Baby’s Dad Isnt co operating I need help!

[Kdmarlow]

I seriously need some advice I’m in such a complicated situation! I was in a relationship with my baby’s father for 3 years domestic violence has been a big subject in our relationship! We have been on and off in this time and it’s been very complex ! We now have a 4 month old daughter and she is absolutely lovely and I love her to bits !! I don’t know what to do as we have now completely split he hasn’t seen her since and i don’t want to be around him, he sells drugs which I do not agree with and was bringing them into my house when he comes over which is not on! He left them here so I put them in the bin outside and he tried to kick my door down while my daughter was inside so I barricaded the door he flicked a lit fag in my house and spat on me through my letter box ! I’m asking everyone to please be open minded to my situation snd not be nasty as I have a mental health disorder called bpd which I am struggling with on top of this too, I hate being on my own I’m so attatched to him but I know he’s no good for me! I’ve told him I don’t want my daughter at his mums house as that house is full of drugs and has been robbed by people with machetes !!! But he is manipulating me into thinking I’m just over reacting and I’m crazy I’m just trying to keep my daughter safe! My mum was a malicious parent and used kids as a weapon against my dad when I was younger and that is my biggest moral I want my daughter to have contact with her dad but I do not want her going to his mums house and I don’t want contact with him because I need to move on. He uses the fact I’m like my mum trying to stop everyone from seeing her it’s not that , im scared something will happen if she’s there 😞 the police were called when this happened and have done a referral to social as they can help with visitations. I don’t want him in my house I want him away from me as far away from possible he has put me through absolute help he doesn’t support me at all he gives me no money for my daughter he just uses me when he feels like it 🙄 he’s just an immature drug dealer with a huge ego I hope he change a before she grows up because I’m devastated ! I just don’t want a part in his life, but I want him to see his daughter please if you have any advice I would love to hear it I’m heartbroken. I’m only 20 years old so this is all new to me and she’s my first daughter !

I want my daughter to have contact with her dad

You want her to have contact with a drug dealer who kicks doors in and spits in women’s faces? Why?

I’ll be honest, it sounds like a dreadful situation & I’ve no idea why you’d want your daughter having anything to do with this man. In fact, I’d take her as far away from him & his family as I possibly could! He is violent, a drug dealer, emotionally abusive & involved in serious crime. He is a bad person & not one I’d want my child anywhere near nor knowing. It doesn’t matter that he’s her Dad. He’s not fit to be one. He’s been violent to you & he very well may to be his child. Do not take that risk.

You are not your mum. You have the opportunity to be a much better one, away from violence & abuse & fear. Raise your daughter to know none of this is OK.

Block all access & get social services involved to move things forwards. Visits should be on neutral ground and fully supervised. Find a way forwards with support & mediators who have you & your daughters safety at the foremost of their agenda.

Wow, that's a lot to cope with.

I think you are doing absolutely the right thing for your daughter in saying she needs to be kept away from the drugs and the drug-dealing gang warfare. This is nothing like the bitter behaviour of your own mum.

You need to keep emphasising to him that his family and social circle is dangerous, and that's why your daughter will not be a part of it unsupervised.

I can see why you want your daughter to have contact with her father - you've obviously had a lot to deal with yourself and want her life to be better than that.

I'm not absolutely certain about the criteria for contact centres - can someone tell us whether "connections to drug warfare" will do it?

He may be her father but he is also a violent abusive drug dealer who can bring nothing positive to her life.

I’m sorry for your situation but you need to keep your daughter safe and away from this man. People like him do nothing but fuck up the lives of everyone they touch and they never change.

I know it’s hard but please think about your daughters physical and emotional well being. Keep her and yourself safe

can someone tell us whether "connections to drug warfare" will do it?

I’m not sure but surely kicking the door in while his baby was present should be enough?

OP sometimes people really aren’t safe enough to be around their own children. That is sad but it’s up the other parent to keep the child safe. In this case that’s you and you really need to get her away from him and his family. That’s nothing to do with you being bitter or spiteful and all to do with protecting your child. Social services will ask you why you want to allow contact with him and your daughter when he has been violent. They won’t be impressed with you wanting that. I’ve personal experience here.

I would call social services and ask for their support with this. It will go very much in your favour that you are being open with them and that you are wanting to prioritise keeping your LO safe and are asking for support.

And I would stop contact in the mean time and call the police each and every time he kicks off, threatens you etc. Keep any text message as evidence. Do you really want him in your child’s life??

A person who is violent towards the mother of their child does not deserve to be in contact with that child.

Stop letting him use you. You are doing your daughter no favours by remaining in contact with this man. Put her first.

Well, I know nothing myself, but I've seen posts on here from people with experience saying that violence to the mother is not considered grounds to keep him away from the child.

Otherwise I'd have been advising total non-contact and let him go to court...

Otherwise I'd have been advising total non-contact and let him go to court.

She can still do that and that’s what I advise. Let the court decide what contact, if any, he can have. Don’t give him any without a court order telling you too.