B looking at porn wasn't something I would allow in my house for various reasons that I then explained to him in an age appropriate way. Oh and C ... good parents don't allow their children to just look at anything they feel like on the internet and did he understand that?

I don't have any major restrictions on his iPad because I don't want to be in a situation where he goes behind my back and tries to take them off. So he was told very clearly that he now had his iPad on trust and that I was pleased with him for telling me what he'd been looking at but it stopped now or he'd lose the iPad

He was relieved I knew I think. We've not had a recurrence and it was a year or so ago.

If he'd been 15 or whatever I'd probably have turned a bit of a blind eye but at this age it's really important to keep communication open and explain just WHY he will not be looking up sex online.

I honestly dont think he should be googling. As he is so open with you, sit down and internet search together. Now that pandoras box has been opened you need to have the conversation that much of the stuff on the internet is btad and the sex does not represent real normal loving sex. Very hard and this tender age. I doubt if he is the only one but you need to grasp the nettle. Tell him that the sex online can be damaging. Try and find some age appropriate info now his curiosity has been awoken

I remember looking up dirty words in the dictionary at that age.

The curiosity is just the same and perfectly normal - what is scary is where there curiosity takes them these days because of all the horrible things that are so easily available on the net.

The advice of the pp is good.

And yes, we've all been there with looking at stuff (internet wasn't around when I was his age!) and curiosity is very normal.

But with porn being what it is - and things like choking and anal sex just so bloody normalised - I just don't want this for my son. It is SO different from a bloody Razzle magazine of the 80s!! Even at 13 he's still too young for me to go into any real details (he would have no idea about choking for example!) but we have talked about how looking at sex online 'isn't real,' and how it can look scary and we've touched upon exploitation etc.

He's able to talk to me and I've told him he can ask me anything and that's all you can do really

At 9, it needs shutting down immediately and id only be allowing iPad use (or whatever he has) in my sight I think.

You're 100% right re internet access of course. I've double checked the parental restrictions are in place on Youtube and I'll be chatting with him again about it all. I'm also glad that he is able to talk to me about it. Thanks all. I had already started an excellent book called Its so amazing which ironically may have piqued his interest in the first place!