I'm a shell. DD is very nearly 10.DS is 7.
DS is a standard child, can be naughty, can be a wind up, is very grumpy on occasion, but it's normal, humans have moods sort of territory.
DD has always been difficult. She is funny and extremely intelligent too and we love them both to bits.
However, as she gets older, and especially over the last year, she has been holding us all to ransom with her arguing. She can blow up over the slightest thing.
Eg earlier her and brother jostling. Silly, normal kid behaviour. DS blows a raspberry and laughs. Not in a mean way, just a bit of carry on. She takes major offence immediately. DS protests only joking. DH, who isn't usually around in the morning deals with it, tells DS not to do it as his sister doesn't like it. But DD decides that isn't adequate parenting. Kicks off, we're not dealing with him properly, it's not fair etc.
She has, within the last 6 weeks actually told us that she doesn't agree that we get to make the decisions on parenting and consequences. That her opinion matters as much. She makes excuses, lies, back tracks. Trying to discuss anything with her is like nailing very argumentative jelly to the wall.
It's really hard to capture here what it's really like, because it's death by a thousand cuts. She has worn us both down. Gets far too much of our attention, both positive and negative. Her poor brother is missing out
DH used to think I was mad and tell me to just not engage when she was being unreasonable. But now he sees it more, because it's escalating, he agrees, there is no stepping back. As much as you try.
She howls and wails at the top of her voice and hijacks discussions, especially those when we're trying to manage her behaviour, to home in on one tiny element of what is being said, not the bigger picture.
She is exactly like FIL who, whilst has no Aspergers diagnosis, is text book.
In our area, you can not access autism diagnosis for kids aged over 5.
Help me. Please.