Is there some sort of technique for guide for dealing with toddlers...

[Willow4987]

My DS is 16 months and has started displaying what I’m assuming is some typical toddler behaviour...

• not listening when being told no (he used to listen)
• he laughs and runs back to whatever I’ve asked him not to do, waits for me to say no and move him away and then laughs again - it’s one big game to him
• has started having mini tantrums if he can’t get his own way

I don’t want to keep saying no and it losing its power but as he’s so little he doesn’t really understand why I’m saying no (I am explaining to him why when this is happening)

So I suppose what I’m asking is are there any techniques I should be using? What’s worked for your children?

I want him to grow up well behaved but not under super strict rules - but I’m not really sure what I should or shouldn’t be doing

Oh I’m a FTM hence not knowing what I’m doing

It really is just a case of saying no, physically moving them and then repeating that 895792719937399373 times a day. Be very blunt, not smiley, just very boring and plain, so they don't find it as entertaining. The tantrums, you just have to ignore. No eye contact, no talking, just completely ignore (obviously unless they're hurting themselves or other people). You will see them looking up to check if you're paying attention which is quite funny.

They do grow out of it though. Thank fuck.

Distraction is your friend op. When my 2 year old starts doing things that are potentially dangerous I tip out his duplo noisily and start building , he's over like a shot and joining me. The pulling at the Xmas tree is instantly forgotten.

Toddlers are so funny though , cheeky and full of energy

Drop your tone rather than raise your voice. Move stuff out of reach if you can, the stage doesn't last forever and they will learn not to touch. Be consistent. Pick your battles. Distract and divert, especially when he keeps returning to something you don't want him to do, make whatever you have to hand sound far more exciting than the 'game' he wants to play.

Try to avoid tantrum flash points eg nipping to some where when they are tired and hungry but tantrums are unavoidable. Tantrums are when young children are overwhelmed by their emotions. The only thing that worked for my DD was sitting near her and waiting it out until she wanted a cuddled.

You have to be consistent. And it is fine to rely on physical removal of the toddler from whatever it is they shouldn't be doing. They are way too young for you to even bother trying to explain why you are saying no, or to reason with them, their brains aren't yet capable of processing things like that yet.

Try not be embarrassed by tantrums in public just follow through.
Don't threaten things you won't follow through on.
Don't talk too much about why it is a no- it just is especially when they are really little, they just can't process it.
Children need their parents to be in charge to feel safe.
I really like www.janetlansbury.com

She's got loads of advice on the importance of having boundaries but also on empathising with your child's emotions. It's a really sensible guide.

Thanks everyone for your advice!!!

I’ve been ignoring tantrums already - good to know it’s the right approach so will continue to do this. He only ever does it when he can’t get his own way so far...

I’ll keep persevering with saying no and moving him away...hopefully he starts to understand

I don’t think it helps that because he’s so physically big, people think he’s 2 already and expect him to understand more

Just to save your own sanity, try reframing the instruction as a positive ie the behaviour you want to see eg "sofas are for bottoms" instead of "no jumping on the sofa" or "The decorations stay on the tree" instead of "don't touch". It's much less wearing. Then distract and redirect as PPs have said

I've recommended this book a lot on here, but How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen (the one for toddlers, not the original) is very useful. Extremely twee writing and the examples given are obviously nonsense but there are a number of techniques I still use now the DDs are 4 and 7